WOMAN POOPS AT KMART, BUT NOT IN THE BATHROOM

A woman returning items to a Kmart in Racine, Wisconsin, was arrested on Monday after she allegedly snuck behind a store cash register and defecated in a box of security tags. Security footage showed Melissa Jacobson, 49, answering nature’s call around 10:22 a.m. The footage also showed her reaching for paper towels beneath the counter when she was done. Then she went back to the customer service desk. Jacobson completed her return and exited the retailer. According to the footage, Jacobson was wearing a shirt with a dump truck on it and the phrase, “dropping a load.” Jacobson was a regular customer, and Kmart employees gave officers her address from the forms used when she returned merchandise. When they went to the house, Jacobson denied pooping at the Kmart, even after she was told about the footage.
* Yeah? She’s full of it. Well, not any more, literally.
* What an idiot. At Kmart, you make a return. You go to the bank to make a deposit.
* Wasn’t there a security guard on duty? Or, rather, dooty duty?
* If she’s a regular customer, maybe she’s just marking her territory.
* What kind of store would have a customer like this? Wait, did you say Kmart? Never mind.
* She had to go there. Walmart was too far to drive.
* And don’t ask what she did at Target.