UNIVERSALLY BELOVED CELEBRITIES

The husband says, “Let’s put a dollar in this jar every time we make love. Then we’ll count it on our first anniversary.” A year later, they empty the jar and there’s a lot of money. A bunch of singles, and quite a few 10’s and 20’s. Husband says, “Where did the 10’s and 20’s come from?” Wife says, “Not everybody’s as cheap as you.”

A man in a wheelchair goes to the grotto of Lourdes, France, where the Virgin Mary appeared.

posted August 25

There is a pool of holy water. The man rolls up to the pool, praying “Hail Mary, please perform a miracle for me,” rolls into the pool and out the other side. Then he tries to stand up but can’t. He asks the priest “Father, why Mary didn’t answered my prayer?” The priest says, “Oh, but a miracle has happened, look at your wheelchair. It has new wheels”

Did you hear about the man who died trying to climb Mt. Everest?

posted August 24

They just found Himalayan there.

What happens when a frog runs out of gas?

posted August 21

It has to be toad.

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident.

posted August 20

Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither one is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God.” The rabbi says, “And look – another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest says, “Aren’t you having any?” The rabbi says, “No…l think I’ll wait for the police.”