THE AVERAGE TIME OF SEX

There was a study out of Utrecht University in the Netherlands, published back in 2005, to estimate the average time of sex. 500 couples from around the world were asked to time themselves having sex over a four-week period – using a stopwatch. (* The same stopwatch? Ewww.) Never mind what constitutes the definition of sex – couples were generally on the honor system to determine start times and finish times. Participants came from the (* Hey – phrasing!) came from the Netherlands, United Kingdom, Spain, Turkey, and the United States. Here is what they found:
– Times ranged from 33 seconds to 44 minutes.
– The average across all couples was 5.4 minutes. This means that if you line up the 500 couples from shortest sex to longest sex, the middle couple goes for an average of 5.4 minutes each time they do it.
* Does that 5.4 minutes include the cigarette after?
* This is why it’s such a ripoff when they make you pay for the motel room for the full hour.
* “Hey, Fernando, hurry up with that stopwatch, will ya? We’re ready over here!”
* Imagine when some guy hears his wife say, “Do you have your little clock? I said CLOCK.”
* See, if you’d asked me about the average time of sex, I would have said around 9:20 every third Tuesday.