WEDNESDAY, May 25 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, May 25, 2022
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL BROWN-BAG-IT DAY
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“National Brown-Bag-It-Day is observed each year on May 25. Taking your lunch to work or school is an effective way to save money and to ensure you and your family are eating healthy. If a refrigerator is available, there are more options. Yogurt, salads, cottage cheese and leftovers can all be stored until lunch time. Insulated lunchboxes with an icepack are also an option when a refrigerator is not available. When neither is an option, there are still many health choices such as peanut butter, fresh fruits and vegetables, and protein bars. A thermos is also a good source for taking warm food with you for your lunch.”

NATIONAL MISSING CHILDREN’S DAY

NATIONAL WINE DAY

TOWEL DAY
Wikipedia says this:
“Towel Day is celebrated every year on 25 May as a tribute to the author Douglas Adams by his fans. On this day, fans openly carry a towel with them, as described in Adams’ ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,’ to demonstrate their appreciation for the books and the author. The commemoration was first held 25 May, 2001, two weeks after Adams’ death on 11 May.”

May is:

Chip Your Pet Month / Pet Month
Date Your Mate Month
International Civility Awareness Month
National Barbeque Month
National Bike Month
National Egg Month
National Hamburger Month
National Military Appreciation Month
National Salad Month
National Salsa Month
Older Americans Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

OLYMPIC MONKEY BARS

The geniuses who are running the Olympics have announce a new lineup of skills for the Pentathalon event. Currently, the five events in the modern pentathlon are fencing, swimming, horse riding, pistol shooting, and running. These were chosen back in 1912 to reflect skills that cavalry soldiers of the 19th-century ought to possess. Starting in 2028, the horse riding will be replaced by an obstacle course which is, of course, the skill the cavalry soldiers of the 21st-century should possess. Athletes will race each other over a course up to 100 meters long with up to 10 obstacles:
– Ascending steps
– Rope swing
– 1.5-meter wall
– Monkey bars
– Offset steps
– 0.5-meter low crawl
– Rings
– Under-over-under-over
– Wheels rig
– Balance beam
– Angled ladders
– ‘Tsunami’ curved wall
The updated event is expected to make its first appearance in the 2028 Olympics.
* So, American Ninja Warriors. Nice.
* “Our son has been training for the Olympics.” “Really? What’s his sport?” “Monkey bars.”
* It would be a lot more impressive if they had to ride the horse through the obstacle course.
* If they really want to update the Pentathalon to modern times and make it challenging, the five events should be: The Nathan’s Hotdog Eating Contest, The TikTok Milk Crate Challenge, An Escape Room, Selecting a Streaming Service and Pickleball. Let’s see who can survive THAT.

THE BUZZ

YOUR “OH, HELL NO” MOMENT THAT LED TO YOU BREAKING UP

Reddit asked: “What was your ‘Oh, Hell No’ moment in a relationship that made you leave?” Some of the responses:
– “My ex-wife started an argument with me one morning when I was headed to the funeral of a childhood friend. I asked if she could not do this right now. Her response was ‘Oh, poor you.’ That was the end.”
– “My ex-boyfriend was angry his mom woke him up at 10 a.m. with a phone call. So after the call, he punched a hole in his door, threw his phone at the window, and yelled at me to buy a new door so his parents wouldn’t kick him out.”
– “She posted crap on social media every single time we fought. There was this one time when she decided to insult me on her Facebook while we were fighting, and I decided that was it.”
– “He refused to use soap. Yes, this includes hand soap. He believed that water and scrubbing were enough to keep yourself clean and it was important not to strip your body of its natural oils. I must admit, he did have really nice hair and skin but he always smelled bad. I have no clue what he does if his hands get sticky or really dirty, I didn’t stick around long enough to find out.”
– “I dated a guy long enough to become close with his family, and one day we were having dinner at his house and his mom asked me how I liked this new restaurant in the area as if I’d been there. When I said I hadn’t been there yet, she asked ‘Oh I thought that’s where you two went last weekend?’ And that’s how I found out he was dating other girls and telling his mother he was going out with me.”
– “She stole my car, drove it from Washington to Las Vegas, and married a guy she met on Xbox Live so he could get residence.”
* Hard to believe someone could go past Garry Shandling’s joke: “I broke up with my girlfriend. She moved in with another guy, and I draw the line at that.”
* How about: “I asked her her name and she said, ‘Amber Heard.'”
* More red flags than a Chinese May Day parade.
* And these are the final moments. Imagine what came before?
* PHONE TOPIC: What was your “Oh, Hell No” moment when you decided that was the end?

