WEDNESDAY, Mar 8 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, March 8, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Nobody Comes Close; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

NATIONAL BE NASTY DAY

NATIONAL PEANUT CLUSTER DAY

NATIONAL PROOFREADING DAY

U.N. DAY FOR WOMEN’S RIGHTS & INTERNATIONAL PEACE

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

THE BUZZ

SMELL LIKE ST. PATRICK’S DAY

A company called Demeter Fragrances has come out with some cologne scents for St. Patrick’s Day. Now you can smell like St. Patrick’s Day before St. Patrick’s Day, b’jaysus. The three scents are Ireland, Irish Cream, and Clover. One reviewer says the Ireland and Clover scents are similar to Irish Spring soap. The Irish Cream fragrance will “make you smell like you’ve had one too many Guinnesses.”
* So you’ll smell the same as any other St. Patrick’s Day, then.
* Sounds like they could re-label this stuff for New Year’s Eve if they wanted.
* Thanks for the tip about two of them smelling like Irish Spring – you just saved me a couple bucks.
* They’re missing the real smells of Ireland:
– Corned Beef Burps
– Irish Wolfhound After A Rainstorm
– Stale Lucky Charms
– Pub Restroom On March 18th
– Step Dancer Socks
– Leprechaun Beard

U.S. NEWS

WEDDING VENUE OWNER PULLS GUN OVER COUPLE’S MUSIC

Last Thursday night, the owner of a wedding reception venue in Florida pulled a gun on a pair of newlyweds over a dispute over the music. The owner of Cielo Farms in Southwest Ranches, near Miami, waved the gun at everyone at the party, telling telling them all to get out, and ordered the DJ to turn down the music, which he did. The mayhem erupted during the last song of the night. The owner was apparently concerned about noise complaints. The order to shut it down came at 10:50 p.m., although the venue had been rented until 11:30 p.m. The man with the gun has been identified as Miguel Albisu, 58, who was charged with nine counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
* Oh, I’d say he was way past aggravated.
* In fairness, there’s only so many times you can listen to The Chicken Dance.
* Charges of aggravated assault, or just flipping the circuit breaker to turn off power to the sound system. Life is all about choices.
* So the honeymoon got started a little early. So who’s complaining?
* But the wedding cake! Dear god, what happened to the wedding cake???

WOMAN ATTEMPTS TO BURN NEGATIVE ENERGY, FAILS

A woman admitted to investigators that she started a fire that burned six families out of their apartments in Sandy, Utah. As the fire was being investigated, 37-year-old Crystal Moss approached police and claimed she started it, using a Bic lighter to ignite a tree of life, which was placed inside a cauldron near her bedroom closet. But the tree of life wasn’t burning fast enough, so she poured a bottle of alcohol on it to speed up the process (* Why am I not surprised there was alcohol on hand?). Her intent was to burn away the negative energy, sadness and pain in her life. According to Crystal, she wanted to “burn the universe, but didn’t want to hurt anyone.”
* Oh, like every superhero movie.
* At least she was able to transfer the negative energy, sadness and pain to six other families, so that should help.
* The tree of life? More like the tree of an extended prison sentence.
* Remember, kids: The cauldron near the bedroom closet is for dirty clothes. The cauldron on the balcony is the one for burning negative energy.

WOMAN DRIVES INTO POPEYES OVER MISSING BISCUITS

In Augusta, Georgia, a woman has been arrested after she intentionally drove her SUV into a Popeyes after not getting any biscuits with her order. The manager told police that the customer, later identified as 50-year-old Belinda Miller, “became upset that her order did not have any biscuits” and allegedly drove her Toyota RAV4 into one of the entrances of the restaurant before driving off. However, before the crash, the manager said she had “corrected the mistake and gave Miller her biscuit,” but Miller was “still not happy.” Police said they went to Miller’s home, where they found the SUV with front end damage. She was charged with aggravated assault and criminal damage to property.
* You know, it’s called Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits for a reason.
* Some people are really committed to getting their daily fiber.
* So she tried to destroy the one place in town where she could get the biscuits she so loved. It’s a Shakespearean tragedy.
* What’s the deal with Popeyes biscuits? Are they dipped in Olive Oyl?
* You’re not yourself when you’re hangry.

