USELESS ADVICE, 20 YEARS ON

He’s trying to quite cold turkey.

She says, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma… and goodbye, Grandpa.” Dad says, “Why’d you say “Goodbye Grandpa?” Girls says, “I don’t know.” The next day, Grandpa drops dead. That night, the father hears her say, “God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and goodbye Grandma.” The next day, Grandma drops dead. That night, the daughter says, “God bless Mommy, and Goodbye Daddy.” The guy freaks. He stays up all night. Nothing happens. He’s beyond relieved. He goes to work, comes home that night. His wife says, “I had a horrible day.” He asks, “What happened?” Mom says, “Well, the milkman dropped dead on the front steps.”

They were Ramen Catholic.

Robert Plants and Roger Waters.

They slug it out.