ZOO STARTS GIFT REGISTRY FOR PREGNANT ORANGUTAN

A Texas zoo has set up a gift registry for an expectant orangutan couple. The Cameron Park Zoo in Waco is requesting several items for Mei and KJ on the Target registry, including a Dolly Parton CD, the movie Zootopia, stuffed animals, a musical crib mobile, SpongeBob SquarePants bubble bath, and books. All are under $25, and several have already been purchased. “When Mei first got here, she was young, 10 years, she loved the movie Jungle Book,” Zoo curator Terri Cox said. Each item on the gift registry was selected to help provide enrichment for the new arrival and other zoo animals. Mei is due in late January.
* You’d think they’d register them at Banana Republic, but, what do I know.
* If you’re planning on buying something on the registry, don’t be fooled. An orangutan does not need a Vespa scooter. That’s just the zookeeper overreaching.
* Wouldn’t orangutans be pretty happy with, like, random items from a junkyard?
* A musical crib mobile? Yeah, that will last about three minutes.
* A Dolly Parton CD? Not … The Monkees?
* Imagine orangutans having sex. That had to be a dynamic situation.
* I hear they’re real swingers.
* Okay, they just swing on tires hanging from a rope but still.
* The nice part? The fur covers up the stretch marks.
* Orangutans wanting these gifts? Today’s word must be “anthropomorphic.”
* The female loved the movie Jungle Book? Gee, maybe it’s because she’s tired of living in a cage.
* Whatever you do, don’t let them watch the “Planet of the Apes” movies.