TUESDAY, Mar 26 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR TUESDAY, March 26, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: NEW COMEDY MINISERIES: MISTERS OF THE AIR

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

LEGAL ASSISTANTS DAY

MAKE YOUR OWN HOLIDAY DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Make Your Own Holiday Day allows you to make today a special day for anything you want. The objective of today, is to allow one day for any topic or event that has otherwise escaped recognition… up to now. We didn’t create this day. But, we are glad its here. Over the years, many site visitors have emailed us and inquired as to how to create a holiday or special day. It’s not easy, and it’s even more difficult to create a truely national day. Today is your day to skip all of the red tape, bypass all of the effort, and create a special day of any kind. Simply declare your special day on Make Your Own Holiday Day!”

NATIONAL SPINACH DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“National Spinach Day celebrates healthy and nutritious spinach. Popeye the Sailor touted the value of spinach. Nutritionists agree, that Popeye is 100% correct! Gardeners know that spinach is easy to grow. And, it’s hardy. You can plant it as soon as the ground can be worked in the spring. Why, that’s today in many parts of the country! Celebrate today by:
1. Eating spinach. There’s no shortage of recipes. It is in everything from soups to salads, casseroles, omelets, and much more. It can be eaten raw or cooked.
2. If you are a gardener, go out and plant some spinach.
There is another day that we celebrate this healthy vegetable. It’s Fresh Spinach Day, celebrated on July 16th.”

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHEN “PRICE IS RIGHT” CONTESTANTS WET THEIR PANTS

Did we need to know this? Mike Richards, the current producer of “Jeopardy,” used to be a producer of “The Price is Right.” He tells People magazine that there was a plan in place if a contestant got so excited they wet their pants. He said, “I never saw it happen, but there were curtains and a blow dryer and a pair of sweats just in case, since we’d have to get on with the show.”
* What he’s not saying is, they developed the system for Bob Barker, in his later years.
* This must be how they came up with the “Coming or Going” game.
* It’s cruel, but if a contestant wets their pants they make them play for a washer/dryer.
* What’s the protocol on Jeopardy when a contestant’s brain explodes?
* They need to set this up on Boeing planes.

THE BUZZ

THESE KIDS TODAY

Reddit asked, “What is something about the newer generations that you can’t seem to understand?” Some of the responses:
– “Tiktok is an actual news source for some.”
– “Why do you want to watch a 100% of a concert, that you paid good money for, through your phone lens?”
– “The emails I get from my students aged 18-25 are incoherent garbage, I can’t tell if they are lazy or if it’s an actual literacy issue. And I’m barely older than they are so if this is a generational gap, it happened quickly!”
– “How angry they get when you tell them not to share core information about themselves online.”
– “Gen Z has a very strong not my problem/not my job someone else will do it/fix it attitude.”
– “Why they’d rather watch someone else play a video game than play it themselves.”
– “They don’t ‘go out.’ Their friends are on social media or online, so there’s very little ‘going out.'”
– “They don’t seem to care about learning to drive.”
– “To record something no one will ever watch.”
– “If I have to teach one more adult how alphabetical order works, I’m going to lose it. These are university graduates.”
– “Face tattoos. They always look like you have advanced syphilis from any distance.”
* PHONE TOPIC: What is something about the younger generation that bugs you? Is it really any different than what the older generation said about you?

U.S. NEWS

CRUISE SHIP CATCHES FIRE

The Bahamas-bound Carnival Freedom cruise ship caught fire Saturday afternoon. The fire broke out on the port side of the ship’s exhaust funnel. Witnesses reported the ship may have been struck by lightning, but that has not been confirmed. There were storms in the area, and the captain turned the ship toward an area of heavy rain to help put out the flames. The fire appeared to be extinguished about two hours after it ignited. This was the second time in just under two years that the funnel on this same ship, the Carnival Freedom, went up in flames while carrying passengers. There were no reported injuries to guests. The cruise line said passengers were able to attend dinner as planned Saturday night.
* God forbid anyone miss the ninth meal of the day on those things.
* Lucky it was barbecue night.
* Nothing worse than a burning sensation in your poop deck.
* That exhaust funnel wasn’t built by the same outfit that makes Boeing planes, was it?
* Carnival Freedom. How about freedom from emergencies?
* So the Fire Suppression System on a massive cruise ship is rain clouds?

