THURSDAY, Sept 14 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, September 14, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: PROMOS-TO-GO

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

EAT A HOAGIE DAY

NATIONAL CREAM FILLED DONUT DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“National Cream Filled Donut Day is a sugary, sweet day. Don’tcha just love special days like today? Sure, you were watching your weight. Then, along comes a special day that is just packed with calorie and carbs. And, that special day encourages you to eat one of your favorite treats … cream filled donuts. There is no shortage of food related ‘special days.’ We are certainly glad that someone chose to create a day just for cream filled donuts. It truly is a special treat. The most popular cream filled donuts are chocolate cream and vanilla cream. Whatever flavor is your favorite, just make sure the day does not go by without having one or more cream filled donuts.”

September is:

Baby Safety Month
Better Breakfast Month
Chicken Month
Classical Music Month
Hispanic Heritage Month
Honey Month
Little League Month
National Piano Month
Self Improvement Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

FALLON, COLBERT & KIMMEL TEAM UP FOR LIVE SHOW

Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel are teaming up for a live “Strike Force Five” show in Las Vegas later this month. The three late-night hosts, along with Seth Meyers and John Oliver, have been doing a podcast called “Strike Force Five” to raise money for each host’s striking writers and workers. This live show will be a one-time only event on Sept. 23 at the MGM, featuring the late-night hosts on stage together for the first time. John Oliver and Seth Meyers are not a part of the live show. Oliver said “I’m not allowed back in Vegas until I’m cleared of all charges,” while Meyers joked “I WILL be in Vegas but unable to attend as I gotta play my slots.” Tickets for the event will go on sale beginning this Friday, Sept. 15.
* Great – two more guys ready to complain about Jimmy Fallon and his toxic work environment.
* Just like their talk shows, the show will be about 27 minutes of material, and 33 minutes of commercials.
* At the beginning of the show, the theme music from all three shows will play at the same time. Annoying.
* I guess they thought “Strike Force Five Minus Two” sounded dumb.
* Maybe bring in Wayne Newton and Carrot Top?
* They should have a Harrison Ford-off, where each one interviews Harrison Ford and the one who gets him to say the most words wins.

“DANCING WITH THE STARS” CAST ANNOUNCED

Is anyone still watching “Dancing With the Stars”? ABC had moved the show over to their streaming channel, but now that there aren’t any scripted shows to run, they’re bringing it back to ABC. The new cast was announced, and some of these you’ve actually heard of:
– Alyson Hannigan (actress from “How I Met Your Mother,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “American Pie” and charming host of “Penn & Teller Fool Us”)
– Tyson Beckford (handsome, handsome model)
– Xochitl Gomez (actress, best known for “Dr. Strange”)
– Harry Jowsey (scoured the internet for this guy, still not sure what he does.)
– Charity Lawson (a Bachelorette)
– Mauricio Umansky (an agent. A Hollywood agent. Was once married to a Real Housewife. Not any more.)
– Matt Walsh (actor from “Veep” and a hundred other shows. You’ll say, “Oh – THAT guy.”)
– Jason Mraz (a singer, maybe. Just guessing here.)
– Adrian Peterson (former NFL running back)
– Lele Pons (Venezuelan YouTuber)
– Mira Sorvino (fine, fine actress)
– Jamie Lynn Spears (sister of you-know-who)
– Barry Williams (The Brady Bunch)
– Ariana Madix (reality show cast member, “Vanderpump Rules”)
* So that’s 3 ‘oh, thems’, 4 ‘I may have seen them befores’, 2 ‘that guys?’, 1 “he’s still alive?” and 4 ‘who nows?’
* They must have cast this before the actors strike.
* Barry Williams keeps putting himself out there, still hoping for a spinoff show. Sad.
* A Venezuelan YouTuber. They were thinking of asking our own Mr. Beast, but honestly, nobody wants to see him try to dance.

THE BUZZ

THREE DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.
Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “Check Out These Special Valve Stem Caps That A NASCAR Team Used To Cheat Tire Pressure Rules”
2. “The Greatest Fast-Food Napkins: A Scientific Ranking”
3. “Do Cocktail Glasses Have A Gender?”
And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “Watermelon Coffee: An Investigation”

U.S. NEWS

MANATEE SPOTTED IN RHODE ISLAND

A wayward manatee has been spotted in Rhode Island. Officials are monitoring the area of Quonochontaug Pond in Charleston after a manatee was spotted in the water. The pond connects to the Atlantic Ocean, but it is relatively uncommon for manatees to be found so far north. Manatees typically live around the coast of Florida, although during the summer they are known to expand their range and travel north, sometimes being spotted in Massachusetts, and sometimes seen as far west as Texas.
* Maybe it was some Rhode Islander’s service animal and they got tired of it and released it into the wild.
* Are they sure it’s not just a big Candy Bar, like the pool scene in “Caddyshack?”

