AIR CANADA PILOT NEVER HAD A LICENSE TO FLY BIG-ASS AIRPLANES

He ties them up at gunpoint, loots the house. As he’s leaving, the man pleads, “Please, just untie her, I’ll give you my car keys, empty my bank account, anything. Just let her go.” The thief says, “You must really love your wife to be begging like that.” The man says, “No, my wife will be home in 5 minutes.”

He says, He says, “You got any dogs goin’ cheap?” Owner says, “No, all our dogs go woof.”

With a sea saw.

He’s the bouncer.

The bartender asks, “What’ll ya have?” The robot says, “Well, it’s been a long day and I need to loosen up. How about a screwdriver?”