TEXAS MAN CHANGES NAME TO “LITERALLY ANYBODY ELSE,” RUNS FOR PRESIDENT

A Texas man has changed his name to Literally Anybody Else. He wants to run for president. The 35-year-old candidate, formerly known as Dustin Ebey, is an Army veteran and seventh-grade math teacher in suburban Dallas. Mr. Else is trying to get on the ballot as an independent presidential candidate. He says, “I’m not delusional. This will be very hard to do, but it’s not impossible. My hope is to have the ballot read Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and then Literally Anybody Else right underneath.”
* “Look, Literally… can I call you Lit?”
* He’ll be facing stiff competition from Mr. Neither One and Mr. None of the Above.
* This would really look dumb in Disney’s Hall of Presidents.
* This is why he teaches math and not poly-sci.
* His running mate is a guy from Fort Worth named Never Heard of Him.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

WOMAN ATTACKED BY YAK ON EVEREST

A Welsh woman hiking to a base camp on Mount Everest was savagely gored by a yak while FaceTiming her family. Emma Keen, 42, was attacked in the village of Tengboche, Nepal. As she described it, “I was speaking to my brother and his wife showing them the yak on FaceTime. Without warning I could hear the hoofs pounding towards me, a sharp stabbing pain in the top of my leg. It threw me up in the air around and I landed back down with a thud.” The yak’s horn had gone through Emma’s leg, leaving a big hole in her leggings and blood running down her leg. She was airlifted to a hospital for stitches before rejoining the group to complete the last part of the trek on horseback.
* Mt. Everest is about the worst place for a Big Yak Attack.
* The yak was mad ’cause she was FaceTiming it when it was having a really bad hair day.
* Yak horn? A yak rack?
* “You guys go ahead and climb Mt. Everest while I go get stitches. I’ll catch up.”
* Oh, give it a rest, lady! All you do it yak, yak,yak.

UK TOWN TO ALLOW DOUBLE-DECKER BURIALS

A town outside of London has just passed a law allowing old graves to be reused. The town, named Bishop’s Stortford, is planning to “lift and deepen” graves in the town’s cemeteries. The only catch is, the grave has to be at least 75 years old. What will happen is, the remains in the existing grave will be dug up, the hole will be deepened, and the original remains will be reburied deeper, with the newer remains on top of that. The practice is becoming more and more popular in the country.
* Can you dig it? Yes, you can!
* Sort of an Oreo cookie of corpses.
* The idea came from the family of a dead man who drove a double-decker bus.
* One last chance to get those gold fillings from the original dead people.
* This adds new meaning to the old line, “Wow, she’s stacked!”

TRENDING

DIDDY HOMES RAIDED BY FBI

Sean “Diddy” Combs’ homes in Los Angeles and Miami were raided by Homeland Security agents on Monday investigating possible sex trafficking allegations. It was not known if Combs was home at the time. He has faced multiple sexual assault allegations in recent months:
– Two women accused the music mogul of sexual abuse in November last year.
– One week before that he settled a separate lawsuit with the singer Cassie that contained allegations of rape and physical abuse.
– Another woman in December 2023 accused Combs and two other men of gang raping her in 2003 when she was 17 years old.
– Last month, a male music producer filed a lawsuit claiming Combs sexually assaulted him and forced him to have sex with prostitutes.

REBEL WILSON CALLS OUT SACHA BARON COHEN

Actress Rebel Wilson has a book coming out soon called “Rebel Rising.” In the book she devotes a whole chapter to someone she calls a “massive a–hole.” She says that person is trying to get her to take the chapter out. On Monday, she revealed who that person is: comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, with whom she co-starred in his film “The Brothers Grimsby.” Wilson says, “He’s hired a crisis PR manager and lawyers. He is trying to stop press coming out about my book. But the book WILL come out, and you will all know the truth.” Cohen has responded: “While we appreciate the importance of speaking out, these demonstrably false claims are directly contradicted by extensive detailed evidence, including contemporaneous documents, film footage, and eyewitness accounts from those present before, during and after the production of ‘The Brothers Grimsby.’” It has been reported previously that the film’s team wanted “full-frontal nudity” for her character, despite the strict “no nudity” clause in her contract. She also has said that Cohen also pitched a sexual sight gag for the film. Wilson said that after she rejected his idea, Cohen tried asking again, allegedly saying, “Look, I’ll just pull down my pants, you just stick your finger up my butt, it’ll be a really funny bit.”