AUDIO: LACK OF SLEEP MAKES YOU ANTI-SOCIAL

Research from the University of California, Berkeley suggests that not getting enough sleep can make a person more anti-social. (* Your co-host: “Really?” You: “Shut up.”) The study finds that chronically sleep-deprived people feel lonelier and less inclined to be around or engaging with others. They avoid close contact in many of the same ways as those with severe social anxiety. In addition, the study finds that the alienating energy produced by sleep-deprived people also makes them more socially unattractive to others. The study shows well-rested people often feel lonely after a brief encounter with a sleep-deprived person, showing that social isolation can be contagious.
* For their study on lack of sleep, the researchers interviewed EVERY SINGLE COLLEGE STUDENT.
* You would think the point of this study would be obvious and self-evident to anyone, and that’s because it is.
* They could have saved a lot of space in the journal Nature Communications by just shortening this to “Lack of sleep = cranky.”
* Their next breakthrough study will investigate whether lack of sleep makes you tired.
* As a morning radio personality, we’re hired to be social and engaging. That’s why they make us get up at 4:30 in the morning.
CLIP: From “Tommy Boy”, the “Let me sleep for the love of God!!” scene.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/TommyBoy-HousekeepingLetMeSleep(dot)mp3

U.S. NEWS

MEN ARRESTED FOR MOVING A HOUSE

Police in Loreauville, Louisiana arrested two men for trying – and failing – to move an entire house without permits. At 3:30 a.m last Sunday morning, officers responded to a report of an illegal transport of a house. They found an abandoned truck, and an entire one-story house sitting on top of the truck’s trailer completely blocking Berard Road. This had been an ongoing situation – the owner of the house, Tony Domingue, had been warned that proper permits were needed to move the home, a warning which he ignored. In moving the house in the middle of the night, Mr. Domingue and a friend destroyed mailboxes, road signs and trees, as well as hitting power lines, causing 695 homes to be without power for several hours. The two men were arrested on charges of Obstruction of Highway Commerce and Criminal Damage to Property.
* Maybe they just wanted to go camping but didn’t have a tent.
* Next time, use helium balloons – like that movie “Up.”
* They should have told police, “Oh, my god, did you see that twister? It just picked up that house and dropped it on that truck in the middle of the road!”
* You know what the neighbors said? “There goes the neighborhood.”
* So – is this like the opposite of running away from home?
* That reminds me – we’re eating at Texas Road House tonight.

MAN HAS EATEN A BIG MAC EVERY DAY FOR 50 YEARS

Donald Gorske, of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, was recognized by the Guinness World Records last week for eating at least one Big Mac – and often two – almost every day for the last 50 years. Gorske had his first-ever Big Mac in 1972 at his local McDonald’s in Fond du Lac. Since that day in 1972, Gorske has only missed eight days of eating a Big Mac every day. He says, “When I like something, I stick with it.” Last Tuesday, Gorske celebrated the 50th anniversary of his first Big Mac at the same McDonald’s location where he had his first one. The restaurant has a picture of Gorske on the wall. Has he ever strayed from his true love? “I had one Burger King Whopper in 1984 and one Topper double burger in 1984,” Gorske said.
* Ah, 1984 – that was one crazy year, wasn’t it, Mr. Gorske.
* Has he ever been married? “Twice,” he says. “Both named Patty. Two Patties.”
* He’s eat so many Big Macs, a doctor once treated him for his sesame seed buns.
* If you cut him open, all you find inside is Secret Sauce.
* He loves the Big Mac, but after 50 years of them, if you ask him if he wants fries with that, he’ll punch your lights out.
* By the way, someone had an accident back in the break room. Don’t step in the gorske.

TRENDING

RITA MORENO IN FAST #10

90-year-old Academy Award-winning actress Rita Moreno has been signed for the upcoming “Fast & Furious” sequel “Fast X.” She will play Vin Diesel’s grandmother. Vin Diesel, 54, announced the news Tuesday in an Instagram video, sitting between Moreno and co-star Michelle Rodriguez, 43. He said, “It’s been my dream forever to work with Rita Moreno, and the fact that she’s here playing my grandmother makes my soul smile. I’m so blessed.”

