THURSDAY, Sept 30 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, September 30, 2021
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: PROMOS-TO-GO

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BLASPHEMY RIGHTS DAY INTERNATIONAL
Wikipedia says this:
“Blasphemy Rights Day International encourages individuals and groups to openly express their criticism of, or even disdain for, religion. It’s a day for educating about the importance of freedom of expression, even opinions contrary to religions or offensive to religious people. Blasphemy Day is celebrated on September 30 to coincide with the anniversary of the publication of satirical drawings of Muhammad in one of Denmark’s newspapers, resulting in the Jyllands-Posten Muhammad cartoons controversy. Although the caricatures of Muhammad caused some controversy within Denmark, especially among Muslims, it became a widespread furor after Muslim imams in several countries stirred up violent protests in which Danish embassies were burned and over 100 people killed.”

NATIONAL HOT MULLED CIDER DAY

NATIONAL MUD PACK DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“National Mud Pack Day is today. Pile on the facial. Ladies, this is your day. Guys, you can get a mud pack facial, too. Just don’t let your buddies know that you did! Mud packs were once the rage for facial treatments. It is still popular. But, the mud in facials has been replaced with a variety of other ingredients. It is supposed to keep the skin young, soft and supple. Does it work? Girls who use it, swear by it. Did you know? A mud pack is a quick treatment for bee stings. Use it, if needed, when you are out on a hike, or until you can get to a place to be treated for bee and wasp stings. Celebrate today with a mud pack. Guys, make this a special day by buying a gift certificate for a facial for your special lady. Make sure to tell her its not that she needs it. Rather, its because it is comforting, and will make her feel good.”

September is:

Baby Safety Month
Better Breakfast Month
Chicken Month
Classical Music Month
Hispanic Heritage Month
Honey Month
International Square Dancing Month
Little League Month
National Blueberry Popsicle Month
National Courtesy Month
National Piano Month
Self Improvement Month

THE BUZZTHREE DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.

Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “I Tried 30 Mustards This Summer, These Were The Best”
2. “My Belly Button Saved My Life”
3. “Ultramarathoner Dean Karnazes Reveals How He Goes To The Bathroom While Running”

And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “Meet ‘Flourboy,’ Inventor Of The World’s First Pizza Skateboard”

SURVEY: HOME IMPROVEMENT

A new survey of 2,000 Americans about home improvement from (the amazingly named) BJ’s Wholesale Club finds the following:
– The average person estimates that it takes them five hours of trial and error before quitting their project and calling in a professional to help.
– 45% of us have butchered a home project.
– 56% of those surveyed had called their parents for help when a project was going off the rails.
– Half of the married respondents (52%) admit they assign their spouse a weekly “honey-do” list of home improvement projects.
* They can build an entire house on HGTV in 50 minutes, but I’ve spent three days just trying to put up a shelf above the washing machine.
* It’s the dirty little secret of big box home improvement stores: They’re counting on you to screw it up the first time and come back and buy a second bunch of everything you need.
* I like watching the guys on YouTube who show you how to fix things, because I love first listening to TEN MINUTES OF BACKSTORY before you get to the part where you shake the camera in front of whatever you’re trying to show.
* Guys, one important tip: When doing a home project, save the beer for AFTER you’re done.
* PHONE TOPIC: Home projects gone bust.

U.S. NEWS

MAN DROWNS WITH $45,000 LOTTERY TICKET IN POCKET

57-year-old Gregory Jarvis was at the Blue Water Inn in Caseville, Michigan, on September 13th playing the Club Keno add on game when he hit the jackpot, winning $45,000. Jarvis tried to cash the ticket, but he didn’t have a social security card that was in good shape. He applied for another, but before it arrived in the mail, he was found dead on a beach along Saginaw Bay last Friday morning, his empty boat nearby. Investigators believe he was tying up his boat, slipped and fell, hit his head, and ended up in the water. An autopsy confirmed he drowned. Police discovered he had the winning lottery ticket in his wallet.
* Never has there been a more appropriate time to ask: “What are the odds???”
* Uhhh… lucky stiff?
* It’s rough when the universe simultaneously loves you and hates you.
* This is, like, the worst “NCIS” plot ever. Jethro is going to discover that the casino was behind on its taxes and didn’t have the money to pay out $45,000, so they whacked the guy.
* They can identify him as a drowning victim, but they couldn’t identify him when he was alive because of a faded Social Security card?
* It’s just a shame he won’t be able to enjoy the fruits of his hard-earned, uh, fluke.

