A.I. TRANSLATES CHICKEN

A team of researchers in Japan claims to have figured out a way to translate the clucking of chickens with the use of artificial intelligence. The team from the University of Tokyo came up with an A.I. system capable of interpreting various emotional states in chickens. By listening to many hours of many chickens clucking, the program is able, they say, to determine chicken hunger, fear, anger, contentment, excitement, and distress.
* It’s not so good on regret, humility, dismay or smugness.
* We’re finally putting this massive computing power to good use, finding out if chickens are hungry.
* Mostly, they’ve learned, the chickens are just standing around in the slaughter pen saying, “Well, crap.”
* Besides translating chicken, the A.I. also asks anybody who passes by to “Please delete me!”
* Cock-a-doodle dumb.