TUESDAY ALMANAC – May 12 – MORNING SIDEKICK

He has a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “what’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?” Pirate says, “Arr, there’s Bounty on me head.”

What did Salvador Dali eat for breakfast each morning?

posted May 8

Surreal.

Boss says, “Kid, I’m sorry, you’re just not cut out to be a mime.”

posted May 7

Kid goes, “Was it something I said?” Boss says, “Yes”.

What celebrity gives colonoscopies?

posted May 6

Cameron Diaz.

U.S. NEWS

TARGET TO REPLACE SHOPPING CARTS TO WIN CUSTOMERS BACK

That’s just how they roll.

WOMAN PULLS OUT HER DENTURES DURING ARGUMENT

Don’t bark if you can’t bite.

BARBERS SUE BAR CALLING ITSELF “THE BARBER SHOP”

There’ll be hell toupee.

KIDS STEAL OVER 100 HOT DOGS FROM SCHOOL

Quick, put air tags on the buns.

DRUNK MAN ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A CALL ON HIS SHOE

Get smart, buddy.

MAN ATTACKS COUPLE FOR TURNING OFF THEIR WI-FI, WHICH HE WAS USING

The nerve of some people.

MAYOR FIRES ENTIRE POLICE FORCE FOR HURTING HIS WIFE’S FEELINGS

Help wanted: sycophants.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

TOUR COMPANY REFUNDS FAMILY $1200 BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T FIND POOL CHAIRS

Who are we to sit in judgment?

MAN WALKS INTO HOSPITAL WITH A MACHETE IN HIS HEAD

Not an episode of The Pitt.

AUDIO: DRIVER CRASHES INTO MURAL THAT LOOKS LIKE A TUNNEL ENTRANCE

TIMMY THE WHALE, R.I.P.

Aw, quit your blubberin’!

10 ARRESTED FOR CLAIMING THEIR GENITALS WERE STOLEN

She turned me into a newt!

AUDIO: FRENCH PRESIDENT SINGS, ARMENIAN PRESIDENT PLAYS DRUMS DURING DINNER

Give it up for Macron & Pashinyanfunkel!

HOW KIDS SUBVERT WEBSITE AGE VERIFICATION: FAKE MUSTACHES

Hello, fellow adults!

MUST LOVE DOGS

Hot diggety!

FUNNY PICTURES

Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.

Spider Cat

posted May 13

Magnificent Goat

posted May 13

Sergeant, The Enemy Is Using Logs

posted May 11

Leprechaun Convention?

posted May 11

Coming Soon

posted May 8

Pin Heads

posted May 8

THE BUZZ

HALF OF AMERICANS NOT HAVING ENOUGH FUN

To whee! or not to whee!

IT SEEMED LUXURIOUS AS A CHILD

We spoil you kids.

USEFUL LIFEHACKS

Who has ten minutes anymore?

FOR A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP, PAINT YOUR BEDROOM BLUE

It’s true – ask Sherwin Williams.

OCEAN CRUISE EMERGENCY CODES

Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.

HOMEWORK EXCUSES

Demons were summoned.

MOST POPULAR U.S. ATHLETES AROUND THE WORLD

What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?

WILD WEDDING STORIES

Holy 𝗆̶𝖺̶𝗍̶𝗋̶𝗂̶𝗆̶𝗈̶𝗇̶𝗒̶ cow!

NEW MOVIES

Click on name for details and audio clips

OBSESSION

Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.

IN THE GREY

Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.

IS GOD IS

Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.

THE WIZARD OF THE KREMLIN

Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.

Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.

A & M AUTOLAND – Service

Which will have a breakdown first – your new car from A & M, or Big Mike?

THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

For Friday, May 8.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

Funny fake sponsorship announcements

A & M AUTOLAND – Putting Green

Big Al and Big Mike … who’s the bigger putz?

SONG PARODY: TANK OF GAS

What decade is this again?

STAR WARS BABIES

Baby Yoda!

THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

For Friday, May 1.

HEADLINE PARK 2026

For air May 1. The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday, May 2!

PROMOS-TO-GO

Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts

A & M AUTOLAND – Save 112 Percent

Ordinarily, Al and Mike can’t even pay people to take their cars – but during this sale, they will!

THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

For Friday, April 24.

RETRO SONG: BLACK OR WHITE, BY MICHAEL JACKSON

One or our classics.

RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S WEDDING ALBUM

Here comes the groom!

RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S FACE MELT

Tito, get me a towel.

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