TUESDAY, Aug 22 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR TUESDAY, August 22, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: CONTEST – TIME WARP: TALKING DOGS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BE AN ANGEL DAY
The National Today website says this:
“Be An Angel Day — observed on August 22 each year, pushes us to become someone’s angel of sorts. Whether it is a grand gesture (sponsoring someone’s education) or small (saying ‘thank you’ when someone helps you), a good gesture goes a long way towards sending goodwill out into the world. By supporting someone in need (or recalling someone who supported you), you celebrate the essence of this day.”

EAT A PEACH DAY

NATIONAL TAKE YOUR CAT TO THE VET DAY
(* Really? Everybody? On the same day? That’s going to get crowded.)

NATIONAL TOOTH FAIRY DAY (Also celebrated on February 28)
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“Esther Watkins Arnold brought the tooth fairy to life in an eight-page playlet in 1927 called The Tooth Fairy. Schools began performing Arnold’s play the following year, and children, primed with vivid imaginations, placed their freshly lost teeth under their pillows at night in the hopes of a visit from the tooth fairy.”

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

BURNING MAN MAY BE CANCELED DUE TO WATER

The Burning Man festival may have to be canceled because of water. Yes, Irony Alert. The site of the festival, Black Rock City in Northern Nevada, was hit by Storm Hilary less than a week before it is set to begin. Black Rock City was hit with floods and roads leading into the festival grounds were closed. If the area doesn’t dry out by the weekend, it’s going to be a mess for the 80,000 people expected to attend.
* Would you rather have it wet, or 104 degrees?
* Maybe change it to Soggy Man?
* Free mud baths for everyone!
* So along with your tent and camping supplies, bring some waders.

THE BUZZ

COMPANY WELLNESS PROGRAMS DON’T WORK

Health insurers and fitness gurus have been saying for a long time that workplace wellness programs can reduce medical spending, increase productivity and improve well-being. However, a study from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign found little evidence to support those claims. Researchers randomly selected people to participate in a wellness program at a workplace of more than 12,000 employees and achieved no measurable improvement in worker absenteeism, productivity or general level of health. While past studies have shown people enrolled in wellness plans improved their health, this new study suggests they did so only because those who join voluntarily are already more likely to be healthy. The programs have one measurable benefit, according to the study. They make employees think their employers care about them.
* Well, the dumb employees think that. Everybody else knows the companies just set up wellness programs to lower their healthcare premiums.
* Take the money you’re wasting on wellness and spend it on daily donuts and raises. Your employees will love you.
* How about putting the donuts and money out back, at the top of a two-mile hill?
* Haven’t employers figured this out yet? When you’re at work, all you really want to do is go home.

U.S. NEWS

FEDEX DELIVERY MAN KILLS HOMEOWNER’S RATTLESNAKE

In Dawson County, Nebraska, a FedEx delivery driver killed a rattlesnake on the porch he was delivering a package to. Ring doorbell footage shows the snake laying on the front steps before curling up off to the side. Matt from FedEx arrived to drop off a box and found the 3-foot long snake when he set down the package. He spotted some garden tools, grabbed a rake and a shovel, came back, killed the snake and cleared away the remains. The homeowner, Christie Jones, texted, “Thank you, Matt. My solution may have involved burning my house to the ground.”
* “Fangs for the favor!”
* FedEx delivers, the package AND a death blow.
* Shake, rattle and DIE.
* There are fewer porch pirates in Dawson County, Nebraska, for some reason, I hear.
* Amazon will squash a spider for you, for an extra five bucks.

WOMAN INJURED WALKING INTO HEALING TEMPLE

A Boston woman was injured when she dropped about 10 feet below street level when the concrete entryway of the Bethlehem Healing Temple Church collapsed late Friday night. Firefighters said the space under the sidewalk leading into the church was hollow. The woman was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries.
* She needs to sue the church, for false advertising.
* Technically, she wasn’t actually IN the church yet.
* So she comes back on crutches and says, “Okay, make with the healing.”
* I bet she felt like she was reenacting the final scene in “Drag Me To Hell.”
* Coulda been worse. Could have fallen through to the sewer.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

ARSON SUSPECT HAD BABY DUCKS IN HIS PANTS

A man was arrested Sunday in Australia for allegedly having started a dozen small fires, and when police caught him they discovered he had two live ducklings in his underwear. Police arrested the 31-year-old man in Frankston, just south of Melbourne. At least 12 fires had been reported in one area over the weekend. After searching the suspect, who had no fixed address, police found two live ducklings in his underwear. Besides the arson charges, he is facing charges of animal cruelty.
* This guy’s daffy!
* Baby ducks in your underwear. That’s fowl.
* Police put the arson charge on his bill. His BILL. Because of the DUCKS.
* The duck in his pants wasn’t a metaphor, right?
* What kind of pants were they? Duckers?

IRONMAN ATHLETES DROWN

An investigation is planned after two triathletes drowned at an Ironman event in Ireland on Sunday. The 1.2 mile swim portion of the competition took place in the Celtic Sea near the city of Cork. The sea was angry that day, my friends. A video of the start of the race showed racers struggling to get into the sea and large waves crashing into them. A woman, Erin Gamble, says she was one of the competitors and called for help out of the water and that she had “never felt so scared.” Safety personnel provided immediate medical attention upon recognizing the athletes were in need of assistance, yet they could not get to the two men in time.
* And naturally, neither one wanted turn around and go back in front of the other one.
* Of course they had trouble swimming. It’s right there in the name: IRON MAN. Unless you’re built like a battleship, you’re going down.
* Have they tried renaming the race “CorkMan,” since it’s held in Cork? I feel that might help.
* Finally, a beach story with no sharks, and THIS happens.

