AUDIO: PEDESTRIAN HIT IN CROTCH BY TOSSED BANANA
A man was taken to a hospital after he was hit in the crotch by a banana tossed from a passing vehicle. Police said the man was discovered lying at the roadside, writhing in agony, near the Quick Food convenience store in Westfield, Massachusetts. When asked by officers what the issue was, he described how he had been “struck in the banana by a banana.” The man was taken to Noble Hospital at his own request and was given a sick note, affording him the following day off work. Police have not found any evidence to support the man’s story.
* But they’re appealing to the public for help.
* Wham! Right in the plums.
* No evidence? Maybe he’s nuts.
* He wanted the sick note so he wouldn’t be sacked.
* “Is that a banana in your pocket, or did you just get hit in the groin?”
* Could have been worse. Could have been a watermelon.
* Now there’s a nice hospital name: Noble Hospital. Enough with these Memorial hospitals where it sounds like you already died.
* If he’s faking it, he really committed to the material.
* Wait, so there was no banana nearby? I sense a problem here with the guy’s story.
* This is when he really starts lying: “Then, just as I was about to pass out, this little monkey came out of the bushes and took the banana.”
* CLIP: There was one witness to the attack … (The “run-by fruiting” line from Mrs. Doubtfire.)
