HYPNO-PARENTING

A professional hypnotist claims she can use her powers of persuasion to make bratty kids act like angels. Hypnotist and Malibu, California mother of three Lisa Machenberg says, “Hypnosis and parenting is a natural combination. If we learn hypno-parenting, we learn how to hypnotize our children to be cooperative, peaceful, have containment and have good study habits because they have focus and have more resilience out there in the world.” Machenberg said she’d never use her skills to help parents force kids to do something they shouldn’t be doing. “We can hypnotize our children to be the best that they can be. We can solve conflicts in a wonderful, peaceful way that creates not just good children, but helps them grow into good adults.” At $125 an hour, Machenberg, 56, claims to have hypnotized more than 1,000 kids over 23 years, and says her husband and kids are often under her spell. “I hypnotize my children and my husband to do things for my benefit all the time,” she said. “We have a household to run. Many times, I exert influence so my children are able to get their chores done, so this house runs efficiently.” Husband and dad Bryan Ney says he doesn’t mind. “I see no downside to having Lisa hypnotize family members, but maybe that’s because she’s hypnotized me to think so,” he joked.
* And then clucked like a chicken.
* So, it’s like drug-free Ritalin?
* This seems like an excellent idea. You take away the children’s free will before the government gets a chance to do it.
* Correction: This sounds like Dr. Spock meets the Manchurian Candidate.
* Besides, most kids are already hypnotized by their phones.
* Wait, isn’t “bratty kids” a little redundant?
* Watch out though. I’ve seen some kids who have their parents hypnotized already.
* So how long ’til corporations start rolling this out to their employees?