WEDNESDAY, Apr 26 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, April 26, 2023
(Print button is at bottom of post. To print with larger type, cut and paste content into a document, and print that document.)

COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Buy Tires, Get Car Free; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

AUDUBON DAY
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“Set aside to honor the birth of John James Aududon (April 26, 1785 – January 27, 1851). Audubon was a French-American ornithologist, naturalist, and painter, noted for his extensive studies of American birds and his detailed illustrations of the birds in their natural habitats. Audubon’s greatest work was ‘The Birds of America’ which is considered one of the finest ornithological works ever completed. His work in this book contains more than 700 North American bird species with 435 hand-colored, life-size prints of 497 bird species.”

ASPCA HELP A HORSE DAY
The ASPCA website says this:
“Help a Horse Day is a national celebration and contest to raise awareness of the plight of horses. Equine rescues and sanctuaries are encouraged to host an event highlighting the work they do and showing community members how they can help.”

NATIONAL KIDS AND PETS DAY

NATIONAL PRETZEL DAY

REMEMBER YOUR FIRST KISS DAY

RICHTER SCALE DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“If there’s ever a day to hold onto hats, double-test foundations and keep an ear out for rumblings deep within the Earth, it’s Richter Scale Day. This occasion is an acknowledgement and celebration of the birthday of the man who taught the world how to measure earthquakes – Charles F. Richter. Born in 1900, the American earthquake obsessive (technically known as a ‘seismologist’), came up with the Richter Scale in 1935, while at the California Institute of Technology. Since then, the world has been able to compare various earthquakes and investigate their relative power for destruction. The 20th century’s biggest happened in Chile on 22 May 1960, measuring a magnitude of 9.5. Some people celebrate by getting together with a bunch of friends to watch their favorite disaster films. 1974’s Earthquake, 1999’s Aftershock: Earthquake in New York and 2003’s The Core are all popular choices.”

WORLD INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY DAY

April is:

Car Care Month
Celebrate Diversity Month
D.E.A.R Drop Everything and Read Month
International Guitar Month
Jazz Appreciation Month
Keep America Beautiful Month
National Card and Letter Writing Month
National Garden Month
National Greyhound Adoption Month
National Humor Month
National Poetry Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

TUCKER CARLSON AND DON LEMON HIRED THE SAME LAWYER

Ousted Fox News host Tucker Carlson and CNN anchor Don Lemon reportedly have hired the same lawyer to navigate their departures. Multiple outlets say Los Angeles attorney Bryan Freedman is representing both. Freedman has facilitated favorable breakup terms for hosts before, including Megyn Kelly when she parted ways from NBC News in 2019 and “The Bachelor” host Chris Harrison in 2021.
* The guy must offer a group discount.
* Apparently, the lawyer is an expert at removing the doorknobs that hit his clients’ asses on the way out.
* Does he show up at depositions in a HazMat suit?
* Both of these bozos are walking away with at least $10 million. Do they really need more?
* And you thought Johnny Depp and Amber Heard was a messy breakup.

THE BUZZ

WORST DESIGN FEATURES ON TODAY’S CARS

The Jalopnik website asked readers “What current automotive design trends are the worst?” Here are their answers:
– The lack of good exterior paint colors.
– Video touchscreens everywhere.
– Complicated gearshift levers.
– All SUVs look the same.
– The ugly futuristic design of all electric vehicles just so everybody knows you’re driving an electric vehicle.
– Huge wheels.
– Every single thing on modern trucks: Squared off wheel wells, boxy designs, huge size, stupid macho grills, fake chrome, faux “masculinity language” interiors, absurd prices, tiny beds, lousy sightlines.
* So they’ve pissed off the every buyer of the most popular vehicle in America. Good work, auto industry!
* And there’s no place to put your purse! [Says Morning Sidekick’s wife!]
* “The lack of good exterior paint colors”? It’s called spray paint, people. Right there in the Walmart paint aisle.
* Wait – everybody’s happy with the cupholders? That can’t be right!