CARJACKER CRASHES INTO POLICE STATION

On Monday in Manchester, New Hampshire, a 53-year-old carjacker lost control of his stolen van while fleeing from police and crashed into the Manchester Police Department parking lot. Barton Tibando was traveling at a high speed and running red lights when he hit another vehicle. The van went out of control, hitting four granite barriers in front of the Police Department. Tibando ran from the crashed vehicle into the police department’s parking lot where, confronted by officers, he was tased and taken into custody.
* Good move. Why waste everybody’s time?
* The tasing was for running the red lights. Coulda hurt somebody.
* Yeah, I would have driven in the OPPOSITE direction from the greatest concentration of police, but that’s just me.
* He also filled out his own paperwork and locked himself into the cell.

MOTHER/DAUGHTER SUFFER HERTZ RENTAL NIGHTMARE

A mother and daughter from Gurnee, Illinois, recently flew into an unnamed city to check out colleges for the daughter. Mom Becky Liebau and her daughter arrived at the Hertz rental counter only to be told the gas-powered car she had reserved had been rented out. The only car left was a Tesla. Liebau had never driven an electric car, but she had no other choice but to take the Tesla Model 3. The Tesla showed approximately 90 miles of range left, enough to get Liebau and her daughter to a charger. Hertz, however, did not provide them with an adapter to use on non-Tesla charging stations. The Tesla went dead as Liebau searched for a charging station, trapping the two inside the car. Liebau and her daughter had no idea how to override the dead electronic locking system, it was dark and their phones were running out of battery power. No roadside assistance came from Hertz. The two were eventually towed by a driver they found on their own, who taught them how to override the electric locks. They were taken to a hotel nearby, and then had to pay one of the hotel maintenance workers there for a ride across the state to their college appointment. When they arrived home, they found that Hertz had sent them some hefty bills and banned her from future rentals. Liebau took her story to a local news station, and once under the spotlight Hertz refunded all charges and reimbursed Liebau for the expenses.
* So … Hertz got schooled.
* I think the lesson here is, community college is the way to go.
* Or … Avis is the way to go.
* Ever think of sending your daughter to automotive school? There’s good money to be made.
* You think this was a horror story? Just wait until Teslas go full self-driving. It’s not going to be pretty.

REPORTER’S STUPID QUESTION

This actually happened at a press conference Wednesday about the apprehension of escaped fugitive Danelo Cavalcante, who had been on the loose in the Philadelphia area for a couple of weeks. A few hours after the arrest, Pennsylvania State Police Lt. Col. George Bivens held a press conference to explain how Cavalcante was taken into custody. One unidentified reporter asked about how Cavalcante managed to elude capture for two weeks. Being that Cavalcante is relatively short, the reporter asked, “Was there any concern he would team up with another small man to step inside of a trench coat, ′Little Rascals’-style?” the reporter asked. He’s referring to the old gag of having one person sitting on another’s shoulders and then wearing a trench coat to hide the bottom person. Lt. Col. Bivens snapped at the reporter with a quick “No!”
* Good to see Tucker Carlson still covering the big stories.
* Idiot. A trench coat – when it’s 90-plus degrees out.
* The next question was going to be, “Did he paint himself like red bricks and hide by leaning against Independence Hall?”
* In light of the quality of work by that police force, it was not an unreasonable question.
* A ‘Little Rascals’ reference in 2023? It’s nice to see respect for the classics.

NOMINEES FOR 2023 TOY HALL OF FAME

The National Toy Hall of Fame has announced 12 candidates for induction into the Hall this year.
– Ken, Barbie’s ‘special’ friend
– Baseball cards
– Battleship
– Bingo
– Bop It
– Cabbage Patch Kids
– Choose Your Own Adventure gamebooks
– Connect 4
– Little Tykes Cozy Coupe
– Nerf
– Slime
-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Three toys will be chosen for induction by a 22-person expert committee.
* The ‘expert’ committee is Mrs. Towsner’s kindergarten class.
* Why do I get the feeling Ken bought his way on to the list this year?
* Battleship is gonna have a tough time getting in – headwinds from the crappy movie.
* Bingo. Because all the hip kids play Bingo.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

HELP WANTED: CONDOM TESTERS

The Durex condom company – U.K. division – is offering £100 for people to test its latest product, the Durex Nude. The company says the condom is a “game-changer.” 50 lucky people will be chosen and sent instructions on how to review the condoms on the Durex website to receive their £100. Durex says they want “honest and open reviews about their sexual experiences” while using the product. The contest runs until September 21 and is for testers 18 and older in the U.K.
* Nice work if you can get it.
* They’ve already got their first tester lined up. (Who?) Your mom.
* They’ve also got their second tester lined up. (Who?) Your mom.
* Sure, they could have had their own employees test them, but it turns out they prefer Trojan.
* Their condoms are a “game-changer”? What, do you put them on your elbow?
* Like they say: Hard work never hurt anyone.

