WEDNESDAY, May 24 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, May 24, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Boss Is On Vacation Sale; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY FOR PEACE AND DISARMAMENT

NATIONAL ESCARGOT DAY

WORLD SCHIZOPHRENIA DAY

May is:

Chip Your Pet Month / Pet Month
Date Your Mate Month
International Civility Awareness Month
National Barbeque Month
National Bike Month
National Egg Month
National Hamburger Month
National Military Appreciation Month
National Salad Month
National Salsa Month
Older Americans Month

THE BUZZWHEN BEES ATTACK

Bees generally leave people alone. But on rare occasions, such as their home being disturbed, bees will attack people. From Lifehacker.com, and author Beth Skwarecki, here are The Worst Ways to React to a Bee Attack:
– Don’t just stand there. Run.
– Don’t cover your face – you’ll have a hard time seeing where you’re going as you run away.
– Don’t jump into water. Whenever you come up to take a breath, the bees will attack your face. And you can inhale bees that can then sting you from the inside.
– Don’t play dead. Run.
* Bees are on to your shenanigans, and they hate if you think you can outsmart them.
* Picnicking outside? Have a garden hose handy.
* 1, 2, 3, 4… just four things. This is the worst top ten list ever. (And two of the four were “Run.”)
* This is some tip-top journalism, Lifehacker. Tomorrow, author Beth Skwarecki will explain what to do when you have a smudge on your glasses.
* I give this bee story a D-minus.
CLIP: “Flight of Bumblebee” music into bee swarm.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/flightofbumblee-into-bees-21sec(dot)mp3

U.S. NEWS

LANDLORD SETS APARTMENT ON FIRE, PLAYS “WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE”

A landlord in Duluth, Minnesota, deliberately set his apartment on fire, all while blasting Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” Officers were dispatched on May 18 shortly after 4 a.m. to a call of an upstairs apartment on fire. When emergency crews arrived, they found the upstairs apartment aflame with “We Didn’t Start the Fire” blaring from the unit. The downstairs tenant says they woke up to their landlord, identified as Travis Carlson, 37, “smashing glass and breaking things” for about 20 minutes. Carlson then knocked on the downstairs tenant’s apartment, telling the tenant that “the house is on fire.”
* Good luck moving in, ‘cuz heeeeeeeee’s……movin’ out.
* And yet the apartments had a no-smoking policy.
* He was charged with arson, and terrible taste in music.

MAN EATS LAST HOT POCKET; ROOMMATE SHOOTS HIM IN THE BUTT

A Louisville, Kentucky, man shot his roommate in the buttocks after he ate the last Hot Pocket in the freezer. Clifton Williams, 64, and his roommate got into an argument Saturday evening over the eating of the last Hot Pocket. Mr. Williams “began throwing tiles at his roommate. When that man walked awa from the apartment, Williams retrieved a handgun and, quote, “shot him in the ass while he was trying to leave.” The roommate was able to flee a few blocks to get help. He was treated at University of Louisville Hospital for his injury.
* He ate a Hot Pocket, and was shot in the pocket.
* If that guy had eaten a few less Hot Pockets, his ass would have been a smaller target.
* Mr. Williams, obviously, needs to use the “Leggo My Eggo” defense.
* Hot Pockets, packed with meat, cheese, vegetables and, sometimes, lead.

