WISCONSIN TOWN NEEDS GROUNDHOG FOR GROUNDHOG DAY

The town of Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, is having some trouble over its annual Groundhog Day ceremonies. They are having trouble casting “Jimmy the Groundhog”. Director of tourism and economic development Neal Stechschulte says this February second, an actual groundhog may not be available, “There’s not a contract in place at this point.” And then he says, there’s the matter of “the treatment of the actual groundhog.” Town mayor Paul Esser says he’d be happy to avoid a live “Jimmy” altogether, “We would have something that would be a groundhog. He might be a ceremonial groundhog. You know, might be in the form of not a live animal but something that is a replica of an animal.” Town officials say there will be a “Jimmy” this year, although he might be five foot tall, a little more like Bucky Badger, Sassy Cow, maybe a mascot.”
* A contract? Does the groundhog have an agent?
* The groundhog is demanding a $30,000 guarantee and 65% of t-shirt sales.
* If you don’t like groundhogs, Mayor Esser, you shouldn’t have taken the job. Comes with the turf.
* If Sassy Cow sees her shadow, does she get frightened and run back into the milking shed?
* I bet Caitlyn Jenner’s available. Instead of Groundhog Day, they could call it Media-hog Day.
* Right now the backup plan is a squirrel.
* Now, before you get all critical, I want to emphasize that it’s a big squirrel.
* You know the ridiculous part? That Sun Prairie – a suburb of Madison, Wisconsin – has its own Director of Tourism.
* Okay, I googled the town and found the real story: Last year the groundhog bit the mayor on the ear. True. So that could be a factor here.