DRUNK MAN SHOOTS SELF IN THE HEAD WITH FLARE GUN

Arizona deputies say a man shot himself in the face with a flare gun early Monday morning. When they arrived at the house in Guadalupe around 4 a.m., they discovered a man on fire. “It’s something we don’t see every day especially in the town of Guadalupe,” said Detective Doug Matteson. Deputies said a woman in the house called 911. She said that she was on the phone on the other side of the bed and she just heard a loud noise and turned and saw him yelling and his head was on fire. He was taken to a hospital, where he is in stable condition with burns to his face and upper body. Police say the man may have been intoxicated.
* So, a human Molotov cocktail!
* Talk about hot-headed.
* Some guys just have to have all the attention on them all the time.
* Talk about a flare for the dramatic.
* “It’s something we don’t see every day especially in the town of Guadalupe.” Really, Detective? In what Arizona town DO you always see guys set their heads on fire with flare guns?
* Maybe up the road in the wacky town of Tempe?
* I guess he was so drunk he thought he was a car crash.
* Gee, if he had ridden to the hospital on a motorcycle, he would have looked just like “Ghost Rider.”
* Actually, he’s like TWO Nicolas Cage movies. “Ghost Rider” and “Face Off.”
* Now every time they pass some flares on the road everyone’s going to make fun of him.
* There’s a lesson here: If you take a flare gun to bed, make sure you have a skylight.
* Ironically, the woman’s been complaining that the man never did anything exciting in bed.
* I always think of the emergency workers going through a long shift … 2 a.m. … 3 a.m. … 4 a.m. … and then this clown shows up.