PRINCIPAL BUYS PIZZA FOR ALL THE STUDENTS WHEN THE LUNCH LADY DOESN’T SHOW UP

A principal at Mitchell Elementary School in Philadelphia bought pizza for 400 students after the food-service staff didn’t show up. The school normally serves breakfast and lunch to the economically disadvantaged kids. Last Thursday, September 23, the food service worker called and said they couldn’t make it, and the school couldn’t get a substitute, so Principal Stephanie Andrewlevich ordered pizza for her students. School staff and teachers helped out ordering the pizzas, passing them out, and buying juice and water from nearby stores.
* It was either that or sit and open 400 cans of Beefaroni.
* This is why schools should always keep a big pot of gruel in the cafeteria refrigerator.
* 400 students x 2 slices per student ÷ 8 slices per pizza = I don’t know, give it to the sixth graders. If they can figure out the answer, they can have the pizza.
* There goes the budget for the Christmas pageant.

AUDIO: BUY THE RIGHTS TO THE FOLGER’S JINGLE

The famous Folgers coffee jingle, “The best part of wakin’ up is Folgers in your cup” is up for sale. The royalties for the jingle are being auctioned through the Royalty Exchange. The winning bidder will own the songwriter’s share of public performance royalties … and get paid any time the song is used in commercials, on TV, in movies, on traditional and satellite radio, plus internet streaming. Since 2011 the song has reportedly earned a total of $38,164, although the annual income has grown recently – it’s paid $11,747 in the past 12 months. The bidding started this week at $63,000 and we’re told there have already been 16 bids. As of Wednesday, the bidding stood at $70,700. The auction ends today, Thursday at 5 PM.
* I’m sorry, but the best part of waking up is that first whizz. A cup of coffee is the second best thing.
* Or maybe the third best, if you’re newly married.
* What if you prefer tea?
* $11,000 a year in royalties, although you’ll be paying much more than that to your accountant and your legal team to keep track of it.
* This is small potatoes. You know where the really big bucks are? (Sing the Liberty Mutual jingle: “Liberty, Liberty, Li-ber-ty. Li-ber-ty.”
CLIP: Let’s help the guy who buys it earn a couple more nickels this year. Here’s the jingle.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/FolgersJingle(dot)mp3

NASA SEEKS GROUND TRANSPORTATION FOR ASTRONAUTS

NASA last week put out a call for a commercial provider to help shuttle astronauts the nine miles from their crew quarters to the rocket launchpad. The job is part of the upcoming Artemis missions, which will return humans to the moon. NASA said, “The ground transportation proposals should be unique, embrace new technology and visually embody Artemis to the public.” An Airstream trailer, or a modern-looking bus, perhaps. Well, one company offered their services: Oscar Mayer offered use of their Wienermobile to move the astronauts to the launchpad.
* NASA was quick to respond: “Frankly, no,” they said. And it took NASA twenty-eight million dollars to come up with that joke.
* Although some of the department heads relished the idea.
* Space: Oscar Mayer’s final frontier. Boldly going where no wiener has gone before.
* Nice idea, but sadly the Wienermobile doesn’t fit NASA guidelines of being stupendously over-designed and outrageously over-budget.
(NOTE: This story is from August –
“NASA Wants To Return To The Moon By 2024, But The Spacesuits Won’t Be Ready
NASA won’t be ready to send astronauts to the moon by 2024 as planned because, among other reasons, their spacesuits won’t be ready, the agency’s internal watchdog found. NASA has been developing new spacesuits for the last 14 years, which have so far cost $420 million. The agency is expected to spend another $625 million by the time just two flight-ready suits are ready in the 2025 fiscal year.” Yep – over a billion dollars … for TWO SPACE SUITS!