“YELLOWSTONE” ACTOR THROWED OFF PLANE

Actor Forrie J. Smith’s who plays the old gray-haired cowboy Lloyd Pierce on Yellowstone posted a video to social media Saturday saying he got kicked off a plane in Houston, Texas. Smith said, “Because I told them I didn’t feel comfortable sitting next to someone with a mask on.” But then he added what was probably the real reason: “Yeah, I’ve been drinking. I’ve been sitting in the airport for three hours. But I ain’t drunk. But they throwed me off the plane because I’m drunk.”

KEVIN HART RECEIVES MARK TWAIN PRIZE FOR HUMOR

Comedian and actor Kevin Hart accepted the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor at a gala at the Kennedy Center in Washington on Sunday. Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Jimmy Fallon, Regina Hall, Tiffany Haddish, Chelsea Handler and other celebrities turned out to pay tribute to Hart, the 25th comedian to accept the prestigious award. A highlights special from the event is set to stream on Netflix May 11.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 31, Sunday – Easter
April 1, Monday – April Fools Day
April 15, Monday – U.S. Tax Day
May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Keira Knightley (actress) … 39
Kenny Chesney (country singer) … 56
Leeza Gibbons (talk show host) … 67
Martin Short (comic actor) … 74
Steven Tyler (singer with Aerosmith) … 76
Diana Ross (singer) … 80

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“You can’t just sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream. You’ve got to get out there and make it happen for yourself.”

(A) Kim Kardashian
(B) Lindsay Lohan
(C) Diana Ross

ANSWER: (C) Diana Ross

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2000 – Vladimir Putin was elected Russia’s second democratically chosen president.
* His first executive order was to get Boris Yeltsin’s booze smell out of the Kremlin.

1999 – Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second-degree murder and delivery of a controlled substance for giving a lethal injection to an ailing man whose death was shown on ”60 Minutes.”
* The government doesn’t want private individuals getting into the lethal injection business – that’s THEIR job.

1910 – The US forbid immigration to criminals, anarchists, paupers and the sick.
* A policy they later changed to allow in British rock stars.

1804 – Congress ordered removal of Indians east of the Mississippi to Louisiana.
* Which lasted until Congress realized Louisiana was pretty nice, too.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2016 – Billy Joel’s iconic hit, ‘Piano Man’, was selected by the U.S. Library of Congress for preservation in the National Recording Registry for its “cultural, historic, or artistic significance.”

2008 – The Los Angeles Times apologized for claiming rap mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs was involved in a 1994 shooting of hip-hop star Tupac Shakur. The apology followed a claim that the newspaper was conned by a prisoner who provided doctored documents.

2006 – U2’s The Edge donated his favorite guitar – a 1975 Gibson Les Paul – to a charity he co-founded to replace instruments lost or destroyed when Hurricane Katrina hit the U.S.

2000 – Phil Collins won an Oscar for best original song at the Academy Awards in Los Angeles, earning his first golden statue for “You’ll Be In My Heart,” from the soundtrack to the Disney animated feature “Tarzan.”

1965 – Rolling Stones guitarist Bill Wyman was knocked unconscious on stage in Denmark by a 220 volt electric shock.

1964 – Barbra Streisand opened on Broadway in “Funny Girl.” She won a Best Actress Oscar for her role in the film version.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. Women have four times as many problems with THESE than men do. What are they?
Their feet

2. Eight out of ten times when THIS happens, it happens to a man, not a woman. What is it?
Getting hit by lightning

3. When asked what word best describes their dream vacation, women said, “Romantic”. What word did men say described their dream vacation?
Cheap

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