WEDNESDAY, Apr 24 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, April 24, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Free Iron

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL PIGS-IN-A-BLANKET DAY

April is:

Adopt a Greyhound Month
Car Care Month
Celebrate Diversity Month
D.E.A.R Drop Everything and Read Month
International Guitar Month
Jazz Appreciation Month
Keep America Beautiful Month
National Card and Letter Writing Month
National Garden Month
National Humor Month
National Poetry Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

POST MALONE STORY BECOMING GRAPHIC NOVEL, MOVIE

Post Malone has written an original story that will be published as a graphic novel in 2025, and is meanwhile being developed into a feature film. Says Post: “I’m so pumped to share this badass story with the world.” In Post Malone’s story, an 18-wheeler is sent back to medieval Europe to fight demons with its heavy artillery. Let’s read that again: An 18-wheeler is sent back to medieval Europe to fight demons with its heavy artillery.
* I think the face tattoo ink is starting to seep into the brain.
* Well, this is just stupid. If you sent an 18-wheeler back to medieval Europe, it would change history and none of us would be here, and obviously that didn’t happen.
* Am I wrong, or were there no highways in medieval Europe?
* Does the 18-wheeler fill up with gas at a medieval Bucky’s? (NO! Because Bucky’s doesn’t allow 18-wheelers, only cars!)
* Is the 18-wheeler sentient, or is there a driver involved, like in that classic Mark Twain story, “A Connecticut Teamster in King Arthur’s Peterbilt”?

THE BUZZ

SURVEY: WHICH CELEB WOULD YOU WANT AS PRESIDENT?

A new survey of 2,000 Americans, conducted for Study Finds, asked which celebrity you would want as president. They gave a list of about 40 popular actors and celebrities, ranging from Beyoncé and Jennifer Aniston to Ryan Reynolds and Elon Musk.
1. Denzel Washington
2. Dwayne Johnson
3. Tom Hanks
4. Clint Eastwood (* well, he’s certainly got the age thing going for him now)
5. George Clooney
6. Oprah Winfrey
7. Matthew McConaughey
8. Bill Gates
9. Elon Musk
10. Mark Cuban
* How is Martin Sheen not at the top of this list? He’s got 8 years of TV president experience. And Allison Janney!
* And who wouldn’t want Aaron Sorkin to write two terms of a Martin Sheen presidency?
* Oprah wouldn’t do it. Can’t afford the pay cut.
* What this list says to me is “Cram it, Ryan Seacrest!”

TOP 30 EVERYDAY IRRITATIONS

According to a survey in Britain of 2,000 people, from the Weetabix breakfast cereal company (*Weetabix is like Shredded Wheat only even more unappetizing, as if that’s possible), here are the Top 30 Everyday Irritations. Yeah, It’s England, but things are the same all over:
1. Owners who don’t pick-up after their dog
2. Potholes
3. Being stuck on hold on the phone
4. Not using turn signals while driving
5. Drivers who take up two parking spaces
6. Being told it’s an incorrect password
7. Slow walkers
8. Cyclists not using cycling paths
9. Not holding the door open for others behind them
10. Finding an empty roll of toilet paper
11. Not cleaning up after themselves in shared spaces
12. Middle-lane hogging
13. The “unexpected item in bagging area” message/ slow checkouts
14. Plans being cancelled last minute
15. People listening to music without pairing headphones on public transport
16. People putting the recyclable items in the general trash and vice versa
17. Putting their bags on seats on public transport
18. Really difficult “are you a robot” security tests online
19. When food goes out of date without you realizing
20. When you think you’ve turned the plug switch on and you’ve been charging it
21. Someone sitting in your reserved seat a plane or train
22. When the shopping handle bags break
23. Umbrellas that blow inside out
24. When people reveal spoilers in TV shows
25. When your headphones aren’t charged when you go to use them
26. Someone putting an empty milk carton back in the fridge
27. Bad calls by soccer officials
28. Family members not putting their shoes away
29. When face recognition software on your phone doesn’t recognize your face
30. Ignoring the “keep right” rule on escalators
* How about “People who complain about everything”?
* No one mentioned “Lists of the Obvious?”
* What’s REALLY annoying to the Brits is when they realize the Royal Family don’t have to deal with any of these.
* Weetabix paid real money for this survey? They got ripped off.

