NORWAY CHEATS AT SKI JUMPING

Is nothing sacred anymore? The Norway ski jumping team is being accused of cheating by altering the regulation ski jumping suits. Athletes noticed that the suits were a little loose in the crotch. This could cause a pocket of wind resistance to the jumper midflight. (* No one wants resistance blowing at their crotch mid-performance.) An investigation found the suits’ crotches “contained a reinforced thread, making them more aerodynamic,” by reducing the amount of resistance to blowing in the crotchal area. Plus, extra material had been added – the extra stiffer material between athletes’ legs helped add to flight time. (* Wait – are we still talking about ski jumping?) In any event, two Norway Olympic gold medalists were suspended Wednesday and cannot compete in a World Cup event in Oslo that started on Thursday. Though both athletes insisted they knew nothing about deliberately altered ski suits, their head coach and equipment manager confessed to manipulating the crotch area and were, uh, discharged.
* Fired. The word is fired. Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
* “Coach, my suit feels stiffer… down there.” “That’s perfectly normal for a man your age, Olaf.”
* This is outrageous! Modifying the wind resistance of one square foot of a ski jumper’s suit could improve their time by as much as one-millionth of a second!
* Sorry, but compared to “deflategate,” I’m finding it hard to get excited about this.
* The plan was discovered when one Norwegian went off the jump in Norway and landed in Sweden.