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

AUDIO: MAN CAUGHT SMUGGLING GOLD PASTE IN HIS BUTT

Authorities at India’s Imphal Airport arrested a man who was trying to smuggle nearly a kilogram of gold in his butt. The suspect, identified as Mohammad Sharif, was examined by security officials due to his suspicious movement. During the examination, the officials found that Sharif was hiding over 900 grams of gold in paste form in his rectum. According to officials, the seized gold is worth around $56,000 U.S.
* They could tell because when he sat down, he clanged.
* “Hey, I think this might be gold paste, but it’s the wrong color.”
* They “examined him due to his suspicious movement”? Like, bowel movement?
* Seized rectum gold? “I seesed it, but I ain’t gonna touch it.”
CLIP: The “Goldfinger” stab. (sing it) ♪♫ “Gold-Stinker! ♫ (then play the sound clip)
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/09-30-GoldfingerMusicStab(dot)mp3

TURKISH MAN JOINS SEARCH FOR HIMSELF

A Turkish man, Beyhan Mutlu, who had been drinking with friends, wandered off into the woods near the village of Çayyaka and never came back. He was reported missing early Tuesday by his family. A search-and-rescue team, along with citizens of the town, went into the forest to look for him. Meanwhile, Mutlu, who had heard all the noise, saw a group of people and joined them. After awhile, he asked someone in the search party, “Who are we looking for?” They told him. He replied, “I am here.” Police escorted him home.
* “How odd that we’re looking for somebody who has my name, too.”
* Well, heck, I think all of us go through a period in our lives when we’re trying to find ourselves.
* That does speak to the Turk ethos that, even inebriated, you would join a search party for somebody sight unseen.
* Uh … if no one in the search party recognized that he was the missing man, how would they know if they found him?
* In Australia, if you’re missing they don’t even bother searching for you, and they just call it a “walkabout.”

AMUSEMENT PARK WEIGHS PATRONS BEFORE GOING ON RIDES

An Australian amusement park is being accused of “fat-shaming” visitors after imposing a new guest-weighing policy that bars people from rides for being too heavy. Adventure World in Perth opened for the season last Saturday, posting weight limits for their rides, which they enforced by equipping attractions with “self-serve” weighing stations that flash green or red depending on if the rider meets their standards. Some of the rides have a limit of 1,300 pounds for every eight people. This means that the average weight of the patron needs to be 165 pounds — 20 pounds less than the weight of the average Australian male. Angry park-goers have swarmed the Adventure World’s Facebook page to protest the discriminatory policy, as more than one person said, “I’ll take my kids elsewhere for fun.”
* Hey, gang – shorter lines for the rides at Adventure World!
* Adventure World: It’s an Adventure in Humiliation!
* Of course, once you pass a certain size, you need two seats and you count as two people, so now your group can get on the ride.
* Maybe if you’re an average Australian male, and you’re old enough to weigh over 165 pounds, maybe you should find other pasttimes than going on carnival rides.
* Make people configure their own 1300-pound group, and if they do that, they get to the front of the line. Problem solved.
* But really, do you want to be the one who turns the Tilt-a-Whirl into just a Tilt?

TRENDING

BLINK 182 BASSIST MARK HOPPUS CANCER-FREE

After announcing earlier this year that he was undergoing treatment for lymphoma, Blink-182 bassist Mark Hoppus revealed that as of yesterday, he’s cancer-free. Hoppus shared the good news Wednesday after a visit to his oncologist. He shared in a tweet, “Thank you God and universe and friends and family and everyone who sent support and kindness and love.” The bassist and founding member of Blink-182 added that he still has to get scanned every six months, and that he won’t get back to normal until the end of the year. But he noted that “today is an amazing day” and said he feels “so blessed.”

