TUESDAY, Apr 16 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR TUESDAY, April 16, 2024
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TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL STRESS AWARENESS DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Stress Awareness Day and Stress Awareness Month is sponsored by the Health Resource Network (HRN). They started this holiday in 1992, to increase public awareness of the causes and cures of stress. Is work or school putting on the pressure? Are the kids on your nerves? Is there enough money to pay all of those the bills? There are literally thousands of reasons for you to get stressed out. RELAX!!! Today is National Stress Awareness Day. This is your opportunity to recognize that there is plenty of stress in your life … as if you didn’t already know. More importantly, today is an opportunity to learn, and to do something about the stress … before it drives you batty or worse. April is also designated as Stress Awareness Month. Did you know? There was method behind the madness. April 16 was designated as Stress Awareness Day, because it is the day after taxes are due! Note: The UK also has a National Stress Awareness Day, organized by the International Stress Management Association. It is held in November. The date changes each year.”

NATIONAL LIBRARIAN DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“National Librarian Day celebrates and honors librarians. They are among the most knowledgeable people you know. When you visit your cavernous library in search of a particular book, or a specific research topic, they always quickly point you in the right direction. And, they do so with a smile. Experts of the Dewey Decimal System, your Librarian aids and assists you in identifying and retrieving a myriad of books, periodicals, and reference material. Librarians hold a wealth of knowledge in their heads. Got a subject you are researching? Chances are, the Librarian will point you right to the book you need. Celebrate the day by sending a card to your librarian. Visit the library today, and make certain to say hello and “Thank you” to all of the librarians.”

NATIONAL EGGS BENEDICT DAY

April is:

Adopt a Greyhound Month
Car Care Month
Celebrate Diversity Month
D.E.A.R Drop Everything and Read Month
International Guitar Month
Jazz Appreciation Month
Keep America Beautiful Month
National Card and Letter Writing Month
National Garden Month
National Humor Month
National Poetry Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

CBS TO RE-AIR BILLY JOEL CONCERT AFTER MESSING IT UP

CBS ticked off a lot of people Sunday night when they cut off the end of the Billy Joel 100th Madison Square Garden concert, due to a late start of programming earlier in the evening. In the Eastern and Central time zones, the show cut off right in the middle of Piano Man, Billy Joel’s signature song. The network says they are terribly sorry and will rebroadcast Billy Joel: The 100th – Live at Madison Square Garden special in its entirety this Friday, April 19. CBS said in a statement, “We apologize to Mr. Joel, his fans, our affiliated stations, and our audience whose viewing experience was interrupted during the last song.”
* “… and we’ve fired the idiot intern.”
* Actually, they’re just gonna air the missing two minutes right before “Blue Bloods”, so make sure you pay attention.
* Mostly, CBS wants to make it up to Lexus, who had two of their commercials bumped.
* Not to spoil the ending, but it turns out the patrons of the bar put bread in his jar and say “Man, what are you doing here?”
* Honestly, I’m still questioning the true relationship between Paul, the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife, and Davy, who’s still in the navy.

FEMALE OLYMPIC ATHLETES DON’T LIKE NIKE OLYMPIC UNIFORMS

After coming out with all-but-see-through pants for major league baseball players last month, the perverts at Nike have done it again, this time with the uniforms designed for Team USA Olympians. The uniforms for track and field athletes were revealed last Thursday. The men get a traditional tank top and “mid-thigh-length” shorts. The ladies get something similar to a leotard with a very, very high-cut panty line, exposing a large amount of the pelvic region, with just a wisp of material covering the, uh, gap. The backlash and complaints of sexism followed almost immediately.
– Long jumper Tara Davis-Woodhall noted, “Wait, my hoo haa is gonna be out?”
– One critic noted that the ladies suit would necessitate “some complicated intimate grooming.”
– Retired elite runner Lauren Fleshman wasn’t amused at all, writing on Instagram, “This is not an elite athletic kit for track and field. This is a costume born of patriarchal forces that are no longer welcome or needed to get eyes on women’s sports.”
– Another unnamed athlete posted this comment: “My labia fighting for which one gets to be in the suit.”
(see the uniforms – on mannequins – here: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5n8cw0rSNH/?hl=en&img_index=1)
* Who am I to believe the fake media? I’m going to have to look into this myself.
* Even Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition photographers said, “Whoa – put some clothes on!”
* On the other hand, a lot of the men’s diving team asked if any of the gals wanted to trade.
* Who’s designing this stuff over at Nike? Frat kids?

