HIGH SCHOOL LACROSSE TEAM SACRIFICES GUINEA PIG BEFORE GAME

At least 10 members of a high school lacrosse team in Michigan have been questioned about sacrificing a guinea pig and painting their faces with the animal’s blood. An unnamed source claims a Grosse Ile High School lacrosse player killed the animal prior to a match earlier in May. The incident is under investigation. Whatever the Grosse Ile Red Devils were hoping to achieve, it failed, as the rival Dexter Dreadnaughts won 13 to 6.
* The Dreadnaughts must’ve sacrificed a ferret.
* They sacrificed a guinea pig ’cause they’re known as such fierce fighters.
* Plus the pet store was all out of hamsters.
* Grosse Ile, as in, I’ll say they’re gross!
* So, “Lord of the Flies” is still required reading in high school?
* What did they think this was? A science lab?
* Hey, you call a team the Red Devils and you have to expect a little animal sacrifice.
* You idiots, a guinea pig’s blood works for soccer matches. You should have used a rabbit.
* How about their opponents, the Dexter Dreadnaughts? That sounds like one of those jokes: “We really dread facing this team. NOT!”
* They should go with the Star Wars reference and call them the Star Dreadnaughts.