THURSDAY, Aug 24 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, August 24, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: BROUGHT TO YOU BY

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

INTERNATIONAL STRANGE MUSIC DAY
The Days of the Year website says this:
“International Strange Music Day was created by Patrick Grant, a New York City musician. The premise is simple: to get people to play and listen to types of music they have never experienced before. The ‘strange’ part can mean either unfamiliar or bizarre – the choice is entirely yours. Patrick believes broadening people’s musical spectrums can also change the way we look at other aspects of life – his mantra is ‘listening without prejudice.’”

NATIONAL PEACH PIE DAY

NATIONAL WAFFLE DAY

UKRAINE INDEPENDENCE DAY

August is:

Black Business Month
Family Fun Month
International Peace Month
National Back to School Month
National Catfish Month
National Crayon Collection Month
National Goat Cheese Month
National Golf Month
National Panini Month
National Peach Month
National Sandwich Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites.

THURSDAY, Aug 24

“How to Blow Up a Pipeline”
Hulu – Theatrical Release
Synopsis: This under-the-radar movie, a hit among critics, follows a group of youngsters who band together to take out a controversial oil pipeline, tiptoeing the line between environmental activism and domestic terrorism.

THE BUZZ

THREE DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.
Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “Miley Cyrus Is Convincing Us to Only Use the Top Button of Our Shirts”
2. “9 Best Places To Cry Inside The Pentagon”
3. “So That’s Why Your Eyebrows Thin As You Get Older”
And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “13 Cucumber Salads You’ll Want to Make Forever”

MAD FOR TEACHER

Reddit asked, “What is something your teacher did that you’re still cheesed about?” Some of the responses:
– “My English teacher admitted to marking down all my work by a grade because ‘I think you could do better.’ Caused me to stop even trying.”
– “Took my cute animal erasers in first grade. I’ll never forget that.”
– “Never gave my art a higher grade than a B+. Even though she would show my art to everyone (to demonstrate) how to correctly apply a technique or what she wanted from everyone else. Not good enough for an A, but ‘this is perfect and it’s what I want everyone to do.'”
– “I had left my calculator on my desk in physics class and the teacher took it. I had engraved my initials on it so it was unmistakable. He always asked me during class if I had my calculator and I told him I still couldn’t find it. At the end of school year, another student was snooping through his desk and found my calculator.”
– “The 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grades were doing a week of square dance, then at the end of the week on Friday, we were going to have a recital and do a performance. I was leaving for vacation that would be starting that Friday, so I couldn’t be in the recital. Instead of letting me participate, my teacher made me sit in a darkened classroom alone doing vocabulary words, listening to the muffled sounds of Cotton Eyed Joe, stomping, and laughing coming from the hallway. For 4 days straight.”
– “Middleschool gym teacher. For the presidential fitness test, i decided i was going to do as many situps as i could without stopping. Made it to 200 before he said ‘you know i can only mark up to 50, right?'”
– “Gave me a 0 on a test because my pencil broke. She wouldn’t let me sharpen it, or use another pencil. ‘You should have been prepared’ was her reasoning.”
* “I’m half deaf. I was in social studies class, my teacher asked me a question, didn’t hear her I said ‘What?,’ she yelled at the top of her lungs “Will you effing listen!”
– “High school psychology teacher ‘evaluated’ me in front of the whole class as ‘mentally troubled’ and told everyone that I’m ‘an undiagnosed ADD-case with 99% certainty.’ And because she was a psych teacher, everyone took her word for it. As an adult, got myself tested and they definitely ruled out ADD.”
– “Math teacher asked the class a question, I confidently put my hand up and gave what I thought was the correct answer. Teacher looks at me and says, ‘Not everything has to be a joke, Mark.’ That truly crushed my spirit and I never put my hand up to answer another question all year.”
– “I won a toy as a prize in some sort of class raffle, the teacher confiscated it off me forever for playing with it at lunch time in the playground. I was in grade 3.”
* These all sound like life in a British boarding school.
* One way or another, something was learned that day.
* C’mon, parents! Where’s the outrage? We need cameras in every classroom!
* Thanks, Reddit, for helping us celebrate Back to School time.
* PHONE TOPIC: Are you still angry at a teacher for doing something unfair to you?

SURVEY: NEVER SAY “MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME”

According to a new survey of 2,000 Americans by Avocado Green Mattresses, 72% have told a guest to “make yourself at home” – and 91% of those have regretted it afterward. The reasons: houseguests expect more meals than planned, they overstay their welcome, and they make a mess (39%).
– Who makes the worst guests? The survey says: friends (42%), siblings (39%) and in-laws (37%).
* PHONE TOPIC: My Houseguest From Hell.

U.S. NEWS

GEORGIA MAN STEALS NEIGHBOR’S FRONT PORCH

A Georgia man is accused of stealing a full wooden porch from his neighbor. The porch owner said that while his property may have an abandoned look, the 8′ by 10′ porch was not up for grabs – although the porch was not attached to a home at the time of the alleged theft. Robin Swanger of Coweta County faces a felony charge for the theft.
* About time they cracked down on porch pirates.
* In this neighborhood, you have to watch your step.
* He stole a porch? What a stoop!
* The owner says he is taking steps to get it back.
* Now his outhouse is missing.