RUSSIA MOON MISSION CRASHES

Over the weekend, Russia’s attempt at a lunar landing crashed on the surface. In typical Russian fashion, the state propagandist media tried to put a good spin on it. Tsargrad-TV noted that the Russian space program had been “generally very successful,” but talking about the crash it said, “The first pancake is often lumpy.”
* So, they’re trying to distract us with food?
* How about “Our lunar lander successfully reached the surface at an impressive rate of speed.”
* So, don’t go to the moon in a Russian lander, and when in a Russian restaurant, don’t order pancakes.
* The Russian space team has some other sayings:
– Vodka and slide rules don’t mix.
– Don’t walk near a high window for awhile.
– Can’t we blame this on Ukraine?

TRENDING

CHARLIZE THERON: NO PLASTIC SURGERY, JUST GETTING OLD

Charlize Theron tells Allure magazine in a recently published interview: “My face is changing, and I love that my face is changing and aging.” Yet, she says, “People think I had a facelift. They’re like, ‘What did she do to her face?’ I’m like, ‘B***h, I’m just aging! This is just what happens.’”

ED SHEERAN VISITS CASA BONITA

Ed Sheeran brought his tour to Denver, Colorado over the weekend. While he was there, he made it to the infamous Casa Bonita restaurant, the tourist site made famous by South Park and recently restored by creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Sheeran posted on Instagram, “When in Colorado, Casa Bonita is a must.” He went through Black Bart’s Cave, watched the cliff divers, took a photo in the fake jail, listened to music, and of course, ate the newly revamped food.

VOICE OF MARIO RETIRING

Charles Martinet, the original voice of Nintendo mascot Mario, is retiring from the role. Martinet has been the original voice of Mario in Nintendo games as far back as Super Mario 64, in 1996. Since then, Martinet has portrayed Mario in every speaking appearance across all mediums, with only one exception: in 2023’s Super Mario Bros Movie, Chris Pratt played Mario. However, Martinet made a cameo in the role of Mario and Luigi’s dad, Giuseppe. In addition to playing Mario, Marinet also does the voices for Wario, Luigi and Waluigi.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 15, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 9, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Monday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Tuesday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

James Corden (multi-talented ex-host of “The Late Late Show”) … 45
Kristen Wiig (actress, comedian, “Ghostbusters,” “Saturday Night Live”) … 50
Howie Dorough (singer with the Backstreet Boys) … 50
Ty Burrell (actor, “Duncanville,” “Modern Family,” ignited the controversy over Bill Cosby by telling his comedy act audiences Cosby was “a rapist.”) … 56
Tori Amos (singer/songwriter, born Myra Amos) … 60
Debbi Peterson (drummer with the Bangles, “Manic Monday”) … 62

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I don’t care about awards and all the attention being a ‘celebrity’ gets you. It’s just part of the job.”

(A) Kanye West
(B) Kim Kardashian
(C) James Corden

ANSWER: (C) James Corden

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1989 – The first complete ring around Neptune was discovered.
* Martha Stewart phoned astronomers to say “You just soak that with some lemon juice and that ring will come right out.”

1960 – Two dogs returned from a successful mission in space.
* Their owner promised not to throw the stick so far next time.

1865 – Liquid soap was invented.
* Next they had to invent a way for it to stop leaking out of the little cardboard cartons.

1853 – Theodore Roosevelt became the first president of the United States to ride in an automobile.
* It was pretty exciting, and it very nearly went as fast as a horse.

1771 – The first “little person” ever seen in the U.S. was exhibited in Boston.
* Outside was a sign: “You have to be this tall to enter this exhibit.”

565 A.D. – The first ever sighting of the Loch Ness monster was recorded.
* Of course, that was in the days when Nessie was just knee high to a dinosaur.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2014 – John Lennon’s killer, 59-year-old Mark David Chapman, was denied parole by New York State officials for the eighth time. In handing down their decision, the parole board said, “Your release would be incompatible with the welfare of society and would so deprecate the serious nature of the crime as to undermine respect for the law.”

2005 – 50 Cent was suing a U.S. car dealer for allegedly using his name in an ad without permission. He described himself in the legal action as a “hugely successful” artist “known for his good looks, ‘gangsta’ image and hard knocks success story.” The rapper was seeking more than a million dollars from Gary Barbera Enterprises for a Dodge Magnum ad with the line “Just Like 50 Says” alongside a photo of him.

2003 – Kjell Henning Bjoernestad, a Norwegian Elvis Presley impersonator, set a world record by singing the rock ‘n’ roll legend’s hits non-stop for over 26 hours. The previous record was set by British Elvis fan Gary Jay, who sang for 25 hours 33 minutes and 30 seconds.

1987 – Madonna went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Who’s That Girl,” her sixth U.S. No.1.

1978 – Sex Pistol Sid Vicious made his last live stage appearance at London’s Electric Ballroom. In the audience: Elvis Costello, Blondie, and Joan Jett.

1970 – Bread went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Make It With You,” the group’s only No.1 hit.

1970 – Creedence Clearwater Revival started a nine-week run at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with “Cosmo’s Factory.”

1964 – The Supremes started a two-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Where Did Our Love Go,” the group’s first No.1.

1962 – The first TV appearance of The Beatles was recorded by Manchester-based Granada TV, which filmed a lunchtime session at The Cavern Club in Liverpool. It was broadcast on October 17, 1962.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. More than 90% of men surveyed say they do THIS at least 3 times a week. What is it?
Hold a door open for a woman

2. According to GQ Magazine, 27% of men surveyed admitted they have tried on or worn THIS, but would never admit it. What is it?
Lipstick

3. 47% of men surveyed said they have accidentally done THIS. What is it?
Said “I love you”

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