WEDNESDAY, Mar 22 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, March 22, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Cash Back; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

AS YOUNG AS YOU FEEL DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“As Young As You Feel Day is a day for losing your inhibitions! If you are in good health, but feel restricted by how you are expected to behave, then As Young As You Feel Day is the time to rebel! We only live this life once and As Young As You Feel Day is a good reminder to us that age is a number, and shouldn’t be used to stop us enjoying ourselves.”

COQ AU VIN DAY (Rooster with Wine)

INTERNATIONAL DAY OF THE SEAL

NATIONAL BAVARIAN CREPES DAY

NATIONAL GOOF OFF DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“A chance to step back from the rigors and pressures of every-day life, Goof Off Day encourages you to take some time to be silly, waste an hour or two, and to do something a bit different!”

NATIONAL WATER DAY / WORLD WATER DAY

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

MADONNA’S RULES OF PARENTING

Madonna posted a picture on her Instagram Stories on Sunday. She’s standing with her six children and holding a sign that says “House Rules.” These are Madonna’s five House Rules for her children:
1. Smile
2. Be Happy
3. Listen to Others
4. Speak Kindness
5. Be Happy With What You Have
– Number 6: Never go upstairs empty-handed. Wow, she’s just like my mom.
* “Be happy with what you have.” Which, in Madonna’s case, is everything.
* Concern like this is why celebrity children always turn out so great.
* There’s another sign, of course, with more of Madonna’s House Rules:
– Never make eye contact with Mom.
– Requests to go outside and play must be made two weeks in advance.
– No green M&M’s allowed in the candy bowl.
– Dress appropriately, and remember – no one’s looking at you, they’re looking at Mom.
– No talking to the press or you’re fired from the family.
– Offer to play video games with my new boyfriends once in awhile.
– Don’t mention the face fillers.
– Everyone signs a non-disclosure agreement upon their fifth birthday.

RINGLING BROS. CIRCUS READY TO RETURN

The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus is ready to return. The big top shut down in 2017 due to declining ticket sales and questions about the ethical treatment of animals. The company says they have reimagined the circus as a high-octane family event with highwire tricks, soaring trapeze artists and bicycles leaping on trampolines. The 75 performers from 18 countries will include performers on a triangular highwire 25 feet off the ground, crisscrossing flying trapeze artists, a spinning double wheel powered by acrobats and BMX trail bikes, unicycle riders and skateboarders doing flips and tricks. The new and improved “Greatest Show on Earth,” kicks off a North American tour this fall.
* These all sound like the kids you see at skate parks and busking in the entertainment district downtown.
* Maybe they could put some stuffed animals in a wagon and pull it around the ring?
* Animal puppets?
* Could they at least put up some posters of animals?
* A spinning double wheel powered by acrobats? You can’t fool me – that’s the old Wheel of Death act.
* Notice they say nothing about clowns.

TOM HANKS TO GIVE HARVARD COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS

Tom Hanks will deliver this year’s commencement speech at Harvard University. Harvard president Larry Bacow said in a statement. “Over five decades, he has entertained, enlightened, and befriended us. He has made us laugh, cry, question, and think. In addition to his brilliance as an actor, Tom has demonstrated both an innate empathy and a deep understanding of the human condition. He has contributed to our national culture and expanded our ability to appreciate stories and histories that have been previously unexamined (* Someone explain to this guy that Tom doesn’t actually write the scripts for his movies). I very much look forward to his address in May.”
* “And getting a free typewriter,” he added.
* So, Pedro Pascal said no, huh?
* As long as he doesn’t give the address in his awful Colonel Tom Parker voice.
* Tom Hanks once made a movie about Harvard: “The Money Pit.”
* In “Larry Crowne” Tom goes to community college, and now he’s speaking at Harvard. The American dream, kids.

THE BUZZ

FOOD CRIMES

AskReddit wanted to know: What food crimes have you committed? Some of the responses:
– “I have eaten Burger King and Taco Bell while vacationing in New Orleans.”
– “I like to crumble potato chips into ice cream.”
– “I personally like cheez-its on mint chocolate chip ice cream.”
– “Melted gummy bears on a plain cheeseburger.”
– “Applesauce on pizza.”
– “Krispy Kreme donut + ranch dressing.”
– “I put Oreo’s with Honey Mustard.”
– “Baked beans and lasagna.”
– “Ketchup with Chinese food (Sweet and sour chicken.)”
* So, apparently a lot of people are pregnant.
* Or they live in a state where marijuana’s legal.
* How bad do you have to have the munchies before you put mustard on a Oreo?
* Some of these would be tolerable if you at least added bacon.
* PHONE TOPIC: What are your food crimes?