TRENDING

“REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER” RETURNING

Now that some daytime talk shows are returning to TV despite the continuing writer’s strike, another show is coming back: HBO’s political discussion show “Real Time With Bill Maher” is returning to the air, but without its writers. Maher tweeted on Wednesday, “Real Time is coming back, unfortunately, sans writers or writing. It has been five months, and it is time to bring people back to work. The writers have important issues that I sympathize with, and hope they are addressed to their satisfaction, but they are not the only people with issues, problems, and concerns.” Maher went on to say “much of the staff is struggling mightily” and that though he appreciates his writers, “I’m not prepared to lose an entire year and see so many below-the-line people suffer so much.”The show will return on Friday, Sept. 22 without a pre-written monologue, desk piece, “New Rules” segment or editorial segments.

CELEBRITIES AUCTIONING OFF “EXPERIENCES” TO RAISE MONEY FOR STRIKERS

Some celebrities are auctioning off “experiences” to raise money for striking actors and writers. Here are some of the one-of-a-kind fan experience people can bid on:
– Natasha Lyonne, star of “Poker Face” on Peacock, will work the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle with you for $1,225.
– You can take a pottery class with Busy Philipps for $2,550
– You can have Lena Dunham paint a mural in your home for $960 (* For $970, Lena Dunham WON’T paiont a mural in your home.)
– Adam Scott will walk your dog – not a euphemism – for $810.
– You can get some relationship advice from Rosemarie Dewitt and Ron Livingston for $500.
Other stars involved in the auction include Maggie Gyllenhaal, Barry Jenkins, John Lithgow, Ann Dowd, Tom Waits, as well as the casts of Bones, Bob’s Burgers, Manifest and White Collar.

MEXICAN VMA PERFORMER THREATENED BY CARTEL

Mexican recording artist Peso Pluma performed at the MTV Video Music Awards Tuesday night. Before the show, he was threatened in a major way by a Mexican drug cartel. A banner threatening the 24-year-old Mexican singer was posted on a bridge in the border town of Tijuana on Tuesday before the VMA’s. It read, “This goes to Peso Pluma, refrain from presenting yourself on October 14 because it will be your last show due to your disrespect and loose tongue, you show up and we are going to (break you).” (* Boy that’s SOME banner!) It was signed by the Jalisco New Generation Cartel. (* I guess they have the money to pay for a big banner like that.) Pluma, who did perform at the VMA’s on Tuesday night, has not commented on the threat, but several of his upcoming shows have been postponed or canceled.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

TOMORROW – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 9, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Monday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Tuesday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Emma Kenney (actress, “The Connors,” ″Shameless”) … 24
Andrew Lincoln (actor, “The Walking Dead”) … 50
Kimberly Williams-Paisley (actress, “According to Jim”) … 52
Sam Neill (actor, “Jurassic Park”) … 76
Walter Koenig (actor, Chekov on the original “Star Trek”) … 87

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I’m not going to pretend I’m some saint, because I’m not.”

(A) Bill Clinton
(B) Kevin Spacey
(C) Andrew Lincoln

ANSWER: (C) Andrew Lincoln

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1984 – Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon solo across the Atlantic Ocean.
* Some people will do anything to get out of the house.

1963 – Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America’s first surviving quintuplets.
* Almost as incredible – the parents survived, too.

1956 – The first prefrontal lobotomy was performed – in Washington, D.C.
* I’m guessing the subject went on to have a successful career in politics.

1939 – The first successful helicopter flight took place.
* After they removed the ejector seat out of the prototype.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2017 – Selena Gomez revealed she received a kidney transplant, because of lupus, donated by her friend Francia Rais.

2014 – A life-size bronze statue of singer Amy Winehouse was unveiled in Camden, north London. Her father, Mitch Winehouse, said she was “in love with Camden” and it was the place fans associated with her. Created by sculptor Scott Eaton, the statue features the singer with her hand on hip and her trademark beehive hairdo.

2013 – Kanye West was charged with battery and attempted theft over a fight with a photographer at Los Angeles Airport in July. Paparazzo Daniel Ramos sued West after the singer apparently punched him and threw his camera to the ground. If found guilty, West faced a maximum penalty of six months in prison. He settled with Ramos, and apologized.

2006 – Whitney Houston filed for divorce from singer Bobby Brown, after 14 years of marriage.

1990 – Michael Jackson received the “Good Scout Humanitarian Award” for his support of the Boy Scout Movement.

1985 – The MTV Awards were held for the first time.

1969 – Genesis (the band that would launch Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins) played their first gig for money in Surrey, England, at a cottage owned by a Sunday school teacher.

1814 – Francis Scott Key wrote the lyrics to the “Star-Spangled Banner.” The song became the official U.S. national anthem on March 3, 1931.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. A new survey found that when couples move in together, women throw away an average of $340 worth of the guy’s stuff – and THIS is the most common thing they throw away. What is it?
His magazine collection

2. A study reveals that you are less likely to argue with your spouse if you do THIS when you get home. What is it?
Dim the lights

3. 37% of married couples in America don’t share THIS. What is it?
Religious beliefs

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