Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
MADONNA’S CLOTHES STOLEN. OR SOMETHING.
Now what will she wear???
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JURY FINDS LIVE NATION A MONOPOLY
It took six weeks to figure that out?
NICOLE KIDMAN, DEATH DOULA
Angel of mercy.
SID KROFFT, CREATOR OF H.R. PUFNSTUF, DIES
Can’t do a little ’cause he can’t do enough.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
There’s a knock at the door.
Guy answers it, a sees a little man standing on the step. He says, “You’re not very tall are you”? Man says, ” I’m 3-foot 3.” Guy says, “So what do you want?” The guy says, “I’m the meter man.”
Why is Cardi B so out of shape?
Because she’s Cardi B, not Cardio.
Which country has the most bad singers?
Singapore.
How did Fred Flintstone please Wilma?
He made her Bed Rock.
A 70-year-old woman, miraculously, has a baby.
All of her family and relatives come to visit. When they ask to see the baby, the mom says, “Not yet.” A little later, they ask to see the baby again. Again, the woman says, “Not yet!” Finally they ask, “When can we see the baby?” The mother says, “When the baby cries.” They say, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The woman says, “Because I forgot where I put it.”
U.S. NEWS
ARSON SUSPECT FOUND BY POLICE WITH SINGED EYEBROWS
Do you smell smoke?
COCAINE SALMON
“I’ll have the fish, please.” – Cocaine Bear
FLORIDA COUPLE FINDS SOMEBODY ALREADY IN THEIR BURIAL PLOT
Nothing worse than gravesquatters.
HIGH SCHOOL KIDS TAKE WIENERMOBILE TO THE PROM
You never sausage a sight.
TRUCKER CAUGHT WATCHING “DEEP SPACE NINE” WHILE DRIVING
We’ve got to get these Ferengis off the road.
COPS ON WELFARE CHECK FIND OLD LADY PLAYING VIDEO GAME
Gaming disorder: a pattern of persistent, compulsive gaming that takes precedence over daily life.
INVENTOR OF HEELYS DIES
Final roll call.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
CONDOM SHORTAGE DUE TO IRAN WAR DISRUPTIONS
Things are hard all over, I guess.
FARMER TO BREED UGLIER COWS
Don’t have a cow, man.
INDIAN TEMPLE REQUIRES VISITORS TO DRINK THE SECRET SAUCE
Respect the cow. Respect it!
BULLFIGHTER GORED IN THE RECTUM
Darn near killed ‘im.
BRIDE SPLASHED WITH PAINT BY HER EVIL SISTER-IN-LAW
The bride wore black (splotches).
CHIROPRACTOR ACCUSED OF TAPPING BUTTOCKS
Tap dat ass.
SAFARI GUIDE HAS DREAM COME TRUE!
“Like people, some of them are just jerks.” – The Simpsons
SHAKESPEARE’S HOUSE DOTH FOUND
Much ado about nothing – it doesn’t exist anymore.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Guess Who?
Fried Godzilla
Static In My Attic
S.S. Watermelon
Wookieelini
Surfing Dudes
THE BUZZ
WHAT DO ALL MEN LIKE?
Other than scratching yourself.
HUMANS ARE EVOLVING INTO REDHEADS
Humangutans.
CAN YOU MAKE A MEAL WITHOUT LOOKING AT A RECIPE?
No, but I know how to make reservations.
HOW TO SAVE MONEY ON GAS, FROM COMMON IDIOTS.
(Not everyone is an idiot.)
CREEPY KIDS
Jeepers creepers.
DUMB HEADLINES
Read, discuss, vote for the dumbest.
DO YOU LISTEN TO THE RADIO IN THE CAR? YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Is there anybody out there? Yes.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
MICHAEL
Starts Friday, August 1 in theaters.
OVER YOUR DEAD BODY
Starts Friday, April 24 in theaters.
NORMAL
Starts Friday, April 17 in theaters.
LEE CRONIN’S THE MUMMY
Starts Friday, April 17 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Free Iron
Big Al’s latest promotion isn’t so hot, and Big Mike gets steamed.
PROM: WHISTLE STOP
It’s not hard to have a nice lawn.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 17.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Beat It
If you find a deal and Big Al can’t beat it, Big Mike will beat Al.
SONG – WORK ON MY TAXES ALL DAY
Wht are YOU doing this weekend?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 10.
TACHYON TAX
Faster than TurboTax!
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Tax Time
Al and Mike try to have fun with your refund.
RED PLOPSTER SHRIMP MONTH
This is it, baby.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 3.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – April Fools
Al and Mike are fools no matter what month it is.
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