WEDNESDAY, Jan 25 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, January 25, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A&M AUTOLAND – Roundup; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

A ROOM OF ONE’S OWN DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
(January 25 was the birthday of author Virginia Woolf) “Virginia Woolf’s 1928 essay ‘A Room of One’s Own’ was surely the inspiration behind A Room Of One’s Own Day. While the essay itself was focused on the subject of women’s access to education, in these more enlightened times we can probably relax the rules a little and make it a day purely for ourselves.”

NATIONAL IRISH COFFEE DAY

NATIONAL IV NURSE DAY
The INS1 website says this:
“Every year on January 25, infusion professionals around the United States celebrate IV Nurse Day. Established 35 years ago, IV Nurse Day is meaningful for the infusion nurse professionals who have dedicated their lives to providing their patients with the best care possible.”

OBSERVE THE WEATHER DAY

NATIONAL OPPOSITE DAY
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“Good morning, or is it good night? Hello, or is it goodbye? I am cold, or am I hot? National Opposite Day, an unofficial holiday, is a day to have fun all day long saying exactly opposite of what you really mean. This day has kids rejoicing everywhere. It is also a great day for adults to play along and break out of the winter blues. Maybe we should have dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner!”

ROBERT BURNS DAY
The Forbes website says this:
“Robert Burns (1759-1796) is Scotland’s National Bard. He was a poet and lyricist who wrote in both Scottish and English, and remains to this day a Scottish cultural icon and a bedrock of Scotland’s national identity. Five years after his death, a group of his devoted friends gathered together to celebrate his life and work. The tradition caught on and came to be celebrated on or around his birthday of January 25. That date, often referred to as Robert Burns Day, has become Scotland’s unofficial National Day.”

January is:

Adopt a Rescued Bird Month
Be Kind to Food Servers Month
Family Fit Lifestyle Month
Financial Wellness Month
Get Organized Month
National Candy Month
National Clean Up Your Computer Month
National Hobby Month
National Skating Month
National Train Your Dog Month
Walk Your Pet Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

MADONNA BIOPIC CANCELED

The anticipated biopic of music legend Madonna is taking an indefinite holiday. The project, first announced in 2020 and which Madonna was going to direct herself, is no longer in development at Universal Pictures. The decision came after Madonna announced a career-spanning world tour last week. Insiders familiar with Madonna said her sole focus Is the tour, but she remains committed to making a film about her life one day.
* And that day will be the 12th of Never.
* She’d better hurry. The fans who would be interested in the movie are almost all dead.

SPLASH MOUNTAIN WATER SELLING ON EBAY

Disney World shut down the Splash Mountain ride last Sunday for a year-long retooling. They’re going to change the theme from “Song of the South” to a not-at-all racist theme of Tiana’s Bayou Adventure from “The Princess and the Frog.” To cash in, some ride fans are selling water they claim was scooped from the flume of Splash Mountain on the last day of operations – for $50 dollars an ounce like it’s holy water blessed by the Pope at the Vatican. Dozens of listings have popped up on eBay for “Splash Mountain Water,” listed on eBay for $1 to $1,000 in a variety of containers ranging from Mason jars and Thermos bottles to Ziploc bags and water candles. Bidders have paid as much as $202.50 on eBay for four ounces of Splash Mountain water from the last day of the ride. Disneyland’s version of Splash Mountain will also undergo a Princess Tiana makeover — but the California theme park has not yet announced a closing date for the attraction.
* Once in a very great while, Disney misses a potential income source. This could have been a literal income stream.
* Put it on the shelf right next to your actual, gen-u-ine piece of the Berlin Wall.
* They’ll announce a closing date on the California ride just as soon as Disney can make enough empty “Splash Mountain Water Vials” to sell you in the gift shop.
* $200 for Splash Mountain water. That’ll about pay for a day ticket to Disney World.
* I wonder if corporations can list “Getting Woke” as a tax write-off?
* I’m holding out for one of the souvenir severed hands they pick up every night from the floor of Space Mountain.