THE BUZZ

THE MOST OVERWHELMING TIME OF THE DAY: 8:15 AM

According to a new survey of 2,000 British adults, from Onken yogurt, 51 percent say they feel “often overwhelmed” just getting out of bed in the morning.
– The average time of day people feel the most overwhelmed is 8:15 am.
– The toughest challenges: facing the working day ahead, leaving the house on time, not oversleeping, getting kids ready for school, looking for lost keys, and figuring out what to wear.
* Gee, those sound tough. I wonder how this survey would play in, say, Ukraine?
* Wouldn’t oversleeping be a great way to get past the 8:15 trauma?
* And I don’t care who sponsored the survey, the prospect of a tub of yogurt isn’t pulling me out of bed, either.
* Stop whining. This is why we invented Bloody Marys.

HOW NOT TO IMPRESS SOMEONE

Reddit asked, “What’s the dumbest thing you’ve said to someone while trying to impress them? Some of the responses:
– “I was talking to a girl about how I had recently recovered from Lyme disease. When I finished talking I asked, ‘So what diseases do you have?’”
– “Had a crush on my next door neighbor. She was getting out of her car while l was working on the lawn mower. She came over and said ‘Nice to see you.’ I replied back. ‘Yes it is nice to see me.’ She never spoke to me again after that.”
– “A sweet guy that I was super interested in told me he liked me. Me, being awkward, just said ‘Thank you.’ Later I wondered why the relationship never progressed.”
– “Told my high school crush that I owned 12 Nintendo DS’s. She called my bluff and for some reason I doubled down. Later I had to make an apology tweet confirming I only had 3 Nintendo DS’s, not 12. In reality, though, I only had 1.”
– “When she first came to my apartment, I made sure to be outside changing the oil in my car so she would think ‘Oh, he’s handy.’ Learned much later her dad was on a race team, both as a driver and a pit crew member. She had spent many weekends at the race track. I realized that my oil change shenanigans were underwhelming. She married me anyway.”
– “‘I think your prostetic leg is very hot’ on our first date, we’ve been together for almost a year now.”
PHONE TOPIC: What’s the dumbest thing you ever said or did to impress someone?

U.S. NEWS

MAN TRIES ROBBING BANK WITH TRANSLATOR APP

A Venezuelan man tried robbing a bank in Sandusky, Ohio, using a translator app on his phone. The 20-year-old suspect reportedly held up his phone to the teller. He was using a translator app to tell tellers “get the money” and “put the money in the bag.” When the tellers did not give him any money, he left. Officers found him a short time later, and an officer who spoke Spanish read him his rights and talked to him. The suspect told him he recently lost his job and needed money.
* These kids today, with their cellphones and their rock music.
* Attempted bank robbery translates to, what, 3-5 years?
* Robbing a bank with a translator app? That’s unspeakable!
* He would have gotten away but he took time to type into the translator, “Can I have one of your lollipops, please?”
* He needs an app that can translate back and forth into “Stupid.”

FLORIDA PIZZA DOUGH ASSAULT

In St. Petersburg, Florida, a man is behind bars for hitting his roommate in the head with a wad of pizza dough. Police say Joseph Tresselt, 32, was making pizza Thursday evening when he became irritated with his roommate, 62-year-old Elvis Singleton, who “started making sounds like coughing, in a way that was to irritate him.” Angered by this, Tresselt threw the pizza dough at Mr. Singleton’s head. Police reported that there was no visible injury as a result of the dough strike, yet Mr. Tresselt was arrested for misdemeanor battery and barred from returning to the pair’s apartment.
* Yep, it’s basic battery, any way you spin it.
* He threw the pizza, but he DID hold the anchovies.
* The roommate should have known better not to mess with him when he was hangry.
* No visible injury, but the victim did get a bad yeast infection in his ear.
* At least it wasn’t a frozen pizza. Ouch!

WOMAN SUES DISNEY AFTER GOOFY FALLS ON HER

A woman who visited Disney California Adventure back in April 2022 is now suing the resort, alleging that she suffered from severe injuries after Goofy fell on her, according to a new lawsuit. Katrina Griffin claims that when she was bending over to tie her daughter’s shoes, a Disney cast member dressed as Goofy “walked directly” into her, and she fell onto the “hard cement.” Landing on her with “all of his body weight,” resulted in “severe, traumatic, debilitating, and permanent injuries that necessitated significant medical care as well as emotional pain and suffering,” according to the lawsuit.
* Yet when Goofy does the same gag in a cartoon – a million laughs!
* What a Dumbo!
* Goofy be trippin’ like Alice in Wonderland.
* Who’s Dopey now, huh?
* Other than that, how’d she like her Adventure?