POLICE CHASE STOLEN ROLLS-ROYCE

An unknown driver led police on a chase Wednesday, in a Rolls-Royce. California Highway Patrol began chasing what looks to be a Rolls-Royce Phantom on the westbound 210 Freeway through the city of Arcadia. A helicopter covered the chase from the sky. The unknown driver maneuvered the huge luxury car through the streets of downtown LA until the driver whipped the 19-foot-long Phantom into a parking garage and apparently bailed out of the car, because police could not locate the suspect. The Rolls-Royce had been reported stolen earlier in the day.
* So the driver of the Phantom made like a phantom and disappeared.
* 19 feet long??? That’s some serious compensation going on.
* Instead of The Fast and the Furious it was The Flush and the Prosperous.
* If they ever catch Mr. Monopoly there, he’s going to jail, going directly to jail, without passing go.
* I don’t know. I would have been more impressed with a Lamborghini. That’s the real LA status car.
* The real crime here is what that parking garage charges.

FISHING KID REELS IN WALLET WITH $2000

A Minnesota teen was fishing while on vacation with his family when he reeled in a wallet stuffed with cash. (* Ah – the elusive greenback!) Connor Halsa, 14, was fishing on Lake of the Woods along the northern tip of Minnesota when he landed his catch. They counted up the cash – $2,000 and quickly agreed that they should try to return the money to its original owner. In the wallet was a moss-covered business card that led them to Jim Denney, a farmer in Iowa. Denney said he was fishing on the lake a year ago when a sudden current knocked his wallet out of his back pocket. Denney kindly suggested that the teen keep the money for himself. But Connor insisted on returning it, so Farmer Denney instead took the teen’s family out for dinner.
* Although the kid insisted on eating at the Hard Rock Cafe in New York City, so it was all a bit of a wash.
* That $2,000 could have paid for about a week of college.
* He’s lucky the game warden didn’t make him throw the money back because it wasn’t big enough.
* A farmer out fishing with a wallet full of $2,000 in cash. What’s he growing? Weed?
* It’s like that famous old saying: Give a boy a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a boy to fish and his whole family will get a trip to Outback.

PILOT FLIES PLANE, MOM IS A FLIGHT ATTENDANT

On a recent United Airlines flight from Washington, D.C. to Madrid, Spain, pilot Cole Doss announced that it was the first time in his two years at United that he was flying the plane where his mother was on board as a flight attendant. Cole’s mom has been a flight attendant at United for more than 45 years. His dad also worked in aviation and his sister is also a flight attendant. But his mom was working this flight. Captain Cole told the passengers, “I’m especially honored and excited to be able to fly her for the first time today. To my mom, I love you. And to everyone on board, welcome aboard our family-friendly skies.”
* “I’m Cole’s mom. Fly me.”
* Is there anything worse than in-flight home movies?
* Just TRY ordering a third drink. Oh, the mean and disappointed look she’ll give you.
* “We’re expecting some turbulence, so if you could please fasten your seat belts. And if you don’t, my mom is going to come knock you senseless and take you down. Remember – this is United.”
* Isn’t Cole Doss the name of an alien mercenary on the new “Ahsoka” show?

CDC ISSUES TURTLE KISSING WARNING

The Center for Disease Control has issued notice of a Salmonella Outbreak that has been linked to small turtles – the little green turtles that you used to be able to buy. Now there are laws to stop the sale of smaller turtles but still, they find their way to becoming pets. The CDC warns that any turtle can carry Salmonella germs that can spread to you and make you sick, but the small green turtles are a known source of the illness. Avoid letting your pet turtle near your food and don’t kiss or snuggle with your turtle.
* And never – EVER – accept a backrub from your parakeet.
* Well, this explains the bout of diarrhea, abdominal cramps and vomiting when I was six.
* What the hell are they smoking at the CDC?
* Don’t snuggle with your turtle? As if they can even feel a hug through their shells.
* Teenage Mutant Frenchkiss Turtles.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

AUSTRALIAN WOMAN, 110, STILL GOES TO THE GYM THREE TIMES A WEEK

A woman believed to be Australia’s oldest living person still goes to the gym three times a week. Catherina van der Linden will turn 111 on Saturday. Van der Linden said she’s been able to live for as long as she has because of her active lifestyle. She said she goes to the gym three times a week and goes on walks whenever she can. She sometimes hits the exercise bike for 10 minutes. Her advice: “Keep moving, don’t sit still.”
* Also: “Don’t leave your dentures on the leg machine.”
* Ten minutes on an exercise bike? Where’s the commitment?
* Sometimes, when she’s not feeling the energy, she just drives her rascal scooter right up onto the treadmill for 20 minutes.
* She’s got a lot of incentive to go to the gym. Every morning when she wakes up there’s a skeleton in a cloak standing there asking “You ready yet?”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Sept. 4, Monday – Labor Day
Sept. 11, Monday – Patriot Day
Sept. 15, Friday – National POW/MIA Recognition Day (The third Friday of September)
Sept. 23, Saturday – Fall begins (Autumn Equinox is 2:50 a.m. EDT)
Oct. 9, Monday – Columbus Day
Oct. 16, Monday – National Boss’s Day
Oct. 31, Tuesday – Halloween

