THE ANNUAL “COST OF TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS” STORY

The cost of 10 lords a-leaping increased 3 percent over last year, but nine of the other 12 gifts listed in the carol “The Twelve Days of Christmas” stayed the same price as last year, according to the 32nd annual PNC Wealth Management Christmas Price Index released Monday. The set of gifts spelled out in the final verse of the song would cost $34,131 this year, or 0.6 percent more than the 2014 price of $33,933. The cost of the partridge rose 3.5 percent overall, mostly because partridges now cost $25 each, up from $20, because partridges are increasingly popular as gourmet food. Pear trees inched up from $188 to just under $190. Turtle doves increased 11.5 percent, from $260 to $290, mostly due to increased grain prices that pushed up feed costs. The lords a-leaping are more expensive because labor costs increased their price from $5,348 to $5,509.
* Of course, it also depends on how long you want the lords to keep a-leaping. Truth is, after a few minutes, it gets old.
* I guess the maids a-milking are still seeking salary parity with the men.
* Thanks for ruining my day. I had no idea someone was going to EAT the partridge!
* Pear trees are a dollar more this year? You BASTARDS!
* The takeaway: If you want serious money management, stay away from these “PNC” clowns.
* I may have to re-gift last year’s 12 Days of Christmas.
* Correction: We’re cutting back to the 9 days of Christmas.
* And the pear tree is now made of plastic.
* In other compromises: “My true love gave to me” has been replaced by someone you just met online.
* And they give you the clap.