MAN BURNS DOWN FAMILY HOUSE HE WAS MEANT TO INHERIT

He walks up to a policeman and says, “I’ve lost my dad!” The cop says, “What’s he like?” The little boy says, “Beer and women.”

Velcrows.

Everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement. The bartender yells at the man, “What the hell did you do that for? Now I have no customers!!” The man says, “Sorry mister, I honestly didn’t fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of ’em.”

He’s trying to quite cold turkey.

She says, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma… and goodbye, Grandpa.” Dad says, “Why’d you say “Goodbye Grandpa?” Girls says, “I don’t know.” The next day, Grandpa drops dead. That night, the father hears her say, “God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and goodbye Grandma.” The next day, Grandma drops dead. That night, the daughter says, “God bless Mommy, and Goodbye Daddy.” The guy freaks. He stays up all night. Nothing happens. He’s beyond relieved. He goes to work, comes home that night. His wife says, “I had a horrible day.” He asks, “What happened?” Mom says, “Well, the milkman dropped dead on the front steps.”