THE BUZZ

THE FIVE BEST PLACES TO VIEW SUNSETS

According to a consensus of 11 expert sunset reviewers (in other words, travel writers), here are The Five Best Places To View Sunsets:
1. Santorini, Greece
2. Mount Bromo, Java, Indonesia
3. Bali, Indonesia
4. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
5. Key West, Florida
* See, I would have said from a beach, a mountain, a tall building, a desert, and the Moon.
* How about “from Taylor Swift’s bedroom window”?
* The only sunset I want to see is a Tequila Sunset.
* How was sunset reviewing never presented to me as a career option?
* An entire planet, and there are only five? How did that happen?
* Hey, I’m up at 4 o’clock every morning. I haven’t seen a sunset in ___ years.

U.S. NEWS

PHILADELPHIA HIRING LIFEGUARDS WHO CAN’T SWIM

The city of Philadelphia is in such desperate need of lifeguards for their municipal pools they are willing to accept candidates that don’t know how to swim. Officials say they will provide swimming lessons to non-swimming applicants. Says Department Commissioner Kathryn Ott Lovell “We only have to train a handful of folks. I wouldn’t say they can’t swim, they just can’t pass our screening test.
* Remember the motto of the lifeguard: Reach, Throw or Go Find Somebody Who Knows How To Swim.
* Will they be able to teach enough lifeguards to swim? Don’t hold your breath.
* 99 percent of lifeguarding is blowing the whistle and yelling, “No running!” It’s that last 1 percent of the job you have to worry about.
* Just don’t ask the Philadelphia airport how pilot hiring is going.

“SANTA” DNA “DECODED”

Last week there was the “cute” story of a “little girl” from Cumberland, Rhode Island, who sent a cookie and carrot sticks to the town’s police department to ask if they can be tested for Santa Claus’ DNA. Police Chief Matthew Benson, with nothing better to do, said he forwarded the “evidence” to the state’s Department of Health-Forensic Sciences unit for analysis. Well, the “results” are “in,” and it’s a cop out: The Rhode Island Department of Health says it was not able “to definitively confirm or refute the presence of Santa” in the DNA sample. The department said it found no complete matches to anyone in the Combined DNA Index System but said there was a partial match “to a 1947 case centered around 34th Street in New York City,” referring to the movie “Miracle on 34th Street.” It said it would need more DNA samples “from other known Santa encounters to make a definitive match.”
* So … Santa’s DNA was not in the criminal database. Isn’t that a good thing?
* All these years and he’s never been pinched for breaking and entering.
* Little girl, it’s time you grew up and knew the truth, no matter how hard it is to hear. Ready? The truth is, the Rhode Island Department of Health-Forensic Sciences is incompetent.
* What I’m hearing is, if you or someone you know has had an encounter with Santa Claus, send the sheets to the Rhode Island Department of Health for DNA analysis.
* Now might be a good time to try and get away with something in Rhode Island, while they’re busy with this nonsense.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

DRUNK ORDERING MCDONALD’S BECOMES AD CAMPAIGN

McDonald’s in New Zealand has seen its fair share of drunk orders. Some of them are so entertaining, the company decided to make an ad campaign out of them. The slogans are plastered over typical pictures of McDonald’s food with the tag line, “We speak late night.” These are actual orders placed by inebriated New Zealanders. Can you figure out what they were ordering?
– “Five cheebs urgas” (“Five Cheeseburgers”)
– “Ferret oh frish extra tata” (“Filet-O-Fish with extra tartare”)
– “A bubble caught a panda and a cloak” (“A Double Quarter Pounder and a Coke”)
– “A mig back Congo peas” (A Big Mac with what?)
– “Nickin Chick Muggets with carby cue sauce.” (That one’s easy.)
– “Farge lies with tomato horse” (“Large fries with tomato sauce”)
– “Mich Kickin and a Flozen Croak.” (“McChicken and a frozen Coke”)
* Honestly, that’s not far off from what New Zealanders sound like normally.
* I sure hope they didn’t hear these through the drive-thru speaker.
* Give these people a large, strong, black coffee while you’re at it.
* The sad part? These weren’t all late night orders. Many were, like, 9 a.m.
* If this is McDonald’s, pity the poor workers at Taco Bell: “Shopplity grid kishkin birdo” (“Chipotle grilled chicken burrito”) “Cues zarto” (“Quesarito”)