MILLIONAIRE PRISONER FAILS IN ELABORATE ESCAPE PLAN

Authorities have foiled a rich businessman’s plan to escape from a Florida jail and return to France. John Manchec, 78, is a multimillionaire with dual U.S. and French citizenship. He is serving time in Florida’s Indian River County Jail on child pornography charges. Manchec broke his hip and wrist late last year. He had requested a medical appointment, which would happen outside the prison. The plan called for Manchec’s employees to pepper-spray prison guards outside the prison and take him to his private plane waiting in nearby Fort Pierce, so that he could fly to France and live at his estate in southern France. France had previously denied extraditing Manchec to the U.S., and would presumably continue to refuse to do so. But before the planned April 12 escape, at least one of the people involved tipped off law enforcement, allowing investigators to unravel the plot. An examination of Manchec’s jail phone records discovered he used the code words “paint job” while talking with his employees about the plot. They were to prepare his plane, his 140-foot yacht, a black utility van and other vehicles purchased just for the escape attempt. Manchec even paid the bail for a cellmate, and then allowed them to live in his home. That person helped prepare for the escape, including packing a suitcase of Manchec’s clothes for the trip.
* It’s like “Mission: Impossible,” but unlike the movies, the mission actually IS impossible.
* This sounds like a really bad Ocean’s Eleven sequel. Not as bad as Ocean’s 12 or 13, or even Ocean’s 8, but still pretty bad.
* Who tipped off the cops? Boy, you just can’t buy good henchmen these days.
* Should’ve gone with the “sneak out in one of the hospital’s big laundry carts” idea. According to the movies, that ALWAYS works.
* Bet he regrets getting that entire body tattoo of the prison floor plan now.

MAN WALKS UP TO OLD FAITHFUL

A man was caught on camera Sunday walking right up to the famous Old Faithful geyser in Yellowstone National Park. Guests are required to stay back from the scalding hot water eruption, on a boardwalk. In the video, visitors can be heard panicking and shouting at the man to turn back from the steaming hole. Thankfully, the geyser did not erupt and he was uninjured (* Really? Thankfully??), and was soon escorted to “safety” by Park Rangers.
* “Maybe, sir, you’d like to see our park buffaloes up close, as well? We can arrange that.”
* When the geyser didn’t erupt, he was steamed.
* Better luck next time, Johnny Knoxville.
* The man was heard to have asked, “Where can a guy get a hot shower around here?”
* Anyway, this has been another episode of “Yellowstone.”

TIME TRAVELER SAVES FAMILY FROM AWFUL FUTURE EVENT, BREAKS WINDOW

On Saturday, May 13, an Ocala, Florida police officer responded to a possible home burglary. The victims had been awakened by a loud crash – someone had thrown a brick through their window. Officers followed a trail of open gates and a house with an open front door. An occupant of that house identified himself as Daniel Robert Dinkins, who told the officers that he had gone swimming at the victims’ home and “threw a brick through the window.” Why? The 37-year-old Dinkins told investigators that he was a “time traveler” and “needed to save his neighbors from an event that is going to occur in the future.”
* Sam Beckett could have told him this never works.
* Why didn’t he warn them some idiot was going to throw a brick through their window? This is the paradox of time travel.
* Then he accidentally killed his own grandfather, and disappeared.
* Was he 37-years-old in current time or future time?
* First he travels in time, now he’s going to be doing time.

KRAFT MAKING SINGLE CHEESE SLICES EASIER TO OPEN

In a move that will rock the financial markets to their core and bring America’s enemies to their knees, Kraft Foods has announced that they are fixing one of the biggest complaints about its cheese slices. They’re making Kraft Singles “easier to open.” Yes, the plastic wrapper on each slice of cheese. In a press release, the company says the Number 1 complaint from customers has been the “inability to easily open the clear wrapper.” Now, a redesigned flap on each slice adds more texture and makes it easier to find, and it’s also thicker and sturdier so the cheese slice can be opened without tearing.
* “Tearing” (‘TAIR-ing’) like ripping, or “tearing” (‘TEER-ing’) like crying? Because both are appropriate in this case.
* Now we know what the people at Kraft were doing during the pandemic lockdown.
* Thirty years of complaining and they finally decided to respond. Thanks for the customer concern, Kraft.
* Aren’t you glad you live in a country that works to bring you more convenient cheese? Oh, you bet this will come with a price increase.
* Wrappers, shmappers. How ’bout a squeeze bottle?

