WEDNESDAY, Apr 19 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, April 19, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Field of Dreams Sale; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

GARLIC DAY

HUMOROUS DAY
The Giftypedia website says this:
“Humorous Day is a day to find the humor in any situation that happens to be thrown our way. A day to remind us to see the bright side and to realize that most things are really not as important as they at first may seem.”

NATIONAL AMARETTO DAY

NATIONAL HANGING OUT DAY

OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING COMMEMORATION DAY

PET OWNERS DAY

April is:

Car Care Month
Celebrate Diversity Month
D.E.A.R Drop Everything and Read Month
International Guitar Month
Jazz Appreciation Month
Keep America Beautiful Month
National Card and Letter Writing Month
National Garden Month
National Greyhound Adoption Month
National Humor Month
National Poetry Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

AUDIO: FOX WAS GOING TO USE “SIMPSONS” CLIPS AS EVIDENCE

Before Fox News settled their lawsuit with Dominion Voting Systems on Tuesday, the Fox legal team had submitted a list of evidence they were going to present at trial. Four of those pieces of evidence were – not making this up – clips from The Simpsons, which airs on Fox. While there was no context given on how the clips would be used, all of them revolved around voting. In three of the clips, Homer Simpson is shown considering a presidential candidate other than Donald Trump. A fourth clip shows Russian President Vladimir Putin voting for Trump. Presumably, because an animated show demonstrated how easy it was to rig a voting machine, Fox lawyers thought this would show how easy it is to do in the real world.
* And now the world will be denied this undeniably animated proof that the 2020 election was rigged.
* Fox thinks the Simpsons is a documentary?
* I think this happened ’cause Fox’s attorney was Lionel Hutz, the lawyer on The Simpsons.
* I know the expression “crazy as a Fox,” but is there one about being stupid?
* Actually, as historical records go, you could do a lot worse than the Simpsons. Fox news, for example.
CLIP: One of the “evidence” clips, from Season 20 Episode 4 Treehouse of Horror: Homer uses a rigged voting machine.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/HomerVotesOnRiggedMachine(dot)mp3

AUDIO: CHARLIE SHEEN TO WORK WITH PRODUCER CHUCK LORRE AGAIN

In an amazing reversal of how they last left things, Charlie Sheen will reunite with TV producer Chuck Lorre on the HBO Max series “How to Be a Bookie.” Deadline reported Tuesday that Sheen, 57, will have a recurring role on the upcoming comedy from Lorre. The news comes more than 10 years after Sheen left the CBS series “Two and a Half Men,” produced by Lorre. Sheen was fired from the show in Season 8 amid a public meltdown and disparaging remarks about Lorre. Lorre was so angry, in fact, the show featured a scene where a grand piano is comically dropped on Sheen’s character.
* Yeah – completely stolen from a Sylvester the Cat cartoon.
* There are two miracles here: Chuck Lorre is working with Charlie Sheen again. And Charlie Sheen is working.
* And he survived the piano squashing.
* Together again! Can a Johnny Depp/Amber Heard reunion be far behind?
CLIP: Remember 2012? This is what was going on: “Charlie Sheen Speak N Spell.”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/03-01-SheenSpekNSpll(dot)mp3

THE BUZZ

OZEMPIC CELEBRITY DREAMS

Back in the day, there was a drug to help you sleep called Ambien. It was very effective, but had the unusual side effect of making you sleepwalk. People were cooking, walking, driving, assaulting their spouses, all while sound asleep. Now, there’s a new drug also causing a weird side effect: Ozempic is an anti-diabetes medication, but people have found it’s also effective for weight loss. The side effect: users are reporting bizarre, vivid and eerily realistic dreams, many involving celebrities. The manufacturer, Novo Nordisk, says they’ve received reports of abnormal dreams among users of Ozempic, but they don’t have enough information to establish whether the drugs are causing the dreams. (* Uh-huh. Because this never came up in drug trials, right?) There are now social-media groups where people are sharing their Ozempic dreams. Some of the dreams:
– A woman dreamed she joined the cast of The Golden Girls.
– Someone was preparing to rob a museum with Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
– A woman told Dwayne Johnson, “I am carrying your baby,” and, judging by his reaction, was open to blending their families.
– A woman watched a parade of cows and bulls at a cattle auction with actor Matthew McConaughey. Then he started climbing atop the small pet llama she had brought, and she had to raise her voice to tell him to stop. “Fine, you can stay with your llama, I’m leaving!” Mr. McConaughey screamed before storming off.
– “Spent the night at Home Depot ordering new cabinets and appliances for my kitchen. My salesman, Clint Eastwood, helped me pick out everything I would need.”
– “Jonah Hill was waiting tables on a cruise, telling the diners that he had changed his name to “Sundaze” and planned to quit film acting for career as a nightclub performer.”
– Oprah Winfrey rode in a go-kart to rescue a man who was playing in a baseball game before a hostile crowd.
– A woman was about to give birth in a bar and wanted actor Will Ferrell, standing nearby, to deliver the baby.
– “Shopped for shoes with Jeff Goldblum.”
– “Went to an eye doctor with Johnny Depp.”
– “Toured North Korea with Minnie Pearl.”
– Argued about how to set up a tent with Kathie Lee Gifford, woke up after screaming, “I hate you, Kathie Lee Gifford!”
* That last one is actually very common, Ozempic or no Ozempic. Everyone has the “I hate you, Kathie Lee Gifford!” dream.
* How would I take Ozempic to have a dream with Scarlett Johansson?
* The manufacturer has a big problem here. They can’t figure out how to monetize this.
* And the celebrities are starting to ask for appearance fees.
PHONE TOPIC: Ozempic or not, have you have a weird celebrity dream?

