VICTORIA'S SECRET: (SHHH – NO ONE'S BUYING ANYTHING)

Victoria’s Secret has some bad news for stockholders. The retailer said late Wednesday that same-store sales at Victoria’s Secret may plunge 20% this month compared to a year ago. February is traditionally a big year for Victoria’s Secret, what with Valentine’s Day (* and Lincoln’s birthday, that horny so-and-so). The company believes that part of this big decline is due to the fact that Victoria’s Secret killed off its swimwear line last May. It also got rid of its famous catalog in an attempt to cut costs.
* And now their panties are in a twist.
* They’re losing their shirts, and their bustiers.
* Fewer products, no more catalog to tempt buyers, and sales drop. I wonder where they went wrong?
* When it comes to marketing, they get the booby prize.
* Hope they don’t go bust.
* They also invested too much money in those stupid angel wings the models wear at the shows.
* I’ve known some fashion models and believe me they’re no angels.
* Not to mention, you have some of the hottest women on earth parading around in lingerie. Do you really need the wings?
* Besides, the saying isn’t, “Every time a bell rings, a fashion model gets her wings.”
* Don’t you love it when I bring in the irrefutable logic?