U.S. NEWS

SON GIVES MOM $1 MILLION LOTTO WINNER

A Virginia woman won $1 million from a Powerball ticket her son gave her because he was leaving on a vacation. Maria Roldan of Vienna, Virginia, said her son gave her the Powerball ticket he bought from a 7-Eleven because he was leaving for a vacation and wouldn’t be around for the drawing. The ticket matched the first five winning numbers in the March 11 drawing, making her the only $1 million winner in the country that night.
* There’s a new favorite kid in THAT family.
* Boy, that almost makes the nine months of pregnancy and the delivery worth it.
* Sometimes it’s worth a million dollars to not have to visit. Just sayin’.
* Who’s paying for Mother’s Day brunch this year, right mom?

DOORDASH DRIVER REFUSED TO DROP FOOD OFF TO NUDE MAN

A female DoorDash driver claims she was penalized by the food delivery company for refusing to drop off an order to a male nudist. The woman, with username @acrispygal99, said it was a $10.50 job and she would have had to drive 8 miles. While waiting for the food order at the restaurant, she got a message from the customer saying, ‘Just to let you know, I am a nudist and WILL be answering the door nude.’ She responded with, ‘Okay, I will be canceling then’ and then called DoorDash support. But DoorDash told her that she would not be able to cancel the order without it affecting her “completion rate.”
* I’m sorry, crispygal99, was that you on my order?
* No one wants to deliver food to a naked man. “OK, here’s your corn dog… aaaand THERE’S your corn dog.”
* “You can answer the door nude, but I’ll be livestreaming the whole thing.”
* “What, no tip?” “No, I’m a gentile.”
* DoorDash, meet DoorFlash.

FLAMETHROWING ROBOT DOG NOW AVAILABLE TO BUY

An American company has built a flamethrowing robot dog that is available for purchase online. Called the Thermonator, the four-legged robot can be controlled from your phone and comes equipped with an ARC Flamethrower mounted on its back, which is capable of shooting jets of fire up to 30 feet. Designed by Ohio-based firm Throwflame, the $9,400 robot is not advertised as a weapon. The company suggests possible uses include wildlife control, snow and ice removal and general entertainment.
* Also keeps visiting relatives away this summer. Speaking of which: order now for Christmas for the kids!
* Well, hot dog!
* The Thermonator, eh? Does it say, “I’ll be bahrk.”?
* When it wants to play fetch, you darn well better play fetch.
* The booklet with all the Warnings is bigger than the dog.

OSTRICH EATS KEEPER’S KEYS, DIES

In Kansas, Karen, a 5-year-old female ostrich at the Topeka Zoo, recently died after grabbing and swallowing a staff member’s keys. Zoo officials say Karen reached beyond her exhibit fence to grab the keys of a staff member, and immediately swallowed them. Zoo staff members consulted with experts across the country about what surgical and non-surgical steps could could be taken to help Karen. Unfortunately, these efforts were unsuccessful. The Topeka Zoo said they will be reviewing and enhancing its protocols to further strengthen the safety measures in place for all its residents.
* They found the owner of the keys by waiting to see who needed a ride home.
* They wanted to recover the keys, but no one had arms long enough.
* Did they try a horseshoe magnet on a long string?
* In happier news, the public is invited to the zoo’s big chicken barbecue this Saturday.

ARE CAPTCHA TESTS GETTING TOUGHER?

Do you feel that those CAPTCHA tests online seem to be getting harder? They are. The puzzles that ask you to find all the streetlights or guess the squiggly letters are used to ward off bots that crash sites or jeopardize security. According to the Wall Street Journal, the puzzles are getting more weird and difficult, asking humans to identify objects that are the same shape, click on the only nonaquatic animal or select “the red object in front of the object that appears once.” Kevin Gosschalk, CEO of Arkose Labs, who develop CAPTCHA tests, says things are going to get even stranger, because now with AI you have to do something that’s nonsensical, otherwise, “it will be able to understand.” He says he goal “isn’t to design something that machines can’t do” but to craft puzzles that are really expensive for developers to try and train software to do.
* Yes, but soon they’ll use AI to train the software and game over.
* By the way: CAPTCHA stands for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart.” Remember that, in case one of those things asks you what CAPTCHA stand for, because a computer could never remember such a lousy anagram.
* First they give us computers, then they develop a program that wants to keep us from using computers. This has to be some sort of massive psychological test out of MIT.
* CAPTCHA, as opposed to CATCHPA, which is when my Dad would get drunk and run down the street and we’d have to get him and bring him back.

TRENDING

WHEN DOES OLD AGE START?

