YOU’RE FAT BECAUSE OF WHEN YOU WERE BORN

Can’t lose weight? Here’s your latest excuse, courtesy of science. A new study suggests that people born in the 90s have a harder time of losing weight than those from previous generations. Using diet information from the U.S. National Health and Nutrition Survey between 1971 and 2008 and exercise data from 1988 to 2006, researchers from Canada’s York University discovered that even though physical activity increased upwards of 120 percent, younger people were more likely to have a higher body mass index. While calorie and carbohydrate intake increased 10-to-14 percent, fat and protein intake decreased by 5-to-9 percent. And though, on the whole, people are exercising far more frequently than they did in the ’70s and ’80s, individuals were 10 percent heavier in 2008 than they were in 1971. The study results suggest that if you are 25, you’d have to eat even less and exercise more than those older, to prevent gaining weight. It also indicates there may be other specific changes contributing to the rise in obesity beyond just diet and exercise, including pollution, medication, stress, and overall gastrointestinal health as other factors.
* So that explains it. I was born in nineteen-seventy-fat.
* It also depends what sign you were born under. I was born under a Taco Bell sign.
* Could it be that foods like today’s wheat are unrecognizable from the earlier versions?
* It’s true. Hybridization of foods and genetic engineering has led to new life forms Dr. Frankenstein couldn’t imagine.
* One bad sign: When the food is actually served in a test tube.
* Don’t worry. Once science makes the right obesity pill, we can all go back to eating like pigs.