FRIDAY, Aug 30 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, August 30, 2024
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NOTE: MORNING SIDEKICK WILL BE OFF ON MONDAY, SEPT. 2 FOR THE U.S. LABOR DAY HOLIDAY. WE WILL RETURN WITH PREP FOR TUESDAY, SEPT. 3

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

FRANKENSTEIN DAY
Birthday of “Frankenstein” author Mary Wollenstone Shelley, born on August 30, 1797.

INTERNATIONAL WHALE SHARK DAY

NATIONAL MARSHMALLOW TOASTING DAY

NATIONAL HOLISTIC PET DAY

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

THE BUZZMY LITTLE SECRET

Reddit asked, ‘What weird secret have you kept from everyone?” Some of the responses:
– “The kids have been eating regular Cheerios for years. Maybe five years now out of the same Honey Nut Cheerios box.”
– “I won second place at my work’s annual chili competition using a bunch of cups of Wendy’s chili that I put in a crockpot.”
– “I won a lottery, keeping it secret.”
– “I sleep-eat sometimes after taking my Ambien. I woke up one morning and saw the cat food bowl with a spoon in it. Empty.”
– “I fake an accent at work because it gets me more tips.”
– “I fixed the election for my high school’s prom queen decades ago.”
– “I spilled beer on a wedding dance floor. Groom’s aunt slipped and broke her leg.”
– “I’m a published author, but don’t want friends and family reading my writing. It’s for strangers only!”
– “Right before Covid I did a stand up comedy open mic night. My first and last time. It was a huge success. everybody loved it. Told no one.”
– “I don’t actually understand most of the things I laugh at.”
– “I had my grandmothers ashes in my car after her funeral. The car caught fire and blew up (there was a recall on that model for that exact reason). The fire department wouldn’t let me look for the ashes. So I had to go and buy another urn and fill it with ground cat litter. I’m so sorry Grandma!”
* PHONE TOPIC: Have you got an interesting secret about your life? (Caution: beware of family abuse and secret affair stories. You’re not looking for those kind of secrets.)

U.S. NEWS

GUY RUNS STOP SIGN, CAR’S FULL OF DRUGS & STUFF

In Springfield, Massachusetts, police saw a speeding car run a stop sign. The car sped up once the officers turned on their emergency lights, but it then got stuck in traffic and pulled over. The driver, 38-year-old Alexander Negron of Chicopee, was arrested. From the car, police seized a loaded gun with a 50 round magazine, more than $1500 in cash, 60 bags of suspected heroin, 14 bags of crack-cocaine, and an additional 200 bags of heroin.
* “You said ‘heroin’ twice.” “I like heroin.”
* So that’s $75 for running the stop sign, and 30 years in prison for the rest of it.
* He was thinking “The quicker I leave the city limits, the quicker I can relax.”
* Yet another reason to take an Uber.

COUPLE “GETTIN’ BUSY” IN THE BACKSEAT FORGET TO SET PARKING BRAKE

In Philadelphia, a couple’s “getting busy” session in their car nearly ended in tragedy after their SUV rolled into a river while they were in the backseat. The lovebirds were allegedly having sex in a 2020 Range Rover near the Schuylkill (“skook-ee-ull”) River in the city’s Fairmount Park around 4:15 a.m. Wednesday when somebody bumped the stick shift (* I bet they did!). The Range Rover rolled backwards and tumbled over the edge of a wall into the water. The unidentified couple were able to jump out of the SUV before it hit the water. Neither was injured.
* This is why, when having sex, you should always wear protection, and of course I’m talking about life preservers.
* How do you hit the gear shift in the front if you’re gettin’ it in the backseat, as it were?
* From “I’ll Tumble 4 YA” to tumbling into the a river.
* There was some miscommunication. The guy asked the girl if she wanted him to “put on the brakes,” and she said, “Oh, HELL no!!”
* If you’re planning on making love in a car, you gotta prepare. You gotta check the connecting rod, the ball joint, the bushing, the fluid coupling, the injection system, your intake manifold, your slip angle… and then there’s a bunch of stuff on the car you should check.
* And maybe stick to parking garages.

AUDIO: WOMAN DIES IN OFFICE CUBICLE, NO ONE NOTICES

Back on August 16, 60-year-old Denise Prudhomme scanned into work at a Wells Fargo corporate office in Tempe, Arizona, at 7 a.m. Four days later, on August 20, a colleague found her unresponsive at her cubicle. She was dead. Prudhomme’s cubicle was reportedly on the third floor and away from the main aisle. Several people had smelled a foul odor but passed it off as faulty plumbing. Police say there’s nothing suspicious about the death, but still haven’t confirmed how she died.
* Dying at your desk has got to be good for Employee of the Month, at the least.
OR
* Sometimes it’s easy to spot who on the staff is dead weight.
* It might be time to give a review to the night janitorial crew.
* The colleague said it was a real shame and called dibs on her chicken salad sandwich in the fridge.
* Worst of all, now Wells Fargo is behind on the TPS reports, and they need them ASAP.
CLIP: Going back a ways, here’s our song parody of ‘You’re Beautiful’, “My Cubicle.”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/10-24-MyCubicle(dot)mp3