U.S. NEWS

AUDIO: GOLFER LOSES BALL ON GOLF COURSE

A 16-year-old Utah boy had a freak medical occurrence happen on the golf course. One of his testicles retracted inside him while he bent over to pick a golf ball. The case study detailing the teen’s scrotal mishap was published recently in the journal “Urology Case Reports.” The young man had felt an “acute” pain in his groin while leaning over to retrieve a golf ball from the green. When he inspected his nether regions, he was horrified to discover that his left testicle was not in its usual spot. At the hospital, a CT scan revealed that the testicle had retreated up in the canal running from his scrotum, nearly into his abdomen, in a condition known as “testicular ascent.” Normally, after the testes descend, the genital incubation chamber seals up. But occasionally this pocket doesn’t close, forming a highway between this region and the scrotum. Surgeons were able to guide the orb back into the scrotum and seal up the vaginalis. They then anchored the teste in place with a suture to prevent any future games of hide-and-seek.
* Thanks for the medical jargon.
* At first, his golfing buddies told him to “suck it up.”
* Now, when he’s out golfing and someone yells, “Fore!” the kid says, “I’m lucky to have two!”
* Maybe they can recommend this procedure to all those politicians who seem to have lost their cojones.
* Stuff you never see during the Masters.
* I wouldn’t want to be the guy who scans through “Urology Case Reports” looking for interesting stories.
CLIP: What did the doctor say when they looked up there to see where it went?
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/Seinfeld-Titleist(dot)mp3

HIGH SCHOOLER GETS 125 ACCEPTANCE LETTERS

A New Orleans high school senior has broken a record by receiving more than $9 million in scholarship offers and acceptance letters from 125 colleges and universities. Dennis Barnes, a senior at International High School of New Orleans, said he applied to about 200 colleges and universities and received acceptance letters from 125 schools, plus offers of more than $9 million in scholarships. Dennis has a cumulative grade point average of 4.98 and says he plans to pursue a dual undergraduate degree in computer science and criminal justice. He will announce his college decision May 2.
* Colleges really want that sweet, sweet scholarship money, don’t they.
* His GPA’s only 4.98? Where’s the dedication?
* See what happens, kids, when you take that AP English course?
* He’s going to need that $9 million to cover all those college application fees.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

INDIAN MAN KILLED IN FREAK TRAIN/COW/URINATION ACCIDENT

An Indian man was killed in a freak accident when he was struck by a flying cow launched into the air when it was hit by a train. Mr. Shivdayal Sharma, 82, was reportedly urinating next to a train track last Wednesday in Alwar, India, when the cow on the tracks was hit by an express train. The carcass flew 100 feet before landing on Mr. Sharma. Another man witnessed the event. Mr. Sharma had worked as an electrician at Indian Railways, before retiring 23 years ago.
* And in all those years with the railroad, he never learned: You don’t do ANYTHING “next to the tracks.”
* Mr. Sharma wasn’t the only thing whizzing through the air that day.
* When you relieve yourself near a train track in India, the steaks can be high.
* This sounds like the worst “Final Destination” movie ever.
* This story has been a PSA for men: Get that prostate checked! If Mr. Sharma’s had been working properly, he wouldn’t have taken so long and could have dodged the cow.

BAKED BEANS IN THE MAILBOX

In Sydney, Australia, a woman named Margaret Khursigara found a puddle of baked beans in her mailbox on Saturday morning. Confused, she went on social media to get answers. Instead she discovered a sinister trend: A neighbor told Ms. Khursigara of a similar bean-dumping trend in 2021, when kidney beans would be left on doorsteps of homes in the United Kingdom by would-be burglars. The beans were used as an indicator of which house was unoccupied. After pouring beans in an obvious enough place – a doorstep, or mailbox, for instance – they would come back and check. If the beans were still there, it was a sign nobody was home, meaning it was safe to break in. The Khursigara home was the only one known to have been targeted in the bean incident. But it was enough to cause her to tighten security around her home.
* And maybe stock in a supply of weenies.
* Just a puddle of loose baked beans in her mailbox? Uncanny!
* I don’t know. This crime theory seems full of… full of… what’s the word I’m looking for?
* Beans in the mailbox. These TikTok challenges get dumber and dumber.
* Then the killer Australian ants attacked.

