Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WOMAN WINS BIGGEST-EVER PRIZE ON “THE PRICE IS RIGHT”
Have your pets spayed or neutered.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
AMC THEATRES LAUNCHES LIVE CONCERT BUSINESS
Next step: hologram concerts.
BRITNEY SPEARS GETS A YEAR PROBATION
Wet reckless.
JEFF BEZOS SELLING $500 MILLION YACHT
Lauren Sánchez’ wooden breasts included.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
BARBIE POSTAGE STAMPS
Ken shafted again.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
Pirate walks into a bar.
He has a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “what’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?”
Pirate says, “Arr, there’s Bounty on me head.”
What did Salvador Dali eat for breakfast each morning?
Surreal.
Boss says, “Kid, I’m sorry, you’re just not cut out to be a mime.”
Kid goes, “Was it something I said?”
Boss says, “Yes”.
What celebrity gives colonoscopies?
Cameron Diaz.
Psychiatrist has a new patient.
He tells him, “I have to do an assessment about your habits. Do you drink?”
The patient says, “No.” “Smoke?” “No.” “Do drugs?” “No.” “Cheat on your wife?” “Never.” “Amazing,” says the shrink. “Any bad habits at all?” The patient says, “Yeah. Lying.”
U.S. NEWS
DRUNK MAN ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A CALL ON HIS SHOE
Get smart, buddy.
MAN ATTACKS COUPLE FOR TURNING OFF THEIR WI-FI, WHICH HE WAS USING
The nerve of some people.
MAYOR FIRES ENTIRE POLICE FORCE FOR HURTING HIS WIFE’S FEELINGS
Help wanted: sycophants.
COUPLE FINED $1 MILLION FOR CUTTING DOWN PROTECTED TREES
He’s a lumberjack, and he’s not o.k.
TWO ALLIGATORS FIGHTING ON THE LANAI
Note to self: mesh screening does not stop alligators.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
MAN WALKS INTO HOSPITAL WITH A MACHETE IN HIS HEAD
Not an episode of The Pitt.
AUDIO: DRIVER CRASHES INTO MURAL THAT LOOKS LIKE A TUNNEL ENTRANCE
© Looney Tunes (1954)
TIMMY THE WHALE, R.I.P.
Aw, quit your blubberin’!
10 ARRESTED FOR CLAIMING THEIR GENITALS WERE STOLEN
She turned me into a newt!
AUDIO: FRENCH PRESIDENT SINGS, ARMENIAN PRESIDENT PLAYS DRUMS DURING DINNER
Give it up for Macron & Pashinyanfunkel!
HOW KIDS SUBVERT WEBSITE AGE VERIFICATION: FAKE MUSTACHES
Hello, fellow adults!
MUST LOVE DOGS
Hot diggety!
TIMMY THE WHALE IS BACK OUT TO SEA
“Is anyone here a marine biologist?”
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Sergeant, The Enemy Is Using Logs
Leprechaun Convention?
Coming Soon
Pin Heads
Bartender Ready To Party
Well… Crap.
THE BUZZ
HOMEWORK EXCUSES
Demons were summoned.
MOST POPULAR U.S. ATHLETES AROUND THE WORLD
What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?
WILD WEDDING STORIES
Holy 𝗆̶𝖺̶𝗍̶𝗋̶𝗂̶𝗆̶𝗈̶𝗇̶𝗒̶ cow!
DUMB HEADLINES
Have listeners vote for the dumbest one.
AWFUL THINGS GUESTS HAVE DONE AT YOUR HOUSE
And don’t come back.
AMERICANS HAVE FEWER FRIENDS
It it “fewer” friends or “less” friends?
TERRIFYING NOISES
MOOMP MOOMP MOOMP MOOMP…BLAAARP.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THE SHEEP DETECTIVES
Starts Friday, May 8 in theaters.
MORTAL KOMBAT 2
Starts Friday, May 8 in theaters.
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA 2
Starts Friday, May 1 in theaters.
HOKUM
Starts Friday, August 1 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 8.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Putting Green
Big Al and Big Mike … who’s the bigger putz?
SONG PARODY: TANK OF GAS
What decade is this again?
STAR WARS BABIES
Baby Yoda!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 1.
HEADLINE PARK 2026
For air May 1. The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday, May 2!
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Save 112 Percent
Ordinarily, Al and Mike can’t even pay people to take their cars – but during this sale, they will!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 24.
RETRO SONG: BLACK OR WHITE, BY MICHAEL JACKSON
One or our classics.
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S WEDDING ALBUM
Here comes the groom!
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S FACE MELT
Tito, get me a towel.
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON: THE WHITE ALBUM
Michael sings the whites.
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