BIRTHDAYS

Rupert Grint (actor, “Servant,” Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter films) … 35
Alex O’Loughlin (actor, “Hawaii Five-0”) … 47
Dave Chappelle (comedian, actor, “Chappelle’s Show”) … 50
Marlee Matlin (actress, well-known also for being deaf) … 58
Craig Kilborn (podcaster, former host of “The Daily Show” and “The Late Late Show”) … 61
Steve Guttenberg (actor, “Veronica Mars,” “Police Academy”) … 65
Stephen Fry (actor, author) … 66
Mike DeRosier (drummer with Heart) … 72

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.”

(A) Eminem
(B) Vanilla Ice
(C) Dave Chappelle

ANSWER: (C) Dave Chappelle

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2015 – Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced that for the first time, 1 billion people logged into Facebook.
* No WONDER my internet was slow that day!

2007 -The NFL indefinitely suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick without pay for his involvement in dogfighting. (He was reinstated in July 2009 after serving 18 months in prison.)
* Rough!

2006 – The International Astronomical Union declared that Pluto was no longer a planet, demoting it to the status of a “dwarf planet.”
* The proper term is “little person planet.”

1989 – Baseball Commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti banned Pete Rose from the game for gambling.
* Pete’s response: “How much you wanna bet I’ll be back?”

1932 – Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly nonstop across the United States, traveling from Los Angeles to Newark, N.J., in just over 19 hours.
* And she should have stuck with domestic flights.

1891 – Thomas Edison patented the motion picture camera.
* A giant leap forward for porno.

1853 – Chef George Crum of Saratoga Springs prepared the first of what were to be called “potato chips.”
* Soon afterwards, folks came up with a name for another new thing – the “lard butt.”

1814 – British forces captured Washington, DC and set the White House on fire.
* There have been no fires since, though Bill Clinton suffered his fair share of carpet burns.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2021 – Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts died at a London hospital at the age of 80. In January 1963, he joined the Rolling Stones as drummer and remained with the group for 58 years.

2014 – Death Row Records founder Marion ‘Suge’ Knight was injured in a shooting at a party that Chris Brown was hosting in Los Angeles. Another man and a woman were also shot at the 1 Oak nightclub, West Hollywood. All three victims were treated at local hospitals.

2010 – George Michael pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs. The singer had been arrested in July when he was returning home from the London Gay Pride parade and crashed his car into the front of a store in North London.

2009 – The Los Angeles County Coroner ruled Michael Jackson’s death a homicide caused by a mix of drugs meant to treat insomnia. On February 8, 2010, Dr. Conrad Murray was charged with involuntary manslaughter by prosecutors in Los Angeles. Dr. Murray pleaded not guilty and was released after posting $75,000 bail, but would be found guilty in November, 2011 and was sentenced to four years in a Los Angeles County jail.

2005 – Justin Timberlake collected libel damages for a fabricated story that he had an affair behind girlfriend Cameron Diaz’s back. Timberlake donated the “substantial” damages paid by a newspaper to charity.

2004 – Al Dvorin, the announcer who popularized the phrase “Elvis has left the building”, died in a car crash, on his way home from an Elvis convention in California. Dvorin, 81, was in a car driven by Elvis photographer Ed Bonja. Dvorin was never paid for recordings of his words, and was bitter towards the multimillion-dollar Elvis Presley Enterprises. In the early 1970s, Colonel Parker asked Dvorin to inform fans at a gig that Presley would not be appearing for an encore. He took the stage and announced: “Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building. Thank you and goodnight.”

1990 – A Nevada judge cleared heavy metal group Judas Priest in a $6.2 million civil suit that charged subliminal suggestions on the group’s recordings provoked two youths to shoot themselves in 1985.

1985 – Huey Lewis and the News started a two-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “The Power Of Love” from the movie “Back To The Future.”

1983 – The fifth wife of Jerry Lee Lewis, Shawn Michelle Stevens, was found dead at their Mississippi home of a methadone overdose.

1977 – Singer, songwriter Waylon Jennings was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine. Jennings had recently been named an honorary police chief.

1973 – Tom Johnson of the Doobie Brothers was arrested in Visalia, CA, on charges of marijuana possession.

1967 – 17-year-old Bruce Springsteen joined a group called Earth.

1963 – Stevie Wonder became the first artist ever to score a U.S. No.1 album and single in the same week. Wonder was at No.1 on the album chart with “Little Stevie Wonder / The 12 Year Old Genius” and had the No.1 single “Fingertips part 2.” This was also the first ever live recording to make No.1.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. If you’re average you have 200 of THESE right now. What are they?
Types of fungi on your feet.

2. THIS is more likely to happen to you if you’re stressed out. What is it?
Getting bitten by mosquitoes

3. If you can do THIS, you’ll probably increase the amount of sleep you get. What is it?
Make more money

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