PREVIEW OF KATIE COURIC’S NEW BOOK

Katie Couric has a new memoir coming out this fall called ‘Going There.’ Over 500 pages in length, Couric tears into ex-boyfriends, former colleagues and A-list celebrities. Here are some of the things she says:
– Prince Harry stank of cigarettes and alcohol when they met.
– About Martha Stewart, Katie says it took a ‘some healthy humbling (in prison) to develop a sense of humor.’
– Couric left Joan Rivers so angry after asking if she had plastic surgery on her short-lived talk show ‘Katie’ that they never spoke again.
– She had a bizarre 15 minute date with Michael Jackson whose hand felt like a ‘dead fish’ when she shook it.
– Her relationship with TV producer Tom Werner ended when he dumped her by email.
– When she was in her 20’s, Couric went for dinner at an Italian restaurant with Larry King, even though he was 24 years older than her. Afterwards they went back to King’s apartment where Couric described him making a ‘lunge’ for her on the sofa with his tongue and his hands. She pushed him off and a dejected King said: ‘When I like, I really like’.

AMERICANS CHECK THEIR CELL PHONES 96 TIMES A DAY

New research from global tech care company Asurion claims Americans check their phones 96 times a day. That’s once every 10 minutes. The company says that’s a 20% increase from a similar survey from two years ago. The survey also showed:
– 18-to-24-year-olds check their phones twice as much as the national average.
– Nearly nine out of 10 Americans are offended when someone they’re speaking with starts looking at their phone. Although, 75% of survey takers admit they’ve done it themselves.

GRAND OL’ OPRY’S 5,000TH SHOW

The Grand Ole Opry’s 5,000th Saturday night broadcast, coming up on October 30th, has added some more performers: Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, Darius Rucker and Dustin Lynch have joined the already impressive lineup which will include Vince Gill, Jeannie Seely, Connie Smith, Terri Clark, Chris Janson, the Gatlin Brothers and Chris Young.

TOMMY KIRK HAS DIED

The great Tommy Kirk has died; he was 79. To your parents – heck, to your grandparents – Tommy Kirk was a staple of 1950’s and ’60’s Disney movies, including “The Shaggy Dog, “Swiss Family Robinson,” “Son of Flubber,” “The Monkey’s Uncle” and “The Misadventures of Merlin Jones.” Most notably, Tommy Kirk played Travis Coates, the boy who had to go out and shoot “Old Yeller.” He started acting in 1954 when he was 13, and ended up getting cast in “The Mickey Mouse Club” which led to several years with Disney. But in 1964, Walt Disney personally fired Tommy because he was gay, although, Kirk said, “Walt asked him to return for the final Merlin Jones movie, “The Monkey’s Uncle,” because the Jones films had been moneymakers for the studio.” Kirk went on to appear in 1960’s beach movies and low-budget horror films like “Mars Needs Women” and “Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine,” eventually retiring from acting and starting a carpet cleaning business.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Oct. 11, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 15, Friday – National Boss Day (Technically October 16, but if it falls on a weekend, it is celebrated on the nearest working day)
Oct. 24, Sunday – United Nations Day
Oct. 31, Sunday – Halloween
Nov 7, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Ends, turn clocks back 1 hour
Nov. 11, Thursday – Veterans Day
Nov. 25, Thursday – Thanksgiving
Dec. 21, Tuesday – Winter begins, winter solstice occurs at 10:59 am EST
Dec. 25, Saturday – Christmas
Dec. 31, Friday – New Year’s Eve
Jan. 1, Saturday – New Year’s Day

BIRTHDAYS

Christopher Jackson (actor, “Bull”) … 46
Jenna Elfman (actress, “Dharma and Greg”) … 50
Tony Hale (actor, “Veep”) … 51
Eddie Montgomery (country singer w/ Montgomery Gentry) … 58
Eric Stoltz (actor) … 60
Fran Drescher (actress, “The Nanny”) … 64
Barry Williams (actor, “The Brady Bunch”) … 67
Deborah Allen (country singer) … 68
Johnny Mathis (singer) … 86
Angie Dickenson (actress, “Police Woman”) … 90

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I wasn’t always this confident. It’s been a long and painful transformation from the total nerd I was in high school. I was so pathetic and it was all because of my teeth. My mouth was so small for my teeth that the dentist had to pull eight of them out and then hook me up in this horrible headgear for years. I looked like some space creature and that’s how the other kids treated me.”

