WEDNESDAY, Aug 3 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, August 3, 2022
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Crazy Mike; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

INTERNATIONAL BEER DAY

NATIONAL GRAB SOME NUTS DAY (Ouch!)
The National Day Calendar says this:
“There are many ‘nut’ days throughout the year such as National Almond Day, National Pistachio Day, National Pecan Day but today celebrates something to embrace them all, it is National Grab Some Nuts Day.”

NATIONAL WATERMELON DAY

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

DAYS INN INTRODUCES THE PUDDY PILLOW

The Days Inn hotel chain has hired actor and voiceover artist Patrick Warburton — famous as Elaine’s boyfriend David Puddy on “Seinfeld” — to be the voice of new talking pillows that are being placed in select Days Inns across the country. The “Hello Sunshine” pillows have a bright yellow pillow case, and when a guest hits a “press here” button on the top right-hand corner of the pillow, Warburton’s voice will give you a daily affirmation. Things like:
– “Whoa, those are some awesome PJs.”
– “I love having pillow talk with you.”
– “Wake up, wake up, wake up my favorite Days Inn guest.”
– “Mmmm … Have I told you your hair smells fabulous today? Yes, it does. I don’t know what you’re using, but it’s just amazing.”
Days Inn says they wanted a voice that was recognizable and that would instantly brighten guests’ days, and that’s why they went with Warburton.
* Besides, Gilbert Gottfried, you know, died.
* That clicking sound you hear is thousands of people going online to change their Days Inn reservations to Motel 6.
* I would have gone with Scarlett Johansson, but that’s just me.
* They could have had the pillow say some really great things. Like:
– “You snore louder than the air conditioner rattle.”
– “Did you know you drool in your sleep?”
– “Hey! Folks! This is not the proper use of a pillow!”

STUDIO TO SCRAP $90 MILLION “BATGIRL” MOVIE

Warner Bros. announced that they will not release the movie “Batgirl,” either theatrically or on HBO MAX. The movie, which is virtually complete, cost the studio $90 million. “Batgirl” was initially designed to be an HBO Max release, and then was being considered for theatrical distribution. It stars “In the Heights” breakout star Leslie Grace in the title role. The studio determined that, in spite of reshoots and increased budget, that the movie simply did not work, according to insiders. Those insiders added that, despite blowing $90 million on an unwatchable movie, studio brass loves the film’s directors and star, and are actively planning to work with them soon.
* And THAT, my friends, is a Hollywood promise you can count on!
* Did they try reshooting it with Ben Affleck as Batgirl?
* If only there were other superhero movies coming up to pick up the slack.
* So this year we’ll have 34 crappy movies instead of 35.
* Think outside the box here: They could probably recoup a few bucks on it by selling it to the Mystery Science Theater guys and letting them take a stab at it.

THE BUZZ

DO HOUSEWORK, LIVE LONGER

A study published in the British Medical Journal suggests that doing light physical activity such as housework each day is enough to substantially lower the risk of early death. Researchers from the University of Leicester reviewed eight previous studies and found that:
– Deaths fell steeply as levels of light-intensity activity increased – with every minute up to five hours offering additional benefits for a person’s well-being.
– When the intensity of physical activity increased to a moderate level, a similarly steep decrease in deaths occurred up to a plateau of just 24 minutes a day. Moderate-intensity activities include brisk walking, vacuuming or mowing the lawn.
Said Dr. Charlotte Edwardson, an associate professor at the university: “These findings really reinforce the saying ‘Doing something is better than doing nothing.’”
* Okay, Dr. Edwardson. Drop and give me 30 pushups.
* Here’s what I love about this study: a bunch of people sitting on their butts re-reading studies done by other people are telling us that we need to be more motivated.
* My house is a pit, but who wants to live forever?
* Housework, vacuuming, mowing the lawn – you may not live longer but it’ll sure feel like it.
* “They’ll find me dead, but I bet they notice how clean my house is.”
* This, from the nation that brought us butlers and maids.