U.S. NEWS

NEW CONTEST! WHEEL OF FLORIDA MAN!

We’ve got something new – A Florida Man contest. We call it “Wheel of Florida Man.” As new Florida Man stories pop up in the news, you give the headline, and ask listeners to guess the missing word.
Here’s a new ‘Wheel of Florida Man’ intro:
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/WheelOfFloridaMan-Intro(dot)mp3
Here’s the headline: “FLORIDA MAN SLAPS WOMAN IN THE FACE WITH _______.”
The answer: A slice of pizza.
The story: In Summerfield, Florida,a man was arrested after allegedly slapping a woman’s face with a slice of pizza during an argument. Police received a 911 hangup call on Friday, but went to check it out. At the home Ortelio Alfronso, 39, deputies found a woman who claimed Mr. Alfronso had been angered when she disciplined a child, and during a subsequent argument Alfonso allegedly slapped her in the face with a slice of pizza. The deputy noted the woman had pizza sauce on her shirt and collar as well as in her hair and on her ear. There was also pizza sauce on the walls and ceiling of the kitchen.
* How much sauce was on that pizza? They hardly put any on the place I go.
* Somebody had too much Crazy Bread.
* I hope they checked her ear for errant anchovies.
* He misunderstood and thought she said “Do you wanna pizza me?”
* Good thing it wasn’t deep dish, he’d be facing a felony charge.

CHILDREN STOP KIDNAPPING AT BUS STOP

On Monday morning, a group of students stopped a man from kidnapping a child standing at a school bus stop in Gaithersburg, Maryland. The suspect, 30-year-old Jamaal Germany, allegedly grabbed the child standing at the bus stop and pulled them toward an apartment building. Several students who were also standing at the bus stop intervened and the victim was able to break free. When the school bus arrived, all the students were able to board and reported the incident to school staff at Redland Middle School. Germany was arrested for attempted kidnapping. A neighbor who is the parent of a high school student said the suspect “was at the bus stop last week doing the same thing.”
* Thanks for telling someone, parent of a high school student.
* Not the first time Germany has overstepped its bounds.
* Now HE’S gonna get schooled.
* Children, if you’re listening, you know that you’re all on your own now, right? In school, out of school, and now at the bus stop – adults have tried, but we failed. It’s all up to you now. Good luck, we’re all counting on you.

LOST BIRD WHO LIKES BILLY JOEL FOUND

Last month Christine Iturrino was loading groceries into her Myrtle Beach, South Carolina home when Joel, her pet cockatiel, flew out of the door. She didn’t keep him in a cage – he had free rein in the house. In a Facebook post about the missing bird, she wrote that he particularly liked “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel. Nine days later, Iturrino received a text while at work reading: “I work at the beach — I think we found your bird.” Gavin Scire, an employee of Sky Wheel Myrtle Beach, a 200-foot Ferris wheel, was about 100 feet up doing an inspection when he heard chirping and saw the bird. The bird made its way over to Gavin, who nabbed it and put it in his hoodie. His co-workers had seen fliers for the missing cockatiel, and read that he liked “Uptown Girl,” so they played the song and the cockatiel started bobbin his head in time with the music. That’s when everyone knew this was definitely Christine’s bird.
* Proving what many people have said: Billy Joel’s music is for the— oh, you knew I was going to say it.
* Hopefully during the break she had a chance to clean off the furniture.
* It’s not often you actually WANT someone to give you the bird.
* Honestly, this story is unbelievable. No way they actually inspect those giant carnival rides.

TRENDINGGWYNETH PALTROW IN COURT OVER SKI CRASH

Gwyneth Paltrow is in court, being sued by a retired optometrist over a ski collision back in 2016. Paltrow and Terry Sanderson, the man suing her, sat across from each other in a Park City, Utah courtroom as their attorneys gave opening arguments Tuesday. Sanderson claims that Paltrow was recklessly cruising down the slopes at Deer Valley, one of the country’s most upscale ski resorts, colliding with him and then leaving him on the ground as she and her entourage continued on. Sanderson is suing Paltrow for $300,000 — claiming that the accident left him with physical injuries and emotional distress. Paltrow says Sanderson is simply trying to exploit her celebrity and wealth. Ski etiquette says that the uphill skier must look out for the downhill skier. Both parties claim that they were the one farther downhill when the other rammed into them, causing their skis to intertwine and the two to tumble. The trial is scheduled to last eight days.