(A) Donny Osmond
(B) Gary Busey
(C) Jenna Elfman

ANSWER: (C) Jenna Elfman

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

COVID 19 – ONE YEAR AGO:
– The Spanish government ordered a COVID-19 lockdown in Madrid and surrounding areas after a rapid rise in cases.

1955 – 24-year-old Hollywood superstar James Dean was killed at 5:45 pm when his Porsche Spyder 550 sports car crashed into another vehicle at high speed – Dean was hurrying to enter the Porsche in a race at Salinas, California.
* Notice nobody ever mentions what happened to the other guy.

1929 – The first manned rocket plane flight was made by automaker Fritz von Opel.
* There was some speculation the rocket plane would replace the automobile, but that idea died when it turned out the driver’s insurance would be about $30,000 a month.

1894 – The safety pin was invented.
* To keep your clothing together when those new-fangled zippers broke.

1846 – Boston dentist Dr. William Morton used the experimental anesthetic, ether, for the first time on a patient at Massachusetts General Hospital.
* He later commented that dentistry wasn’t nearly as much fun when the patient couldn’t feel the pain.

1660 – Alexander Selkirk was shipwrecked on Juan Fernandez Island off South America. His ordeal was the basis for Daniel Defoe’s classic novel “Robinson Crusoe.”
* And the Selkirk family never got a penny from it.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2016 – A schoolboy from Philadelphia who skipped class to meet his musical hero handed his teacher an absence note with a difference. The typewritten note was signed by Bruce Springsteen. Fifth-grader Michael Fenerty met the star at a “meet-and-greet” in the Free Library of Philadelphia when Springsteen was in town signing copies of his new autobiography, Born to Run.

2007 – Country music singer Keith Urban crashed his motorcycle on the way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. The 39-year-old, who was not injured, said he was being followed by a photographer when the accident happened near his home in Sydney, Australia.

2003 – An auction of the contents of Sir Elton John’s London home raised about $ 2.5 million. Sir Elton sold off the items so he could redecorate his home in a more modern style.

1998 – Blues guitar prodigy Jonny Lang, rock guitarist Slash, punk rocker Joey Ramone, and Cheap Trickster Rick Nelson are among the musicians who guest-starred on “The Drew Carey Show.” On the program, Carey’s band was looking for a lead guitarist, and a string of axemen auditioned for the gig – including Ramone, even though he didn’t play guitar in the Ramones.

1997 – Fleetwood Mac’s reunion show at the Continental Airlines Arena in East Rutherford, N.J., grossed a house record of $1,094,520.

1995 – Mariah Carey made chart history when she started an eight week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Fantasy”, making her the first female act to enter the chart in pole position.

1993 – George Harrison and David Crosby make guest appearances on the fifth season premiere of the Fox animated comedy series “The Simpsons.”

1993 – Kate Pierson from The B-52’s was charged with criminal mischief and trespassing during an anti-fur protest at ‘Vogue’s’ New York City offices.

1974 – Police were called to a Lynyrd Skynyrd and Blue Oyster Cult concert after a fight broke out between two sound engineers. The Skynyrd roadie claimed that the sound had been deliberately turned off during the band’s set.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. Each year, 40,000 Americans wake up HERE. Where is it?
On an operating table during a medical procedure or surgery

2. The average American will use one of THESE about 80 times this year. What is it?
An ATM machine

3. Experts say that, since 1960, we have been consuming hundreds of millions of extra gallons of fuel for our cars because of THIS. What is it?
The weight gain of the average American

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