AEROSMITH CANCELS DATES, CITES STEVEN TYLER’S SOBRIETY

Aerosmith is canceling its Las Vegas residency dates after announcing via Twitter that singer Steven Tyler has relapsed, and they are all hands on deck to support the frontman. They wrote, “As many of you know. Our beloved brother Steven has worked on his sobriety for many years. After foot surgery to prepare for the stage and the necessity of pain management during the process, he has recently relapsed and voluntarily entered a treatment program to concentrate on his health and recovery. We are truly sorry to inform our fans and friends that we must cancel our first set of Las Vegas residency dates this June and July while he focuses on his well-being.” The band is planning on returning to the stage in September.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 30, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Tuesday – Flag Day
June 19, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 21, Tuesday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 5:14 A.M. EDT)
July 4, Monday – U.S. Independence Day
Sept. 5, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Sunday – Patriot Day
Sept. 22, Thursday – Fall begins, Equinox is 9:04 p.m. EDT

BIRTHDAYS

Anne Heche (actress) … 53
Mike Myers (actor & comedian, “The Pentaverate,” “Austin Powers”) … 59
Frank Oz (Muppets puppeteer, director) … 78
Ian McKellen (actor, Gandalf in “Lord of the Rings” movies, Magneto in “X-Men” movies) … 83

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I have a messy desk, and if you think my desk is messy, you should see my mind.”

(A) President Joe Biden
(B) Senator Mitch McConnell
(C) Mike Myers

ANSWER: (C) Mike Myers

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

COVID-19 in History:
2021 – The U.S. CDC said half of all U.S. adults were now fully vaccinated, with 61% having had their first shot.

2011 – “The Oprah Winfrey Show” aired its final broadcast, ending a 25-year run.
* We laughed, we cried, we got a new car.

1992 – Jay Leno became the new host of “The Tonight Show,” following Johnny Carson’s near 30-year run. He and David Letterman were both in the running.
* Leno edged out Letterman by a chin.

1986 – 7,000,000 Americans formed “Hands Across America.”
* I was the 3,467,224th one to the left.

1981 – Daredevil Daniel Goodwin, wearing a “Spiderman” costume, scaled the outside of Chicago’s Sears Tower in 7 1/2 hours.
* Spiderman? Cute. If he’d been smart he would have negotiated to wear a big “Coca Cola” logo on his back.

1968 – St. Louis’s “Gateway Arch” was dedicated.
* Yeah, it’s nice … but … what does it DO?

1953 – The first “atomic cannon” was fired in Nevada.
* They recovered the clown in New Jersey.

1945 – Author Arthur C. Clark proposed the idea of positioning relay satellites in geosynchronous orbit, which later became the foundation
of our present satellite systems.
* He was smart enough to think of it, but not smart enough to patent it!

1937 – The first airmail letter to circle the globe returned to New York.
* But – couldn’t someone have just walked it across town?

1928 – Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean.
* Unfortunately, that’s not what she ended up being famous for.

1895 – The first book on golf, “Golf in America,” was published.
* The publisher and book agent did the deal over a few rounds …

1844 – Stuart Perry of New York City patented the gasoline engine.
* Think he made a lot of money? How about the guy who patented gasoline?

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2004 – Madonna cancelled three shows in Israel after terrorists threatened to kill her and her kids.

2003 – 50 Cent started a four-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “21 Questions,” the rapper’s second U.S. No.1.

2002 – 30 Eminem fans were hurt after a crowd surge at a gig in Washington, DC. Five people were hospitalized, and one man suffered a
heart attack.

1995 – The earliest known recording of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, from 1961, was sold at Christies in London for $90,000.

1991 – Mariah Carey scored her fourth U.S. No.1 single with “I Don’t Wanna Cry.”

1990 – Singer Lou Gramm quit Foreigner to start a solo career.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. The average person will spend about 11 hours of their lives doing THIS. What is it?
Waiting on hold

2. According to a recent study, the average person spends almost 4 days a year doing THIS. What is it?
Looking for a parking spot

3. The average person spends 15 months of their lives doing THIS. What is it?
Deciding what to watch on TV

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