VANDAL TERRORIZES TOWN WITH BAKED BEANS

A mystery vandal has been covering doorsteps, homes and cars in Wornish, England with baked beans. Police in the town of 3,000 have received reports of incidents where beans and other foods have been poured onto residents’ front doors and cars overnight. Officers have been posting pictures of the crime scenes. In one picture, four empty cans of Heinz beans are discarded near a doorstep covered with little orange beans. Another shows a grey car with sauce dribbling down the driver’s window, leaving an unsightly orange smudge. Local officers say they will be patrolling the area and keeping an eye out for anything suspicious.
* Just beans? No wienies?
* The British love beans on toast, so over there, they’re saying “Just beans? No toast?”
* Well, the guy uses Heinz beans exclusively. I’d call that a clue. A delicious, delicious clue.
* This is Bush league, man. BUSH LEAGUE. Bush league. I’m making a joke, does anybody get it?
* In Wornish, things are a little worn down. Not a lot. Just Worn-ish.