U.S. NEWS

AUDIO: CEO TELLS EMPLOYEES TO “LEAVE PITY CITY” AND START SELLING!

A video clip has gone viral of a Zoom call of a woman named Andi Owens. She’s the CEO of MillerKnoll, a company that sells high-end office furniture, equipment, and home furnishings. Her employees – average salary $150,000 – had been complaining that she canceled their bonuses. Sales at the company dipped 4.4% in the most recent quarter ended March 4, while orders slumped 19%. In the “motivational” Zoom call, she says staff should focus on getting “the damn $26 million” the company needs and forget about the bonuses – stop living in “Pity City.” What she declines to mention is that she earned $4.9 million in 2022, and gave HERSELF a $6.4 million bonus.
* Ahh, bosses. You keep being you, okay?
* That’s why it’s called a bonus, folks. She’s out to BONE US.
* “Get with the program, people! I’m REALLY wanting a corporate jet!”
* Hey, Andi – if anybody brings in muffins on the next national Boss’s Day – don’t touch ’em.
* Where’s Pity City? Is that anywhere near Frown Town or Chillville or Frugality Municipality?
CLIP: A bit of Andi Owens motivational Zoom call.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/BossMotivation-PityCity(dot)mp3

BABY BREAKS THROUGH WHITE HOUSE FENCE

A toddler crawled through the black metal fence on the north side of the White House on Tuesday morning, setting off security alerts and prompting a swift response from the U.S. Secret Service. The agents were able to quickly secure the toddler and reunite him with his parents.
* They did pat the toddler down for a weapon. Bomb, no. Stink bomb in the diaper, yes.
* They also gave the parents the number of U.S. Special Ops, told them to have the kid think about it as a career.
* Don’t give the Oompa Loompas any ideas.
* Next they’re going to go downtown and show the baby some jewelry stores.

THE WICHITA YARD TOILET PROJECT

The city of Wichita, Kansas, along with HumanKind Ministries, has come up with a fundraising program for homeless services. It’s called Flush Away Poverty. Lowe’s home store donated around 200 toilets, then volunteers painted them. People donate $50 or $100 to send a painted toilet to a family member, friend, co-worker, or boss. Or just someone you hate. The recipient of the painted toilet can decide what to do next, either “flush” it back to the person that sent it to them, or “flush it forward” to somebody else. Either way, they pay money which goes right back to the city’s homeless services. Said Greer Cowley, director of community engagement for HumanKind Ministries, “We’re really wanting to start a movement.”
* Phrasing, Greer. Phrasing.
* With the painted toilets taking off, Greer is sittin’ pretty.
* And these yard toilets are different than all the other yard toilets in Wichita how?
* Lowe’s could have donated tools and supplies to build shelters, but unsold toilets seemed best.
* Well, go Wichita… I guess.

DEAD MAN SAVES LIFE

In Colorado, a man was transporting a dead body to be used for organ transplant down Interstate 70 around 3 a.m. on Jan. 27, when he was run off the road by another vehicle, and the hearse went off the snow-covered road. The front end of the hearse ended up, literally, hanging halfway off the road, over a cliff. The driver believes that the weight of the body he was transporting in the back may have helped prevent the car from teetering over the edge. The driver escaped unscathed, and declined medical treatment.
* They’re still trying to revive the dead guy.
* How’s the driver’s heart after all this?
* Did the dead guy still having his organs make the weight difference?
* Transporting a dead guy at 3 am. Not creepy at all.

