WOMAN FLIES INTO RAGE, DEFECATES ON EX-BOYFRIEND’S PORCH

In Kensington, on London’s West End, Deka Ahmed, 41, turned up at the home of her ex-boyfriend Silvestrs Rullis, 28, on April 15 and messaged him saying “Surprise! I’m downstairs and I’ve got a bottle of wine.” She wanted to make up and rekindle the tumultuous relationship they’d had since 2018. However, when Rullis poured the wine into tumblers instead of wine glasses, Ahmed flew into a rage and threw it at him. He dodged out of the way and it smashed into a cabinet. Ahmed then slapped him around the face and hit his housemate with a belt before they were able to bundle her out of the house. That was when she dropped her knickers and defecated on the doorstep of his home.
* It was described as having an oaken bouquet, blunt but not too flinty. The wine, I mean.
* Imagine how crazy she’d have been with a few glasses of wine in her.
* He lives in the West End, and she showed him her south end.
* Where does he live? The number 2 house on the left.
* Maybe next time use straws?
* Mr. Rullis’s least favorite TV show? “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”.
* Stories you won’t find in Wine Spectator magazine.