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 29, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Wednesday – Flag Day
June 18, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 21, Wednesday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 10:58 a.m. EDT)
July 4, Tuesday – U.S. Independence Day
Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

John C. Reilly (actor, “Holmes & Watson”, “Stan & Ollie”, Wreck-it Ralph) … 58
Kristin Scott-Thomas (actress) … 63
Roseanne Cash (singer) … 68
Priscilla Presley (actress, ex-wife of Elvis) … 78
Patti LaBelle (singer) … 79
Gary Burghoff (actor, Radar from M*A*S*H) … 80
Bob Dylan (singer/songwriter) … 82
Tommy Chong (half of Cheech & Chong comedy team, sometimes appeared on “That 70s Show”) … 85

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.”

(A) Bill Clinton
(B) Pope Francis
(C) Bob Dylan

ANSWER: (C) Bob Dylan

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2016 – Bill Cosby was ordered to stand trial in a sexual assault case. Cosby’s first trial in June 2017 ended in a mistrial. At retrial on April 26, Cosby was found guilty of three counts of aggravated indecent assault.
* And we thought only his sweaters were offensive.

1995 – “Hollywood Madam” Heidi Fleiss was sentenced to three years in prison and fined $1,500 for running a call girl ring that catered to the rich and famous.
* You’re rich and famous and you can’t get your own girls? That’s PATHETIC!

1947 – The first commercial computer company was formed, by J. Presper Eckert and John W. Mauchly.
* Which was a big hit, judging by how many people today are using Eckert-Mauchly computers.

1935 – The first major-league baseball game played at night took place at Cincinnati’s Crosley Field as the Reds beat the Philadelphia Phillies 2-1.
* “Sorry coach, the … uh … the MOON was in my eyes! Yeah, that’s it.”

1921 – The first loaf of “Wonder Bread” was made.
* Yeah, and I think my sandwich yesterday from the radio station cafeteria was MADE with it.

1899 – The first auto repair shop opened, in Boston.
* “Can you help me? My car’s making a funny noise.” “Mister, it’s 1899. ALL cars make funny noises!”

1844 – Samuel F.B. Morse sent the first Morse Code telegraph message from Washington, D.C. to Baltimore, MD.
* Back then, using a series of dots and dashes, it took over five days to download a single dirty picture.

1830 – “Mary Had A Little Lamb” was written.
* “Hey, I could play this on a touch-tone phone. If … there was such a thing.”

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2009 – Billy Joel was being sued by his former drummer for hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid royalties. Liberty Devitto claimed that Joel hadn’t paid him proper royalties for 10 years of his work. The case was eventually settled – “amicably resolved,” said Joel’s legal team.

2003 – Paul McCartney made his first ever live performance in Russia when he appeared in front of 20,000 fans in Red Square.

2000 – A New York Judge told Pretenders singer Chrissie Hynde that if she wanted her March arrest for protesting the sale of leather goods in a Gap store dismissed, she’d better keep her nose clean for the next six months.

1997 – Hanson started a three week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “MMMBop,” the brothers’ first U.S. No.1.

1997 – The Spice Girls went to No.1 on the U.S. album chart with “Spice,” making them only the third all-girl group to do so after The Supremes and The Go-Go’s.

1994 – Bret Michaels of the rock band Poison was involved in a car crash in which he broke his nose, sternum, thumb, collarbone and upper jaw, and also lost four teeth.

1986 – Country singer Garth Brooks married Sandy Mahl. The couple divorced in 2000.

1980 – Genesis fans turning up at the Roxy Club box office in Los Angeles to buy tickets for an upcoming gig were surprised to find the band members Phil Collins, Tony Banks and Mike Rutherford selling the tickets themselves.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. THIS popular contemporary term was actually coined back in 1994. What is it?
“Social media”

2. If you were born after 1980, chances are you do THIS with your cell phone. What is it?
Carry your cell phone in your hand, throughout the day

3. Women are twice as likely as men to do THIS on Facebook. What is it?
Post a picture of themselves smiling

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