WOMAN FIGHTS TO KEEP PET ALLIGATOR IN HOUSE

A Lakeland, Florida woman is fighting to keep her 6-foot-long pet alligator in her home. The 125-pound reptile named Rambo wears clothes, rides on the back of a motorcycle and has a bedroom in Mary Thorn’s home. Thorn has had a license for the alligator she’s kept for 11 years, but it recently grew to 6-feet long and wildlife officials say an alligator that size must have 2.5 acres of land. Thorn said that even if she had land available, Rambo can’t be left outdoors because of sensitivity to sunlight. Thorn takes Rambo to schools and charity events to teach people about reptiles. She says she has trained him not to bite.
* I think the problem will be self-solving within the next year or so.
* What kind of clothing does an alligator wear? Answer: Any kind it wants to.
* “Do these capri pants make me look fat?” “No, the German Shepherd you ate this afternoon makes you look fat.”
* The hard part is getting Rambo to hang up his clothes at night.
* She’s trained him not to bite? How the hell did she do that?
* Oh, I know. She took him to alligator sensitivity seminars.
* Well, it’s sensitive to sunlight. Maybe it’s sensitive to other things too.
* It also does tricks like grabbing you for the death rollover.
* This gator is exactly what I was talking about yesterday – using an area’s unique features. You want to incorporate the local flavor into your wacky news stories.