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

PAINTBALL-SHOOTING AI SECURITY SYSTEM

This appears to be a real thing: A Slovenian startup says they have created a smart security camera that doesn’t just identify your visitors, but will actively open fire on potential intruders with paintball pellets. PaintCam Eve is an armed home security camera that uses automatic target marking, face recognition and AI-based decision making to identify unfamiliar visitors to your property, day or night. It first gives an ED-209 style warning to anyone it doesn’t know – and if they fail to comply and leave within the time limit, Eve will start firing off paintball pellets that mark the intruder for later police identification. It also hurts to be hit with a paint pellet. Also, if you want to step things up to another level, Eve will fire tear gas projectiles.
* I was thinking steel marbles.
* It’ll be the last Amazon delivery you’ll ever get.
* First they tried it with laser tag guns, but that was just stupid.
* Does it identify the lawyers coming to your front door to subpoena you for assault?
* Does it work on dogs pooping in your yard?

TRENDING

“RUST” ARMORER SENTENCED TO 18 MONTHS IN PRISON

The woman who handed Alec Baldwin the loaded gun on the movie set has been sentenced to jail. “Rust” armorer Hannah Gutierrez-Reed sobbed throughout her court hearing as she was sentenced on Monday to the maximum possible sentence – 18 months – for her involvement in the accidental shooting death of Halyna Hutchins by Alec Baldwin in 2021. At her trial, jurors heard evidence about how Gutierrez-Reed — who was in charge of the weapons on the set of the Western — flouted gun safety protocols which allowed a live round to end up in the gun Baldwin was using for the film. The judge in the case told her, “You alone turned a safe weapon into a lethal weapon. But for you, a husband would have his wife and a little boy would have his mother.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Friday – Flag Day
June 16, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 20, Thursday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 4:50 P.M. EST)

BIRTHDAYS

Sadie Sink (actress, “Stranger Things”) … 22
Peter Billingsley (actor, director, producer, “Ralphie” in “A Christmas Story” … 53
Jon Cryer (actor, Lex Luthor in various DC comics TV shows on CW, “Two and a Half Men”) … 59
Martin Lawrence (comedian, actor) … 59
Ellen Barkin (actress) … 70
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (basketball Hall of Famer) … 77

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I just try to get along with people and show the love that I would like to be shown to me.”

(A) Vladimir Putin
(B) Kim Jong-un
(C) Martin Lawrence

ANSWER: (C) Martin Lawrence

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2012 – For the first time since 1977, no Pulitzer Prize was awarded for fiction.
* To bad they didn’t hear how I explained to the boss why I was late that day.

2003 – Michael Jordan played his last NBA game as his Washington Wizards ended their season with a loss to the Philadelphia 76ers.
* I guess the magic was gone.

1999 – Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from hockey.
* Following in the footsteps of several of his teeth that left earlier.

1987 – In response to the rise of “shock jocks,” the FCC warned radio stations that the use of indecent language was unacceptable.
* Entertainment is so much cleaner now!

1956 – The first solar powered radios went on sale.
* Parents loved ’em ’cause their kids had to go outside to tune in that newfangled rock ‘n’ roll.

1922 – Annie Oakley set a record by breaking 100 clay plate targets in a row.
* And immediately went out to get a new set of dishes.

1900 – The US Post Office sold its first book of stamps – twelve, 2-centers for a quarter.
* And keeping the extra penny was just the BEGINNING of the postal rip-offs.

1900 – The US Post Office sold its first book of stamps – twelve, 2-centers for a quarter.
* And keeping the extra penny was just the BEGINNING of the postal rip-offs.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

1999 – Hip-hop entrepreneur and superstar Sean “Puffy” Combs turned himself in for, and was charged in connection with, an alleged assault in New York of Interscope Records executive Steven Scoute.

1999 – Shania Twain became the first woman to be honored as songwriter/artist of the year by the Nashville Songwriters Association International during the 32nd Annual Songwriter Achievement Awards in Nashville.

1996 – Kiss appeared in full make-up at the 38th Grammy Awards, where they announced a reunion tour. It was the first time all four members had appeared together in over fifteen years.

1994 – Jazz crooner and pianist Harry Connick Jr. married model and video director Jill Goodacre in New Orleans.

1972 – Electric Light Orchestra made its live debut at the Greyhound Club in Surrey, England. The group had seven top 10 hits, the biggest of which was “Don’t Bring Me Down” in 1979.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. More than 40% of married people have never done THIS for their spouse. What is it?
Made them breakfast in bed

2. 15% of us like to do THIS without our significant other. What is it?
Grocery shopping

3. 19% of spouses say THIS is the most annoying thing about their mate. What it is?
Their laugh

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