SUSPECT RUNS OUT OF GAS, TWICE

A South Dakota driver called for help after running out of gas early Monday on Highway 281 near the town of Tulare. The responding deputy arrived to find driver Troy James acting bizarrely. Then, James pushed the officer out of the squad car and stole it. The South Dakota Highway Patrol and other officers joined in pursuing James. He was eventually caught about 140 miles away after – wait for it – the squad car ran out of gas.
* These are the small-time midwestern delinquents Bruce Springsteen never sings about.
* “Johnny No Gas, they called him / Down the highway he would fly / He was just too dumb to notice / That his tank kept runnin’ dry.” [HARMONICA SOLO]
* First night on the job, South Dakota State Trooper?
* You know, for a smaller population South Dakota really contributes to the wacky news.
* Of course, here’s how the story would go if it were in…say…Florida: First, there’d be a gator in the trunk of the car.
* Then there’d be a Burmese python wrapped around the engine block.
* But other than that this could be straight out of Florida.
* And in the wacky news business, there is no greater compliment.