WOMAN LIVED SECRETLY IN MAN'S ATTIC

Davis Wahlman, of Green Lake, Washington, made a startling discovery when he arrived at his home Monday night. He found a couple of lights on and his bathroom window screen laying in his tub, but said nothing strange dawned on him until he heard some noises coming from his attic the next morning. Wahlman said, “I hear rummaging around above me, which I know is the attic so I’m like ‘That’s kind of weird.'” Wahlman tried to figure out what in fact was going on and noticed a light that was on in his office space. The door was locked and when he knocked, he got no response. He then heard a woman’s voice coming from the room saying, “Jimmy? Is that you, Jimmy?” Wahlman’s first name, as you might remember from the beginning of the story, is Davis. A woman then opened the door and Wahlman began grilling her on why she was in his house. She kept repeating, “This is my house. I live here. I’ve been here for three days. Jimmy said I could live here, Jimmy said I could stay here.” Wahlman tried to keep the woman in the house until police arrived, but it took 18 minutes for officers to arrive, and she got away. He is unsure how the woman got into his home without messing up anything. He said only a few things were out of place.
* Like his marijuana stash? Is that why he didn’t care that the lights were on and a screen was in his bathtub?
* “Dude, there are screens in my bathtub, like, all the time.”
* If the police in this town are this slow, you need to call 9-1-1 first, and THEN spend a half hour playing detective.
* This story has been brought to you by the Weiser Lock Company.
* I’m intrigued by this “Jimmy”, who clearly is running the town of Green Lake, telling people where they can live.
* It sounds like the beginning of a Judd Apatow romantic comedy.
* Sure, you get Paul Rudd to play the guy and Katherine Heigl to be the woman in the attic.
* Then you could have a love triangle with this Jimmy dude.
* No wait, this woman sounds more like the sequel to Amy Schumer’s “Trainwreck.”