STRIPPER CHARGED WITH THROWING WAD OF MONEY AT MAN’S HEAD

A disgruntled Florida stripper was arrested last month after she allegedly threw a large wad of rolled-up money at a man’s head. The man was Tierah Miller’s co-worker, whom she had previously dated for six months. Both work at the Baby Dolls strip club in Clearwater. The cash attack happened Feb. 26 — a week after the couple had called it quits. When the man was walking across the stage to speak to another co-worker, Miller allegedly hurled a “large” wad of cash at him, striking him in the back of the head. She was slapped with a misdemeanor domestic battery charge and ordered to avoid contact with her ex-boyfriend, even though they both continue to work at the club.
* Cha-ching ka-bong.
* A stripper throws money at a man. What is this, Backwards Day?
* He got bread in the head. A boodle in the noodle. If he’d turned around, he would have gotten the loot in the snoot.
* He’s just lucky strippers don’t get tipped in coins.
* I think they broke up ’cause he was always a big baby about everything.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

FRENCH PHOTOGRAPHER DOCUMENTS U.S. STRIP CLUBS IN NEW BOOK

French photographer François Prost was looking for something different to photograph during his recent road trip across America. He settled on U.S. strip clubs. (* So he wanted to put out a book that would sell a lot of copies.) Prost’s latest book “Gentlemen’s Club” features nearly 150 strip clubs from from Miami to Los Angeles, with names like Pleasures, Temptations and Cookies N’ Cream. There are no naked women – the book is nothing but photos of the exterior of the buildings. (* So – he DIDN’T want to put out a book that would sell a lot of copies.) Prost insists that he had no interest in the interiors or services of the strip clubs, which he always visited during the day. Instead, he wanted to document changing attitudes toward sex through the lens of architecture. Prost says his book is “an objective panorama of dominant opinions and gender and the sexualization of the feminine image.” Prost said his biggest surprise, however, was how “normalized” strip clubs appeared to be in everyday life. He says, “You go as a couple, or amongst friends at night to have fun.” Also, he was struck by the sheer volume of strip clubs in America.
* Someone tell him about our gun shops.
* Somehow, I don’t think this book is going to make it rain for the publisher.
* It’s like going to the art museum just to look at the frames.
* I was hoping for a book documenting the laundromats across America, but whatever.
* His next project is to visit the most beautiful architecture in the world and photograph the front doorknobs.

TRENDING

HUGH JACKMAN’S “WOLVERINE” DIET

Actor Hugh Jackman has posted on Instagram what he’s eating to get into shape for his appearance as “Wolverine” in the upcoming “Deadpool 3” movie. One day’s meals include black bass with rice (2000 calories), two chicken burgers with sweet potatoes (1000 calories each), Patagonia chinook salmon (2100 calories) and two meals of grass-fed sirloin with noodles (1100 calories).

THE WAR & TREATY: KNOCKED OUT ON STAGE

Up-and-coming country act The War & Treaty – comprised of husband and wife Michael and Tanya Trotter – played Ryman Auditorium in Nashville last week as part of the Rock The Ryman concert. The War & Treaty were there to honor Joan Jett and Ray Charles. As Michael Trotter was belting out “I Hate Myself For Loving You,” he fell backwards and hit his head on the piano, blacking out for nearly a minute. He woke up surrounded by crew members and a doctor from the audience. He recovered from the concussion, but at the hospital learned that he had broken his leg.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 12, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Friday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 20, Sunday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 5:24 p.m. EDT
March 21, Monday – First full day of Spring
April 1, Saturday – April Fools Day
April 9, Sunday – Easter
April 18, Tuesday – U.S. Tax Day
May 14, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 29, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Nick Zano (actor, “Legends of Tomorrow”) … 45
James Van Der Beek (actor, “CSI: Cyber”, “Dawson’s Creek) … 46
Freddie Prinze, Jr. (actor) … 47
Andrea Parker (actress, “Pretty Little Liars”) … 53
Camryn Mannheim (actress, “Person of Interest”, “The Practice”) … 62
Lester Holt (NBC News anchor) … 64
Gary Numan (musician/singer, “Cars”) … 65
Randy Meisner (musician, founding member of The Eagles) … 77
Mickey Dolenz (singer and drummer with The Monkees) … 78