THE FIRECRACKER, THE CARJACKING AND THE STOLEN PIZZA

Police in Winnepeg, Canada, charged a 31-year-old woman for several crimes. First, she walked into a crowded restaurant demanding food, holding a firecracker as a threat. When she was denied, she lit the firecracker inside the restaurant and ran off with a pizza. She got a ride from a taxi, but was asked to get out after becoming belligerent. When the driver stepped out of the vehicle, the woman jumped into the driver’s seat and drove away, dragging the cab driver about 30 feet (10 meters). Officers later spotted the stolen cab, and followed it until it became stuck in a snowbank. The woman tried to run, but was quickly caught and arrested.
* Yeah, if you’re gonna pull this stuff in Canada, wear your snowshoes.
* She lit the firecracker, and she was pretty lit, too.
* In her defense, it was a really good pizza.
* Crime is exploding in Winnepeg.

TRENDING

BLAKE SHELTON WANTS HIS “VOICE” CHAIR

Blake Shelton has announced his exit from the hit competition show “The Voice” after the upcoming Season 23. The one thing he wants to take from the show to remember his time there: his big red chair. “I don’t know if they’re gonna offer that or not. I feel like they owe me a damn chair though,” Shelton told People magazine. “I’m sure they’re gonna say, ‘Well, the only thing you took was a lot of our money. So, you should be happy with that.” Shelton doesn’t care that the memento won’t look aesthetically pleasing in his home with Gwen Stefani. “Well, that doesn’t matter,” said Shelton. “Because it built the home. So, it deserves a spot.”

CHRIS STAPLETON, BABYFACE TO PERFORM AT SUPER BOWL

Country music singer Chris Stapleton will perform the national anthem at the Super Bowl this year. Singer, songwriter and producer Babyface will sing “America the Beautiful.” In addition, actress Sheryl Lee Ralph of the ABC series “Abbott Elementary” will perform “Lift Every Voice and Sing.”

OSCAR NOMINATIONS

The Academy Award nominations have been announced. The ceremony is on Sunday,. March 12. Here are the major categories.

BEST PICTURE:
– “All Quiet on the Western Front”
– “Avatar: The Way of Water”
– “The Banshees of Inisherin”
– “Elvis”
– “Everything Everywhere All at Once”
– “The Fabelmans”
– “Tár”
– “Top Gun: Maverick”
– “Triangle of Sadness”
– “Women Talking”

BEST ACTOR
– Austin Butler, “Elvis”
– Colin Farrell, “The Banshees of Inisherin”
– Brendan Fraser, “The Whale”
– Paul Mescal, “Aftersun”
– Bill Nighy, “Living”

BEST ACTRESS
– Cate Blanchett, “Tár”
– Ana de Armas, “Blonde”
– Andrea Riseborough, “To Leslie”
– Michelle Williams, “The Fabelmans”
– Michelle Yeoh, “Everything Everywhere All at Once”

SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
– Angela Bassett, “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever”
– Hong Chau, “The Whale”
– Kerry Condon, “The Banshees of Inisherin”
– Jamie Lee Curtis, “Everything Everywhere All at Once”
– Stephanie Hsu, “Everything Everywhere All at Once”

SUPPORTING ACTOR
– Brendan Gleeson, “The Banshees of Inisherin”
– Brian Tyree Henry, “Causeway”
– Judd Hirsch, “The Fabelmans”
– Barry Keoghan, “The Banshees of Inisherin”
– Ke Huy Quan, “Everything Everywhere All at Once”

