THE 2019 IGNOBLE PRIZES

The annual Ignobel Prizes were awarded last week. These are the awards given to scientists for the year’s most questionable research studies. Winners each receive a Zimbabwe $10 trillion dollar bill, issued during their period of extreme inflation, which is now worthless. Here are the winners:
– A French scientist who studied whether a man’s testicles are both the same temperature. (The left one is warmer, but only when a man has his clothes on.)
– A Japanese scientist who calculated how much saliva a typical five-year-old produces in one day (half a liter).
– An Iranian inventor’s diaper-changing machine.
– Dutch researchers who discovered that paper money can spread infectious microbes, and that Romanian currency is the worst offender.
– Italian scientists who were studying if pizzas offer protection against death.
– A Chinese-led team who found that dead, magnetized cockroaches behave differently to living, magnetized cockroaches.
– A British researcher who mapped out which parts of the body are most pleasurable to scratch. Results: 1) The ankles; 2) the back; and 3) the forearm.
– Scientists at Georgia Institute of Technology who figured out how wombats make cube-shaped poop.
* They shape it with a little trowel?
* Every one of these winners has been offered a job in the Trump Adminstration.
* Cube-shaped dung. That’s quite the party trick.
* Pizza offering protection against death? Don’t they kind of do the opposite?
* You’d think both testicles would be the same temperature, but there is a vas deferens.
* I don’t know. I think having a Zimbabwe $10 trillion dollar bill would be kinda cool.