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“On more than one occasion, the camera has cut to me after a break as I’m still trying to swallow the last bite of cookie.”

(A) Rachael Ray
(B) Guy Fieri
(C) Lester Holt

ANSWER: (C) Lester Holt

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2008 – President George W. Bush vetoed a bill that would have banned the CIA from waterboarding.
* He didn’t want to veto it, but Dick Cheney kept waterboarding him.

2001 – The Republican-controlled House voted for President George W. Bush’s across-the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade.
* This is why we all have so much more money now.

1994 – The U.S. Defense Department announced a smoking ban in workplaces.
* I wonder what became of all the $20,000 Defense Department ashtrays?

1927 – Archaeologists in Iran discovered a 5,000 year-old manicure kit.
* Nowadays an Iranian manicure is when they chop your hands off for stealing.

1917 – The Russian (Communist) Revolution began.
* The evil, hated Czar was overthrown and Communist leader Lenin made sure that every Russian family was given something they’d treasure forever. Their own potato.

1913 – The United States government started to levy and collect income tax.
* And the following day, a stand-up comic told the very first IRS joke.

1887 – The telescopic fishing rod, made of steel tubes inside one another, was patented by Everett Horton.
* Later popularized by Ron Popeil.

1790 – George Washington delivered the first State of the Union address.
* And without a teleprompter.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2016 – English record producer, arranger, composer, conductor, audio engineer and musician, Sir George Martin died aged 90. He worked as EMI records in-house record producer and became known as the so-called fifth Beatle. Martin produced all but one of The Beatles albums giving him 30 No.1 hit singles in the UK and 23 No.1 hits in the US. He also produced many other acts including: Jeff Beck, Kenny Rogers, Cheap Trick, Elton John and Celine Dion.

2003 – Former Dire Straits frontman Mark Knopfler was injured when the Honda motorbike he was riding was involved in a collision with a Fiat Punto car. The 53-year-old singer and guitarist suffered a broken collar bone and six broken ribs in the accident which happened in London’s smart Belgravia district in mid-morning traffic.

1990 – In Rolling Stone Magazine’s awards, Cher won the worst dressed female, and worst video for “If I Could Turn Back Time,” Donny Osmond won the most unwelcome comeback award.

1986 – Whitney Houston went to No.1 on the U.S. album chart with her self-titled album. It spent a total of 14 weeks at the No.1 position.

1975 – Olivia Newton-John went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Have You Ever Been Mellow,” the singer’s second U.S. No.1.

1973 – Paul McCartney was fined $170 for growing cannabis at his farm in Campbeltown, Scotland. McCartney claimed some fans gave the seeds to him and that he didn’t know what they would grow.

1973 – Ron Mckernan, keyboard player with The Grateful Dead, died at age 27 from liver failure brought on by alcohol poisoning.

1970 – Diana Ross made her first performance as a solo act when she appeared in Framingham, Massachusetts.

1965 – David Bowie made his TV debut with The Manish Boys on a British program called “Gadzooks! It’s All Happening” when they performed their current single “I Pity The Fool.”

1962 – The Beatles made their radio debut on a British pop show singing Roy Orbison’s “Dream Baby.”

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. A recent survey found that THIS is the #1 thing you can do to make a bad impression on a first date. What is it?
Use a cheesy or corny line

2. 57% of singles surveyed say they experience THIS before a first date. What is it?
Sweaty palms

3. A third of people surveyed said THIS is the worst thing you might have to do on a first date. What is it?
Blow your nose

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