BEST DIRECTOR
– Martin McDonagh, “The Banshees of Inisherin”
– Daniel Scheinert and Daniel Kwan, “Everything Everywhere All at Once”
– Steven Spielberg, “The Fabelmans”
– Todd Field, “Tár”
– Ruben Ostlund, “Triangle of Sadness”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

January 27, Friday – Int’l Holocaust Remembrance Day (UN)
February 2, Thursday – Groundhog Day
February 12, Sunday – Lincoln’s Birthday
February 14, Tuesday – Valentine’s Day
February 20, Monday – Presidents Day / Washington’s Birthday
February 21, Tuesday – Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras
March 12, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Friday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 20, Sunday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 5:24 p.m. EDT
March 21, Monday – First full day of Spring

BIRTHDAYS

Olivia Edward (actress, “Better Things”) … 16
Michael Trevino (actor, “Roswell, New Mexico,” “The Vampire Diaries”) … 38
Alicia Keys (singer, born Alicia Augello-Cook) … 43
Ana Ortiz (actress, “Devious Maids,” “Ugly Betty”) … 52

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I’ve gotten more into my feminine side. It’s sexy but with an edge. I like to try new things, whether people like it or not.”

(A) Hillary Clinton
(B) Rosie O’Donnell
(C) Alicia Keys

ANSWER: (C) Alicia Keys

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2006 – Three independent observing campaigns announced the discovery of OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb through gravitational microlensing, the first rocky/icy extrasolar planet around a main-sequence star.
* Not sure exactly what that means, but I know the name needs work.

1999 – A Louisville, Kentucky man received the first hand transplant.
* Unfortunately the hand was EVIL AND MADE HIM KILL AGAINST HIS WILL!

1924 – The first Winter Olympics were held at Chamonix in France.
* Most of the freezing athletes stayed huddled around the Olympic flame saying “Whose idea was this?”

1915 – Alexander Graham Bell in New York spoke to his assistant in San Francisco, inaugurating the first transcontinental telephone service.
* Bell’s call went something like – “Hello? Hello? Are you there? Pick up. Are you screening? Hello?”

1825 – The first engineering college in America opened, Rensselaer Polytechnic in Troy, NY.
* The next day the first store specializing in pocket protectors opened.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2004 – Bob Dylan was paid by ladies underwear company Victoria’s Secret to fly to Venice in Northern Italy, to film a TV advertisement in an ancient palazzo with a scantily dressed model. Some fans were upset while others empathized with Dylan.

1998 – Spice Girl Victoria Adams (Posh) and soccer player David Beckham got engaged.

1994 – Accused of molesting a 13-year-old boy, Michael Jackson settled a civil lawsuit out of court.

1989 – Bobby Brown was arrested for an overtly sexually suggestive performance after a show in Columbus; he was fined $652 under the anti-lewdness ordinance law.

1989 – Madonna started divorce proceedings for the second time from Sean Penn at Los Angeles County Court and moved into a new three-bedroom house in Hollywood Hills.

1986 – Barbra Streisand started a three-week run at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with “The Broadway Album.”

1984 – Yoko Ono donated $425,000 to Liverpool old people’s home Strawberry Fields.

1975 – The Carpenters went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with their version of The Marveletts’ 1961 hit “Please Mr. Postman.”

1971 – Grace Slick of Jefferson Airplane gave birth to a daughter, naming her God. She was later re-named China.

1960 – The original cast recording of “The Sound Of Music” started a 16-week run at No.1 on the U.S. album chart.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. The average woman does THIS 19 times before getting married. What is it?
Kisses 19 different men

2. In a recent survey, THIS was the #1 answer to: “What does your husband do that you really can’t stand?” What is it?
Tickles me

3. According to Good Housekeeping magazine, 33% of wives don’t trust their husband to do THIS. What is it?
Pay the bills

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