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

CRUISE SHIP OFFERING 3-YEAR CRUISE HAS YET TO LEAVE PORT

[Note: This cruise ship story is similar to ANOTHER long-term cruise story from several months ago, but in that case the passengers showed up in Istanbul and discovered there was no boat!]
A cruise liner offering a three-year voyage around the world has been sitting in Belfast, Ireland, three months past its scheduled departure date. The Odyssey, operated by the US cruise line Villa Vie Residences, was scheduled to depart Belfast on May 30. But there were problems with the ship’s rudders and gearbox, so it’s still sitting in port. Passengers who had paid up to $900,000 for a cabin arrived in May. Some people had sold their houses, expecting to live on the boat for three years, but for the past three months they have been stuck in the city. They are permitted to spend their days onboard, and get meals and some entertainment there, but they can’t stay on the ship at night. The company is putting them up in hotels. Mike Petterson, the chief executive of Villa Vie Residences, said they are now in the last stages of departure and expect a successful launch next week “after which we will head to Bremerhaven, Amsterdam, Lisbon, then across the Atlantic for our Caribbean segment.”
* And if you believe that, I’ve got a leprechaun I’d like to sell you.
* Obviously the ship’s crappy rudders and gearbox were built by Boeing.
* No big deal. The rudders and gearbox just let you steer and go forwards.
* The biggest tourist attraction in Belfast is something called “The Titanic Experience.” Just what you want to visit when you’re waiting for your cheap-ass boat to be repaired before it sails across the ocean.
* The cruise ship company is offering all passengers a complimentary stomach virus while they wait.

ALMANACNOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 2, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Wednesday – Patriot Day
Sept. 20, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Sunday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 8:44 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 14, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Wednesday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Thursday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Cameron Diaz (actress) … 52
Sherrie Austin (country singer) … 53
Michael Chiklis (actor, “Gotham,” “American Horror Story,” “The Shield”) … 61
Lewis Black (comedian, actor) … 76
Robert Crumb (anti-establishment cartoonist, created Mr. Natural (Keep On Truckin’) and Fritz the Cat) … 81

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Most men are the same. They’re only interested in (blank)ing you and they don’t care whether you’re happy or sad. They just want to get on with their business in and out of bed, and they make you feel that you don’t count except as their sex toy.”

(A) Whoopi Goldberg
(B) Madonna
(C) Cameron Diaz

ANSWER: (C) Cameron Diaz

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2021 – China restricts online gaming for under 18s to one hour on Fridays, weekends and holidays, and orders companies to enforce the regulation.
* “And pick up your room – it looks like a hurricane hit it.”

1996 – An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull snapped.
* Nylon? Nice to know they didn’t spare any expense.

1993 – On CBS-TV “The Late Show with David Letterman” premiered.
* That was back when he had almost normal hair.

1990 – President George H.W. Bush told a news conference that a “new world order” could emerge from the Gulf crisis.
* Osama bin Laden had other plans for what that order would look like.

1963 – The “Hotline” between Moscow and Washington went into operation.
* It was instituted to help avert world disasters, and also of course to manage that high-level international call-girl ring.

1918 – Vladamir Lenin, the new leader of Soviet Russia, was shot and wounded after a speech.
* Tough audience.

1146 – The crossbow was outlawed in Europe, with the intention of ending war for all time.
* These days, it would be a big improvement if wars were fought with ONLY crossbows!

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2016 – The 2017 edition of Guinness World Records said that Ringo Starr’s copy of The Beatles’ White Album was officially the most expensive LP ever sold at auction. Guinness confirmed that a December 2015 sale at Julien’s Auction House set a new high for album prices when the first-edition copy with the catalog number 0000001, which was kept in a vault in perfect condition by Starr for more than 35 years, sold for $790,000.

2003 – Stella McCartney married publisher Alasdhiar Willis on Scotland’s Isle Of Bute. Guests included Sir Paul McCartney, Madonna, Chrissie Hynde and Coldplay’s Chris Martin.

1998 – Marilyn Manson changed his appearance from blackened eyes for lighter makeup and 70’s outfits including platform shoes. The sound of his album “Mechanical Animals” was a radical change from the 1996 album “Antichrist Superstar.”

1989 – Billy Joel fired his manager and former brother-in-law Frank Weber, after an audit revealed discrepancies. Joel sued Weber and Allen Grubman, the lawyer who had long represented him in his dealings with Sony Music, for $90 million. In the fall of 1993, the suit was settled with a payment from Sony of $3 million.

1989 – Izzy Stradlin of Guns ‘N’ Roses was arrested for creating a disturbance on an airline flight.

1988 – Bruce Springsteen’s wife Julianne filed for a divorce after newspapers published photos of Springsteen and backing singer Patti Scialfa together while staying in a hotel.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. In 1950, 7% of people did THIS, but today, over 70% of us do it. What is it?
Color our hair

2. Those who have one of THESE only use it on average about 8 times per month. What is it?
A landline phone

3. 80% of American adults surveyed say they haven’t done THIS in more than ten years. What is it?
Gone to a library

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