KYLE, TEXAS, TO ATTEMPT WORLD GATHERING OF KYLES

The City of Kyle, Texas, is celebrating its name by attempting to gather at least 2,326 people named Kyle in the same place at the same time. The city announced its Gathering of Kyles will be held as part of the “Kyle Fair” May 19-21 at Lake Kyle Park. The event on May 21 will attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the largest same name gathering. The record was set by a gathering of 2,325 people named Ivan in Bosnia and Herzegovina in 2017. Kyles who sign in at the VIP tent before the attempt will receive a free T-shirt. Admittance to the fair is free. Kyle, Texas is located between Austin and San Antonio.
* Can you go if you’re named “Cal”? Cal with a Texas accent sounds like Kyle. You could get away with it.
* No, Kylie Jenner, not you. Kyle, not Kylie.
* It would make a fun weekend, because there’s lots to do in that part of Texas. Mostly driving.
* Sure, get a whole country mad at you. This isn’t going to end well.
* These records will stand as long as nobody tries this in a town named John or Mary.

TRENDING

WYNONNA JUDD DOCUMENTARY COMING APRIL 26

Paramount+ announced Tuesday that a feature-length documentary about singer Wynonna Judd is coming to the streaming service. “Wynonna Judd: Between Hell and Hallelujah” premieres April 26. The film follows Judd as she embarks on “The Judds: The Final Tour” following the death of her mother, Naomi, who died by suicide on April 30, 2022. The documentary also features Wynonna in private on her farm processing the grief of losing her mother. Ashley McBryde, Brandi Carlile, Faith Hill, Little Big Town, Kelsea Ballerini, Martina McBride and Trisha Yearwood also appear in the documentary. “It’s real and it’s raw,” Wynonna Judd said in a statement.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 14, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 29, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Wednesday – Flag Day
June 18, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 21, Wednesday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 10:58 a.m. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Ali Wong (actress, “American Housewife”) … 41
Hayden Christensen (actor, “Star Wars: Attack of the Clones,” “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith”) … 42
Kate Hudson (actress) … 44
James Franco (actor) … 45
Ashley Judd (actress, “Divergent” movies) … 55
Tim Curry (actor, “Spamalot,” “Rocky Horror Picture Show”) … 77

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I used to care about how I looked. Now I don’t care as much. Maybe it’s because I’m so handsome.”

(A) Quentin Tarentino
(B) Paul Giamatti
(C) James Franco

ANSWER: (C) James Franco

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2022 – U.S. inflation hit 8.5%, the highest since 1981, driven by a rise in gas prices, rent and food.
* At least we don’t have to pay for air. Yet.

2001 – The musical “The Producers” opened on Broadway.
* ‘Cause hey, if you can’t laugh at Hitler, what CAN you laugh at?

NOTED BUT NOT FIT FOR JOKES:
1995 – The bombing of the Oklahoma City Federal Building took place. 168 people were killed when a truck bomb exploded in front of the building.Convicted principal bomber Timothy McVeigh was executed on June 11, 2001; accomplice Terry Nichols was sentenced to 160 consecutive life without parole sentences; and Michael Fortier, an accomplice and key informant, was sentenced to 12 years in prison and fined $200,000. He was released for good behavior on January 20, 2006.

1993 – The 51-day siege of the Branch Davidian compound near Waco, Texas, ended as fire destroyed the structure after federal agents began smashing their way in.

1971 – Notorious criminal Charles Manson was sentenced to life in prison.
* For years, he still had a cult following. But then, so does Carrot Top.

1960 – Baseball uniforms began displaying player’s names on their backs.
* Which made the work of hecklers much easier.

1892 – Charles Duryea finished building the first American automobile, “The Buggyaut.”
* Which was quickly surpassed by “The Locomocarriage” and “The Moto-ambulawagon.”

1775 – The American Revolution began at Lexington Common, with the “shot heard round the world.”
* Followed by an even louder “Hey keep it down! People in Europe are trying to sleep!”)

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2014 – The White House refused to comment on a campaign to deport Justin Bieber from the US. Around 275,000 people had signed a petition on its website calling for the Canadian singer to be removed from the country.

2000 – Phil Collins won over $400,000 in a court case over royalties with two former members of his band. The judge ruled that they had been overpaid in error, but because the two musicians had no other income they would not have to pay it back.

1988 – Western pop music was allowed onto Chinese radio for the first time.

1988 – Sonny Bono was inaugurated as the Mayor of Palm Springs.

1986 – Prince started a two-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Kiss.” He also wrote the No.2 song “Manic Monday” by The Bangles, under the pseudonym “Christopher.”

1980 – For the first time ever, the top five artists on the U.S. country chart were all female: Crystal Gayle, Dottie West, Debbie Boone, Emmylou Harris and Tammy Wynette.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to surveys, THIS is is the least favorite topic of conversation for men. What is it?
Clothing

2. According to psychologists, THIS is the #1 thing men lie about. What is it?
Their height

3. By age 50, over half of all men have THIS. What is it?
Male pattern hair loss

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