How old do you have to be for people to consider you old? A new study published in the journal Psychology and Aging analyzed data from over 14,000 people born between 1911 and 1974. Participants were asked a simple question: “At what age would you describe someone as old?”
– People in their mid-60s believe “old age” begins around 75.
– The older people get, though, the later they think it begins. People’s perceptions of old age changes up to eight times over the years. For every four to five years that passed, participants reported that old age started a year later compared to their last assessment.

ANNE HATHAWAY HAD TO MAKE OUT WITH TEN GUYS WHILE AUDITIONING

In an interview with V Magazine, Anne Hathaway says she had to do “chemistry tests” with different actors in the early days of her career, that they would ask an actor to make out with other actors during the audition process back in the early 2000s. “I was told, ‘We have ten guys coming today, aren’t you excited to make out with all of them?’ And I thought, ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ because I wasn’t excited. I thought it sounded gross.” She said she went along with it because she didn’t want to labeled as “difficult.” She adds, “It was just a very different time, and now we know better,” she added without naming the role.

TOM CRUISE BREAKDANCES AT VICTORIA BECKHAM’S BIRTHDAY PARTY

Former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham had a 50th birthday party last Saturday night in London. One of the guests: Tom Cruise, 61, who reportedly stole the show with his dance moves. Cruise has reportedly been friends with the Beckhams for 20 years. He reportedly did a breakdance routine – with splits – that wowed the A-list crowd. All the Spice Girls were there, too, and treated guests to a performance of their 1997 single “Stop.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Friday – Flag Day
June 16, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 20, Thursday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 4:50 P.M. EST)

BIRTHDAYS

Joe Keery (actor, “Fargo,” “Stranger Things”) … 32
Kelly Clarkson (singer, “American Idol” first season winner) … 42
Cedric the Entertainer (Cedric Antonio Kyles, actor-comedian, “The Neighborhood”) … 60
Doug Clifford (drummer with Credence Clearwater Revival) … 79
Richard Sterban (singer with The Oak Ridge Boys) … 81
Barbara Streisand (singer and actress) … 82
Shirley MacLaine (actress, “Downton Abbey”) … 90

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I don’t care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong.”

(A) Jake Gyllenhaal
(B) Zach Galifianakis
(C) Barbra Streisand

ANSWER: (C) Barbra Streisand

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1984 – Several earthquakes shook San Francisco causing millions of dollars in damage.
* The good news was – it wasn’t the huge western quake scientists are expecting. Or – IS that good news?

1981 – The IBM-PC computer was introduced.
* Now people at home could enjoy the same impatience and frustration previously reserved for professional computer users.

1962 – MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time, from California to Massachusetts.
* Paving the way for 24-hour-a-day crappy movies.

1956 – American League umpire Frank Umont became the first to wear glasses in a regular season game.
* Now that’s just plain asking for it.

1908 – Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Murdock became the first people to travel across the U.S. by car. They left Los Angeles in a Packard and arrived in New York City in 32 days, 5 hours, and 25 minutes.
* And immediately made a mad dash for the restroom.

1888 – The Eastman Kodak Corporation was formed.
* They were hoping big things would develop.

1880 – The Library of Congress opened.
* Though they tried to keep it hush-hush.

1831 – The soda fountain was patented.
* Now all they needed was some jerk to run it.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2012 – Sinead O’Connor canceled the remaining dates of her world tour, saying she was still recovering from a “very serious breakdown.” In a statement on her official website, she said she had scrapped all concerts due to her bipolar disorder.

2007 – Sheryl Crow said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment. The singer suggested using “only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required.”

2004 – Marion “Suge” Knight, the founder of Death Row records, was released from Mule Creek State Prison in California after serving 10 months for breaking his parole on a 1997 assault.

1992 – David Bowie and supermodel Iman were married. The wedding was announced about a week later.

1989 – The governor of Massachusetts declared it “New Kids on the Block” day.

1969 – Paul McCartney said there was no truth to rumors that he was dead.

1968 – The Beatles’ Apple Records refused to sign David Bowie.

1961 – Bob Dylan earned a $50 session fee for playing harmonica on Harry Belafonte’s “Midnight Special.”

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. On average, the people who have one of THESE use it fewer than 2 times a week. What is it?
A land-line phone

2. 44% of people re-use THIS. What is it?
Aluminum foil

3. According to a recent survey, almost 70% of people have a favorite one of THESE. What is it?
Coffee mug

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