U.S. NEWS

MAN TORCHES CAR DEALERSHIP OVER A LEMON HE BOUGHT 40 YEARS AGO

An Indiana man has been charged with arson after torching cars at two Fort Wayne dealerships. Why did he do it? Revenge. Police say, back on July 17, Dewey Fredrick, 79, showed up to O’Daniel Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep/Ram and set fire to a 2019 Jeep Compass. The fire quickly engulfed two other cars. Mr. Fredrick then went to O’Daniel Mazda down the road and set fire to a Pontiac Solstice. All told, Fredrick’s alleged actions caused roughly $84,000 in damages. When police caught him, he confessed to starting the fires, explaining that he did so because O’Daniel had sold him a Jeep with a bad motor – BACK IN 1986!!! – and then “refused to make it right.” Fredrick told the investigator “It was time for the chickens to return to roost.”
* Or roast, as it were.
* This is what they call a “slow burn.”
* “O’Daniel Motors – The Home of Red-Hot Deals!”
* I hate to break the news to him, but no Jeep in 1986 had a good motor.
* He really carried a torch for that car.
* On a brighter note, Mr. Fredrick now holds the Guinness Record for the World’s Longest Grudge.

MAN STARTS GRASS FIRE TRYING TO KILL SPIDER WITH FIRE

A Utah man ignited a 60-acre wildfire trying to kill a spider with a lighter. The suspect, who wasn’t immediately identified, was arrested Monday afternoon as 60 acres burned between Springville and Provo. Fire crews and two firefighting helicopters were able to keep the blaze under control. The fire did not destroy any buildings or prompt any evacuations. The man told responding deputies he had tried “using a lighter to burn a spider” before the blaze broke out. It’s unclear why the man resorted to using a lighter in his attempt to kill the spider.
* Unclear? If you don’t know, pal, then nobody can help you.
* Too lazy to go to the store for a can of Raid?
* Burning spiders with a lighter. ‘Cause pulling the wings off flies was getting old.
* “Firestarter 2: The Rise of Dumbass.”
* With spiders, you have two options: fire, or run away screaming like a little girl. And, no, I don’t carry a lighter.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

AUDIO: BRAZILIAN MAN IN E.R. AFTER GIVING HIMSELF A NOSE JOB

A Brazilian man ended up at the emergency room back on July 21st after attempting to perform a nose job on himself, using YouTube tutorials and super glue. The man, from Sao Paolo, told doctors that he used rubbing alcohol to disinfect the area, and veterinary anesthetic to numb the pain. After he was done “operating,” he used self-absorbing thread and superglue to close the wound. The man told doctors that he did not use any gloves to perform the procedure, and he didn’t clean the wound because he didn’t want to open his stitches. The wound became infected, and he went to the emergency room. Doctors cleaned of the wound, dressed it properly and gave the man guidance on helping it to heal.
* He was told to avoid playing “Got’cher Nose” for six weeks.
* Two words, dummy: Hydrogen Peroxide.
* This has got to be the worst TikTok challenge ever.
* On the internet, they call this “Michael Jacksoning.”
* He spends his days praying he won’t sneeze.
* This takes “cutting off your nose to spite your face” to a whole new level.
CLIP: This isn’t the first do-it-yourself surgery we’ve heard about. Here’s our classic “Lasik Yourself” parody spot.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(com)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/03-10-Lasik-DoItYourself(dot)mp3

NO EATING AT FOOD EXPO

If you’re going to next week’s annual Food Expo at the Convention Centre in Wan Chai, Hong Kong, eat a big breakfast first. There’s no eating allowed at this year’s Food Expo. A tasting ban has been put in place because of the pandemic. Susanna Sin (* sounds like a bondage mistress!), head of communications at the Trade Development Council which organizes the five-day expo, says they understand the public really wants to sample the food, but “we are still not at the point where we can take off our masks and eat freely anywhere.”
* In fact, don’t even waste your time going. Just send them the $20 admission fee and go do something else.
* Here’s an idea – puree every item in a blender, and give everyone a straw they can slip under their mask.
* How ’bout: Everybody takes their food into a specially designated Porta Potty, and when they’re done, you hose it out with bleach for the next person.
* Also remember, when you go to the museum, be sure to wear your blinders so you can’t see any of the pictures.
* “Welcome to the Hunger Games!”

