THE SECRET TO SATISFYING SEX: “I LOVE YOU”

Researchers have identified the biggest single aid to guaranteeing satisfying sex for both partners. It’s the simple act of saying ‘I love you’ during sex which is most likely to help rock your partner’s world. Scientists from Chapman University in the U.S. analyzed the answers of 39,000 married or cohabitating heterosexual men and women who had been with their partner for at least three years. Some 75 per cent of satisfied men said ‘I love you’ while they had sex and 74 per cent of satisfied women did the same. The results showed that the more a couple communicates during sex, the more satisfied they are going to be. Things which improved love making included: praising your partner for something they did in bed and asking your partner for something you want. Talking on the phone or by email during the day about sex also ensured that they had a good time in bed. The most important factor in setting the mood among men and women was saying ‘I love you’. Other things that made sure you had good sex was laughing about something funny that happened while making love.
* “Hey – remember when we were having sex last night and I said ‘I love you’? Wasn’t that funny? Ha ha?”
* Something funny? Are you supposed to say “I love you” in a Jerry Lewis voice?
* I always say ‘I love you’ during sex. They love that. No matter who the lady is.
* I always say “I love you” during sex. Problem is, I always follow it with the word, “Doritos”.
* So the last 20 years of constant “How to Have Hot Sex” articles in Cosmopolitan have all been crap?
* Other helpful phrases:
– “Not so hard!”
– “I said ‘No teeth’!”
– “Please stop belching.”
– “Are you smiling, or does this hurt?”
– “What do you think you’re doing? I don’t bend that way!”
– “Runners on first and third, looking at a sacrifice double …”
* Saying “I love you” helps a little but it’s better when you can’t stop screaming it out.
* Are you supposed to do this when you’re alone too?
* Oh no. I just pictured Donald Trump yelling “I love you” to himself.
* So in other words, say, “I love you” whether you mean it or not because the sex will be better.