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Today Is…

FRIDAY – Apr 10

THURSDAY – Apr 9

WEDNESDAY – Apr 8

Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!

TODAY’S ALMANAC

FRIDAY ALMANAC – Apr 10

THURSDAY ALMANAC – Apr 9

WEDNESDAY ALMANAC – Apr 8

Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music

TODAY’S TRIVIA

FRIDAY TRIVIA – Apr 10

THURSDAY TRIVIA – Apr 9

WEDNESDAY TRIVIA – Apr 8

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Thursday through Sunday

DUNKING DUNKMAN LEAGUE TO BRING OUT THE DUNKING DUNKERS

Dunk.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Monday through Wednesday

GUCCI MANE KIDNAPPED BY POOH SHIESTY

Headline doesn’t make any sense to us, either.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Thursday through Sunday

RESTAURANT REVIEW: THE TRAVIS KELCE & PATRICK MAHOMES STEAKHOUSE

Not lovin’ it.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Monday through Wednesday

TIGER WOODS IN ANOTHER CAR CRASH, ARRESTED

One over.

JEOPARDY! LET’S RUN IT INTO THE GROUND!

I’ll take Oversaturation for a thousand, Ken.

JOKE OF THE DAY

Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.

Why did the jelly bean go to school?

posted April 10
Because he really wanted to be a Smartie.

How did the magician get chocolate on his shirt?

posted April 9
He had some Twix up his sleeve.

Wife says, “You need to do more chores around the house.”

posted April 8
He husband says, “Can we change the subject?” Wife says, “Alright. More chores around the house need to be done by you.”

Why did the Easter egg hide?

posted April 7
Because he was a little chicken.

Guy goes to the doctor.

posted April 6
He says, I was bitten by a wolf.” Doctors asks, “Where?” Guy says, “No, just a regular wolf.”

U.S. NEWS

MAN WITH OUTSTANDING WARRANT APPLIES FOR POLICE JOB

He copped to it.

CHICK-FIL-A EMPLOYEE FINDS $10,000, RETURNS IT, TRIES TO DECLINE REWARD

WWJD? WWRMcDD?

96 BANANAS STOLEN FROM WAWA

Approximately.

ALLIGATOR ON THE CAR ROOF

Hey, somebody left a perfectly good alligator by the side of the road!

POLICE APOLOGIZE FOR NAMING WRONG MAN AS FECES SMEARER

Gee, sorry about that and all.

TOILET PAPER WAREHOUSE SET ON FIRE

Arse-on.

SLINGSHOT VANDALS ARRESTED

Somebody’s asses are in a sling.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

CANADA BESET BY FAKE SYRUP SCANDAL

Unpure thoughts.

MAN STEALS FAMILY’S INHERITANCE, BLOWS IT ON HORSE SEMEN

What a vial thing to do.

RUSSIAN WANTS SOVEREIGN TERRITORY ON THE MOON

Just what the moon needs: assholes.

AUDIO: WOMAN GIVES BIRTH AT HOCKEY GAME

Power move.

CRUISE PASSENGERS MAROONED ON “CAST AWAY” ISLAND

Wouldn’t it be ironic if the captain’s name was Wilson?

RETIRED MATADOR KILLED BY BULL

Ironía

RAPUNZEL ATTACKED BY CROWS

Disneyland is for the birds.

THIEVES STEALING OUTHOUSES IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

We’re not privy to the details.

FUNNY PICTURES

Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.

Let’s Play Makeup

posted April 10

Someone Has Way Too Much Time At Breakfast

posted April 10

Let’s Twist Again

posted April 9

Hey. Hey Hey!!!

posted April 9

The Birds 2

posted April 8

They Should Be Arrested

posted April 8

THE BUZZ

TRULY WEIRD NAMES FOR THINGS

Star Wars.

HOW DID YOU GET YOUR NAME?

As if your parents gave it a lot of thought.

THE COST OF RAISING A BABY

What a racket.

DUMB HEADLINES

Actual headlines. Actual stupid headlines.

WHY CATS NEVER FINISH THEIR FOOD

Because they hate you?

HEALTHY HABITS

Good health’ll kill ya.

AUDIO: PRICEY ENGAGEMENT RINGS LOSING POPULARITY

Wonder why?

HOW TO STOP SEAGULLS FROM GRABBING YOUR FOOD

Googly eyes.

TRENDING

PINK TO HOST TONY AWARDS

MADONNA TO GUEST ON “THE STUDIO”

SNL HOSTS FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON

LAINEY WILSON FREEZING HER EGGS

WHAT’S REPLACING “LATE NIGHT WITH STEPHEN COLBERT”

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE (April 3-5)

COLIN JOST TO PLAY DENTIST-TURNED-DRUG KINGPIN

EUGENE MIRMAN, “BOB’S BURGERS” VOICE TALENT, IN CAR ACCIDENT

NEW MOVIES

Click on name for details and audio clips

YOU, ME AND TUSCANY

Starts Friday, April 10 in theaters.

HUNTING MATTHEW NICHOLS

Starts Friday, April 10 in theaters.

THE SUPER MARIO GALAXY MOVIE

Starts Friday, April 3 in theaters.

THE DRAMA

Starts Friday, April 3 in theaters.

Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.

SONG – WORK ON MY TAXES ALL DAY

Wht are YOU doing this weekend?

THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

For Friday, April 10.

TACHYON TAX

Faster than TurboTax!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

Funny fake sponsorship announcements

A & M AUTOLAND – Tax Time

Al and Mike try to have fun with your refund.

RED PLOPSTER SHRIMP MONTH

This is it, baby.

THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

For Friday, April 3.

PROMOS-TO-GO

Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts

A & M AUTOLAND – April Fools

Al and Mike are fools no matter what month it is.

ONE MINUTE OPTICAL

Why wait a whole hour for glasses?

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

Funny fake sponsorship announcements

A & M AUTOLAND – Dollar Days

Big Al’s calling his sale Dollar Days, even though he has no cents.

THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

For Friday, March 20.

PROMOS-TO-GO

Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts

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