TRENDING

CARLY PEARCE TO SING AT KENTUCKY DERBY

Country star Carly Pearce, a Bluegrass State native, will be singing the National Anthem at the Kentucky Derby. She teased her performance on social media with a video unboxing of her hat – a red wide-brimmed hat with black trim, and the top features an ensemble of flowers and feathers. She tells People magazine, “This will be the first time that I’ve actually gotten to go.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 14, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 29, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Wednesday – Flag Day
June 18, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 21, Wednesday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 10:58 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Emily Wickersham (actress, “NCIS”) … 39
Channing Tatum (actor) … 43
Pablo Schreiber (actor, “American Gods,” “Orange is the New Black”) … 45
Jay DeMarcus (bassist w Rascal Flatts) … 52
Jeff Huskins (keyboardist with Little Texas) … 57
Kevin James (actor-comedian) … 58
Jet Li (actor) … 60
Roger Taylor (drummer with Duran Duran) … 63
Giancarlo Esposito (Gus Fring on “Better Call Saul,” ″Breaking Bad”) … 65
Carol Burnett (comedienne and comic actress, “Better Call Saul”) … 90

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I don’t know if I’m very complicated at all. I wish I was. I wish I was one of these deep, intricate people. But I just love having fun really.”

(A) Joe Biden
(B) Elon Musk
(C) Channing Tatum

ANSWER: (C) Channing Tatum

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2002 – Vermont Gov. Howard Dean signed the nation’s first bill allowing same-sex couples to form civil unions.
* No matter what your sexual orientation, you should be allowed to be as miserable as the rest of us.

1986 – The Chernobyl nuclear reactor meltdown occurred.
* The wreckage spewed radioactive gas around the world – the largest export the Soviet Union ever made.

1941 – A tradition began in Chicago as an organ debuted at a baseball game.
* An organ would debut at a rock concert some 25 years later in Miami, courtesy of Jim Morrison.

1930 – The twin Popsicle was invented.
* Ah, twice the flavor, twice the fun … twice the cavities …

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2008 – Amy Winehouse spent the night in custody after being arrested on suspicion of assault. Police said Winehouse had been “in no fit state” to be questioned when she arrived at the London station and she was kept in a cell. The 24-year-old was to be questioned about an incident said to have occurred 3 days earlier after a 38-year-old man claimed he was assaulted. Winehouse admitted to police that she slapped the man’s face with her hand.

1999 – Sinead O’Connor was ordained as the first female priest in the Latin Tridentine Church.

1993 – Singers Bobby Brown and Queline Young were fined $850 for public lewdness, after simulating sex during a concert.

1990 – Danny Wood, one of the New Kids On The Block, needed hospital treatment after tripping over a stuffed toy on stage.

1982 – British singer Rod Stewart was held up by a gunman on Sunset Boulevard, who robbed him of his Porsche.

1975 – B.J. Thomas had the longest title of a number one song at the top of the “Billboard” popular music chart. The song was “(Hey Won’t You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song.”

1977 – New York’s famed disco Studio 54 opened.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. If you’re average, you’ll eat about 40,000 of THESE during your life. What are they?
Cookies

2. The continually increasing consumption of THIS is being called the #1 food trend of the past ten years. What is it?
Yogurt

3. The first meal eaten in THIS place was turkey. What place is it?
The Moon

(c) 2023
MORNING SIDEKICK RADIO SHOW PREP & COMEDY
8062 West Massey Circle
Littleton, CO 80128
USA
morningsidekick(at)gmail(dot)(com)
Tel: 303-727-9111