Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
MEN: COMPLIMENT YOUR WIFE WHEN YOU GO ON “WHEEL OF FORTUNE”
__ R __ L S __.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
MADONNA’S CLOTHES STOLEN. OR SOMETHING.
Now what will she wear???
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JURY FINDS LIVE NATION A MONOPOLY
It took six weeks to figure that out?
NICOLE KIDMAN, DEATH DOULA
Angel of mercy.
SID KROFFT, CREATOR OF H.R. PUFNSTUF, DIES
Can’t do a little ’cause he can’t do enough.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What’s the angriest nut?
Pissed-achio
What did the waffle say at the end of breakfast?
Should I stay or should Eggo?
Two rednecks pull into a lumberyard.
One goes in and asks a clerk for some four-by-twos. “You mean two-by-fours?” the clerk asks. The redneck says, “I’ll go check.” He goes back to the car, asks his buddy, and returns a minute later. “Yeah, two-by-fours will be fine,” he tells the clerk. “All right,” says the clerk. “And how long?” “Just a minute,” says the redneck,” and heads back out to the car. A minute later he comes back and tells the clerk. “A long time. We’re buildin’ a garage.”
There’s a knock at the door.
Guy answers it, a sees a little man standing on the step. He says, “You’re not very tall are you”? Man says, ” I’m 3-foot 3.” Guy says, “So what do you want?” The guy says, “I’m the meter man.”
Why is Cardi B so out of shape?
Because she’s Cardi B, not Cardio.
U.S. NEWS
NUDE DRAWING CLASSES GAINING POPULARITY IN BARS
What do you say to a naked martini?
TRAMPLED BY 𝖳̶𝖴̶𝖱̶𝖳̶𝖫̶𝖤̶𝖲̶ ELEPHANTS
“It’s natures way of telling you.” – Spirit (1970)
YOUR NEXT CAR WILL BE ABLE TO DETERMINE IF YOU’RE ABLE TO DRIVE
Here’s looking at YOU, kid.
WILDWOOD CLOSING BOARDWALK OVERNIGHT DUE TO NO-GOOD PUNKS
You know, the word ‘wild’ is right there in the name.
“RICH AND UNEMPLOYED” PODCASTER NOW POOR AND ARRESTED
Hey, great acronym, bro.
MAN DANCES NAKED AT AN ALDI SUPERMARKET
Don’t look, Ethel!
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON: THE WHITE ALBUM
Michael sings the whites.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
NEW TEST TELLS IF YOU’RE GOING TO DIE REALLY, REALLY SOON
Don’t worry, it’s not an essay test.
AUDIO: IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NATURIST AND NATURALIST
Dress for the weather.
CONDOM SHORTAGE DUE TO IRAN WAR DISRUPTIONS
Things are hard all over, I guess.
FARMER TO BREED UGLIER COWS
Don’t have a cow, man.
INDIAN TEMPLE REQUIRES VISITORS TO DRINK THE SECRET SAUCE
Respect the cow. Respect it!
BULLFIGHTER GORED IN THE RECTUM
Darn near killed ‘im.
BRIDE SPLASHED WITH PAINT BY HER EVIL SISTER-IN-LAW
The bride wore black (splotches).
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Shopping At The Big & Tall Store
Aghh! The Wave Is Gonna Get Me! Aghhhh!
Why Giraffes Evolved
Green Army Men Warm Up For Battle
Polly Wants That Cracker NOW
How They Make Latte Art
THE BUZZ
MEN: WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT? DON’T EAT WITH WOMEN
Men are pigs – in more ways than one.
SUMMERS ARE MORE STRESSFUL THAN WINTERS
Fear of being seen in a bathing suit?
THE GREAT PRETENDER
Just wanted to get laid.
HOW TO GET KIDS TO EAT MORE VEGETABLES
Money is not involved.
THIS PLACE IS UNREAL
Far out.
DUMB HEADLINES
Dummmb dee dumb dumb.
WHAT DO ALL MEN LIKE?
Other than scratching yourself.
HUMANS ARE EVOLVING INTO REDHEADS
Humangutans.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
MICHAEL
Starts Friday, August 1 in theaters.
OVER YOUR DEAD BODY
Starts Friday, April 24 in theaters.
NORMAL
Starts Friday, April 17 in theaters.
LEE CRONIN’S THE MUMMY
Starts Friday, April 17 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 24.
RETRO SONG: BLACK OR WHITE, BY MICHAEL JACKSON
One or our classics.
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S WEDDING ALBUM
Here comes the groom!
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S FACE MELT
Tito, get me a towel.
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON: THE WHITE ALBUM
Michael sings the whites.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Free Iron
Big Al’s latest promotion isn’t so hot, and Big Mike gets steamed.
PROM: WHISTLE STOP
It’s not hard to have a nice lawn.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 17.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Beat It
If you find a deal and Big Al can’t beat it, Big Mike will beat Al.
SONG – WORK ON MY TAXES ALL DAY
Wht are YOU doing this weekend?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 10.
TACHYON TAX
Faster than TurboTax!
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