TRENDING

DEV PATEL STOPS A KNIFE FIGHT

Actor Dev Patel helped break up a knife fight in Australia after he saw a man and a woman fighting. Footage of the star intervening in the conflict Monday appeared on Australian TV. Patel’s reps released a statement detailing the events: “We can confirm that last night, in Adelaide, Dev Patel and his friends witnessed a violent altercation that was already in progress outside of a convenience store. Dev acted on his natural instinct to try and de-escalate the situation and break up the fight. The group was thankfully successful in doing so and they remained on site to ensure that the police and eventually the ambulance arrived. There are no heroes in this situation and sadly this specific incident highlights a larger systemic issue of marginalized members of society not being treated with the dignity and respect they deserve. The hope is that the same level of media attention this story is receiving (solely because Dev, as a famous person, was involved) can be a catalyst for lawmakers to be compassionate in determining long-term solutions to help not only the individuals who were involved but the community at large.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 5, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Sunday – Patriot Day
Sept. 16, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 22, Thursday – Fall begins, Equinox is 9:04 p.m. EDT
Oct. 10, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Sunday – National Boss Day
Oct. 31, Monday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Evangeline Lilly (actress, “Ant-Man” movies) … 43
Tom Brady (Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB) … 45
James Hetfield (rock singer with Metallica) … 59
John Landis (director) … 72
Martha Stewart (lifestyle guru, convicted felon) … 81
Martin Sheen (actor, “The West Wing”) … 82
Tony Bennett (singer) … 96

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I was the Madonna of my day.”

(A) Barbra Streisand
(B) Liza Minnelli
(C) Tony Bennett

ANSWER: (C) Tony Bennett

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2008 – Actor Morgan Freeman and female passenger Demaris Meyer were badly injured when Meyer’s car, being driven by Freeman, ran off the road, flipped several times, and landed in a ditch. Days later, Freeman’s lawyer announced that Freeman and wife of 24 years, Myrna Colley-Lee, were divorcing. Meyer later sued Freeman over her injuries, and Freeman settled out of court.
* And thanks to the divorce and the lawsuit, Freeman has been forced ever since to make 200 movies a year.

1987 – The Iran-Contra congressional hearings ended, with none of the 29 witnesses tying President Reagan directly to the diversion of arms-sales profits to Nicaraguan rebels.
* Amazing stuff, that Teflon!

1981 – U.S. air traffic controllers went on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan that they would be fired.
* Don’t screw with someone who learned how to negotiate in Hollywood.

1958 – The nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater.
* A few sailors surfaced briefly to find out if they were on Santa’s “Naughty” and “Nice” lists.

1949 – The National Basketball Association was formed.
* It must have been pretty lame, with a bunch of white guys barely six feet tall.

1492 – Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that would take him to the present-day Americas.
* It was actually pretty easy, with the help of those directions from the Vikings.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2012 – Stevie Wonder’s representatives confirmed that the singer had filed for divorce, ending his 10-year marriage to Kai Millard Morris. The legal proceedings were initiated under his given name, Stevland Morris. Stevie’s first marriage to Syreeta Wright ended in 1972.

2007 – Queen guitarist Brian May handed in his astronomy PhD thesis – 36 years after abandoning it to join the band. May carried out observational work in the Canary Islands, where he studied the formation of “zodiacal dust clouds.”

1996 – Los Del Rio started a 14-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Macarena.”

1985 – Tears For Fears started a three-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Shout,” the duo’s second U.S. No.1.

1974 – Jeff Baxter quit Steely Dan and joined the Doobie Brothers.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 38 is the average age of someone who does THIS. What is it?
Files for bankruptcy

2. Recent statistics show that the average age for a person to buy THIS for the first time is 40. What is it?
A motorcycle

3. The average age of someone who has THIS job is 49. What is it?
A nurse

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