MR. PURPLE WAVES BLOODY DEER MEAT AT GAS STATION

Police in Scotville, Michigan, were called to a BP Gas Station for a man walking around the parking lot covered in blood and sitting in a car that did not belong to him. When they approached the car, the man, intoxicated, rushed at them, screaming, covered in blood, and waving around deer meat. The man, identified as Roy Purple, 62, was arrested. The blood was from a deer that was hit by a car.
* This has been Mad Libs news. Stay tuned to this [NAME OF RETAIL STORE] as we [VERB] you another [NOUN].
* I’ve seen this movie. Later, the man puts the clues together and realizes he’s a werewolf.
* Then the flock of vultures attacked.
* The only part of that story you could see coming was the bit about him being intoxicated.