MAN HAD FISHING BOBBER, SCREW DRIVER AND TIRE REPAIR KIT IN HIS BUTT

A Greendale, Indiana. police officer went to a Circle K gas station to use the restroom while on patrol. The officer found the bathroom door locked and was told by an employee that a man had been locked inside the restroom for about 30 minutes. A woman who was with the man advised the officer that he was in the restroom because he was – quote – “having problems” with his butt. The man eventually exited the restroom. Officers noticed that he allegedly had droopy eyes, slurred speech, and a white powdery substance on his nose and in his nostrils. Under questioning, the man told the police that he had stuff stuck in his butt. When officers asked what the objects were, he removed a fishing bobber, screw driver, and open tire plug kit from his pockets. He told officers that those objects had been inside him. Officers searched the restroom, locating a white, powdery substance on the back of the toilet and in the toilet bowl. A pen tube, used to ingest drugs, was found in a trash can. The man was eventually identified as 36-year-old Matthew Smith. During a search, 22 pills and a small plastic baggie containing cocaine were found. Smith allegedly admitted to transporting the drugs inside his body.
* Ladies and gentlemen, Matthew “The Human Pinata” Smith.
* It’s like if Batman didn’t have a utility belt.
* It’s like a human Family Dollar Store.
* Did they ever find the fish on the other end of that bobber?
* Was everything pushed out by, you know, the gerbil?
* The crazy thing? He had just breezed right through airport security.
* He wasn’t “having problems” with his butt. His butt was having problems with him.
* He might be at the Circle K but he’ll need some Preparation H.
* A fishing bob? Maybe he was trying to bait the officer.