OPRAH’S FAVORITE THINGS FOR 2016

Here are some of Oprah’s Favorite Things, the list she puts out every year of things that people pay her to mention. There are around 100 things on the list this year, everything from scented fireplace starters to kitchen appliances to Dr. Dre’s Beats Cordless Headphones to more kitchen appliances to prepare all that food you’re not supposed to be eating because you’re on Weight Watchers. All the Oprah quotes are from the actual list.
(Full list here: http://www.oprah.com/gift/Oprahs-Favorite-Things-2016-Full-List-Oprahs-Poinsettia-Flower-Pot-Cake?editors_pick_id=65969)
– Poinsettia Flower Pot Cake: chocolate cake with vanilla mousse – which looks like a potted poinsettia but is entirely edible. $165.
– Trio Gloves: You actually get THREE gloves – a pair and a spare – in the set, for when you lose one. Also, the glove fingers are touchscreen-friendly.
– Orbit Key Finder: A gizmo you attach to your key chain, download the free app, and find your keys with your phone. It also works in reverse, too: Press a button on the gizmo to find your cell.
– “The Book of Joy”: The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu share their wisdom in this uplifting book.
– “Food Health and Happiness”: A cookbook written by Oprah (* uh-huh). Says Oprah, “I’ve been wanting to share the recipes I love to make (Weight Watchers points and all) – and the lessons I’ve learned about ending my lifelong struggle with eating.” (* Struggle? You chew, you swallow.)
– Hardie Grant Coloring Book, with Bright Ideas Colored Pencils: Says Oprah, “Iyanla recently gave me a few adult coloring books, and filling in the blanks has become one of my preferred ways to de-stress.”
– Eyewear Boxes from Specs Appeal: Literally, a box in which you keep your multiple pairs of eyeglasses. Says Oprah, “I’m keeping my ever-growing glasses collection in these velvet-lined, high-gloss cases, which hold four or eight pairs.” $60 each.
– Stolen Riches Shoe Laces: Literally, colored shoelaces, $17.50 to $19.50 a pair.
– Jane Pound Cakes: “Texas-based bakery owner Janie Clapp makes pound cake using only natural ingredients, just as her great-grandmother taught her. Filled with coffee-toffee buttercream or raspberry curd! (* Mmmmm. Curd.) Hands down, it’s the best pound cake I’ve ever had,” says Weight Watchers spokesperson Oprah. $28 to $40 per cake.
– Detroit Friends Potato Chips: “To help revitalize the Hope District of Detroit, Michael Wimberley repurposed vacant lots into community gardens to grow potatoes locally, creating job opportunities and a terrific chip that actually tastes like a sliced potato. I’ll snack to that!” says Oprah, stuffing them into her mouth by the fistful. $35 for eight snack-sized bags.
– Biggie’s Tower of Toffee: Says Oprah, “They don’t call it ‘crack toffee’ for nothing.”
– English Muffins and Preserves Set: Says Oprah, “These English muffins are my current carb of choice: crunchy on the outside, fluffy on the inside, and scrumptious all over – especially when slathered with the amazing Clif Family preserves that are included. Full disclosure: I took a few bags home from the shoot!” $40 for what appears to be a bag of 6 muffins and a small jar of jam.
– Farmshop Holiday Cookie Collection: Three flavors – in citrus-cranberry white chocolate chip, triple chocolate chunk, and chocolate chip. $65 for eight cookies of each flavor (* we’ll do the math: 3 flavors x 8 cookies = 24 cookies @ $65 = $2.70 per cookie).
* Shh – listen. You hear that? It’s the Weight Watchers CEO screaming.
* So, how much of every dollar of this overpriced, pretentious, preciously artisan crap goes into Oprah’s pockets? 15 cents? 25 cents?
* How about an all-natural sandlewood yo-yo from a sustainably farmed forest you can play with as your weight goes up and down, up and down from eating the pounds cakes and cookies and toffee?
* Screw this. What’s Gwyneth Paltrow offering over on Goop?
* This kind of reminds me of Larry King’s little snippets: “Why do I love potato chips so much?”
* I was openly scornful ’til I got to the Orbit Key Finder to find your keys. That one is genius.
* Now I just need another app to find my glasses.
* “The Book of Joy”? That has to be the most sarcastic book title I ever heard.
* Oprah de-stresses by filling in coloring books? What is she? 5-years-old?
* PHONE TOPIC: Ladies, have you ever bought anything off Oprah’s Favorites list? Were you happy with it, or disappointed?