GRAMMY SALUTE TO THE BEACH BOYS

A music special, A Grammy Salute to The Beach Boys, is set to air April 9 on CBS. The 2-hour program will celebrate the career of the band. Living Beach Boys members Brian Wilson, Mike Love, Al Jardine, David Marks and Bruce Johnston are to appear on the show, which will also feature performances of the iconic band’s hits by the likes of Beck, Brandi Carlile, John Legend, Weezer, Fall Out Boy, Hanson, Norah Jones and Mumford & Sons.

TRAIN NAMED AFTER SHANIA TWAIN

The Swiss have named a new high-tech train after country singer Shania Twain. The new Golden Pass Express train, which runs from Montreux on Lake Geneva to Interlaken in central Switzerland, has been named “Shania Train.” Twain has lived by Lake Geneva for 10 years. Twain spoke of her “honor” on Twitter after she attended the inauguration ceremony in December, tweeting: “All aboard the Shania Train to Twain Town.” (* Thought about that one a long time, did you?)

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

April 1, Saturday – April Fools Day
April 9, Sunday – Easter
April 18, Tuesday – U.S. Tax Day
May 14, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 29, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Constance Wu (actress, “Fresh Off The Boat,” “Crazy Rich Asians”) … 41
Reese Witherspoon (actress) … 47
Matthew Modine (actor, evil scientist in “Stranger Things”) … 64
James House (country singer) … 68
Bob Costas (sports journalist) … 71
Wolf Blitzer (broadcast journalist) … 75
Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber (composer of musicals) … 75
William Shatner (actor, “Boston Legal,” “T.J. Hooker,” “Star Trek”) … 92

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Love is what makes the world go around.”

(A) Vladimir Putin
(B) Kim Jong-un
(C) William Shatner

ANSWER: (C) William Shatner

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2018 – New research found that the “Great Pacific Garbage Patch” between Hawaii and California has 1.8 trillion pieces of plastic and was increasing rapidly.
* Okay, everybody meet there Thursday morning with large plastic trash bags.

1999 – Acting as his own lawyer, Dr. Jack Kevorkian went on trial for murder, telling a jury in Pontiac, Mich., he was carrying out his professional duty in a videotaped assisted death shown on “60 Minutes.”
* Then the jury carried out their professional duty and put him away.

1994 – The Dutch Ambassador to the U.S. christened a new tulip the “Hillary Clinton.”
* We need to find a new hound dog to name after Bill.

1960 – The first patent for a laser was filed.
* Just in time for Goldfinger to point one at James Bond’s crotch a few years later.

1903 – Niagara Falls ran out of water because of a drought.
* So for a brief time it was actually MORE dangerous to go over in a barrel.

1882 – Congress outlawed polygamy.
* But as so many congressmen have shown, they have no problem with a little on the side.

1841 – Cornstarch was patented by Orlando Jones.
* Thanks to Orlando, never again would people suffer from embarrassing limp corn.

1733 – Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water or “seltzer.”
* A important advance for bartenders, soft drink lovers and clowns.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2004 – Ozzy Osbourne was voted England’s favorite ambassador to welcome aliens to planet Earth. The 55-year-old singer topped a Yahoo poll as the face people wanted to represent them to alien life.

1997 – Puff Daddy featuring Mase started a six-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down,” his first U.S. No.1.

1992 – Polygram Records officially announced that Tears For Fears had split up. Roland Orzabal continued using the name Tears For Fears. They re-formed in 2004.

1986 – Heart went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “These Dreams.”

1980 – Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick In The Wall” started a four-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart.

1978 – The Police signed with A&M Records.

1975 – Frankie Valli went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “My Eyes Adored You.”

1975 – Led Zeppelin started a six-week run at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with “Physical Graffiti,” the group’s fourth U.S. No.1.

1971 – Police arrested all the members of The Allman Brothers Band for heroin and marijuana possession.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. In a recent survey, 46% of men admitted they experience this personal problem on a daily basis. What is it?
A wedgie

2. In a recent survey, 49% of single men admitted they only do THIS 4 times a year. What is it?
Wash their sheets

3. Almost half of the men in a recent survey admitted they almost never do THIS. What is it?
Wash their hands after using the bathroom

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