SHARK RESCUED BY BEACH-GOERS

Bystanders saved a beached great white shark on Monday. The 7-foot-long male juvenile shark was found on the South Beach area of Chatham, Massachusetts in Cape Cod. Beachgoers kept the shark wet until rescuers arrived with a boat to pull it into the water and release it safely back into the ocean. Witnesses told the station that the young shark beached itself chasing after a seagull.
* Great. You saved a dumb one. Just the kind that’s stupid enough to be swept up into a sharknado.
* Good work, beach-goers. Or, should I say, future fish food?
* I wonder if anyone on the beach said, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat”?
* Meanwhile, the shark was thinking, “What nice people. I’m going to miss them when they go extinct.”
* It was chasing a seagull? Is there anything these beasts won’t eat?
* I’d have to say one thing to the seagull: Well played.
* That’s so like us. We’ll slaughter thousands of whales but if one gets caught in the ice, we’ll send an icebreaker ship to rescue it.