POLICE FIND ESCAPED PRISONER'S UNDERWEAR

Escaped prisoners Richard Matt and David Sweat are still on the lam, but at least one of them is going commando. Police reported yesterday that they found DNA and a discarded pair of prison underwear Monday morning inside a remote cabin a few miles away from the prison. Matt and Sweat have been on the run for more than two weeks.
* Smart move. Have a friend drop the drawers off in the cabin while you head the other way.
* The trail has gone from cold to warm and soiled.
* I guess the underwear was too dirty to even wash in a stream, so the sniffer dogs must have been like, “Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot.”
* “I have to get this smell out of my nose! Would you please rub my face with bacon?”
* Testing two-week-old underwear for DNA. I’ll bet the lab guys drew straws.
* Man, for all the modern technology we have, it’s weird to see a story right out of a 1940s prison movie.
* Even the guys look like vintage mug shots from Alcatraz.
* You want some cable news ratings? Put this thing on live when they close in.